Help! My Dog is Chewing my Furniture, Eating my Shoes, and Teething all over my Hands!

So you've identified the problem.  Here's the thing, dogs need to chew.  It's good for their teeth and gums.  As a dog owner, it is important to provide chew toys and and clear, consistent indication of which things are okay to chew and which are not.

Let's talk about what it must be like to be a dog.  It is important to think about this if you plan to train your dog to do or not do anything.  Imagine for a moment that you have been introduced to a new life in someone's home indefinately.  The people in this home are of a completely different culture and speak a language that is completely unintelligeable.  Their customs are strange and you are unable to mimic their ways or really figure out what they want from you.  All you know is that sometimes they seem happy with you, sometimes they seem upset, sometimes they ignore you, sometimes they smother you, etc.  This is what it's like for your dog.  The more you help your dog understand the rules of his or her new world, the easier it will be for both of you.  Try to show more than tell, and keep your telling short and consistent.  One word commands are the best.

If you have a puppy, your puppy will need to chew to alleviate the discomfort of teething.  Those little pirana teeth are sharp and destructive.  It will take a puppy about ten seconds to damage anything it decides to chew on.  Watch your puppy as much as possible and listen for chewing sounds while you're not watching.  Puppy or no, the more you pay attention to what your new dog is doing, the better.  They will need little supervision once they learn the house rules.  Osa likes to sleep with shoes, which she is allowed to do now that she doesn't try to eat them.

To correct the misplaced chewing habit, follow these steps:

1. As soon as you catch your dog chewing on something he or she should not be chewing on, you must stop him or her imediately.  This is best done with a firm "no".  Please note that a whiny "no" does not work on dogs (or children).  Bark it out if you have to.  Think drill sergeant.  It doesn't have to be loud, just firm.  A little flick on the nose can help get your point across, too.  Anything more than that is not necessary and potentially considered abusive.

2. Take away whatever your dog is chewing on.  You can show it to him or her and repeat your "no" command if you wish.  If it is something like furniture, just remove your dog from the area.  It's good to have a strategically located dog bed or other safe area for your dog to go when it's time to relax.

3. Imediately, replace the incorrect chewing object with a correct one.  It is good to have an authorized chew toy on hand in every room.  I like the raw hide bones because they're good for their teeth and they don't have a strong smell or any dyes to stain my floor or my dog's teeth.  She loves them.  Some people say they're a choking hazard.  Read this article and decide for yourself.  Rope chew toys are nice.  Look for toys that are good for their teeth.  Offer it to your dog by holding it right in front of their mouth.

4. Repeat every time you catch your dog chewing on something they should not be chewing on.

Dogs are smart.  If you are consistent, your dog will figure out very quickly what kind of chewing is allowed and what kind is not.  Ideally, your dog will learn to retrieve his or her own toy when he or she wants to chew.

Awesome Tip of the Day:  What if your puppy is teething all over your hands and feet?  Often, puppies don't realize they're hurting you.  If the above doesn't work, try yelping or howling like your dog would if something were to bite him or her.  If that doesn't stop it, there is one more trick.  When my dog was a puppy, she was stubborn about teething on my hands.  I put her down on her side on the floor the way another dog would and held her there by the loose skin of the neck area.  I then proceded to hold up her paw where she could see it and slowly compress it between my teeth...much to her surprise.  Needless to say, that got the point across.  I didn't bite her hard and I only had to do it twice before she never bit me again.

There is plenty of leather and wooden furniture and several people's shoes within reach at any given time.  There was but one pair of slippers that did not survive unscathed, but to be fair they looked like her stuffed animals, which are fair game.

...forgot to mention that one table.  For some reason, the iron table was the only thing she would not give up on.  A little hot pepper juice rubbed on there cured that.  Two tries and she mysteriously lost interest.

How to Efficiently Wash a Big Dog with Lots of Hair

This guy does not have it down.

I have a 100 lb. German shepherd.  They have thick coats (and thick undercoats) and they're very strong.  Mine lives indoors and we live close to the beach.  This dog has been washed a lot of times in her nine years.  I've seen other people try to wash my dog who have had smaller, short-haired dogs and they just don't seem to have any technique.  Here's how I do it.

You will need:

shampoo and conditioner

1 hose, preferably with a control nozzle

2 large towels

1 patio/backyard/lawn

1 large, stinky, hairy dog

Here's the technique:

1. Leash your dog.  It is just way easier this way, so do it.

2. Rinse the dog with the hose.  This may sound like an easy task, but it's a big job with a big dog.  Start by stepping on the dog's leash.  This way your dog can't easily go anywhere and you have two hands to work with.  Stand in front of your dog.  Adjust your hose to a flat, high pressure spray and start at the nape of the neck along the top of the back to the tail.  Next, rinse one side of the dog from front to back and then the other.  I move in the direction because I'm assisted by both gravity and the direction of hair growth.  Next is the tail and haunches.  Finally, rinse the chest, belly and legs.  You do the face and neck last.

Awesome Tip of the Day:  Why do you stand in front of the dog and wash the face last?  So you don't get wet.  First, when your dog shakes all of the water sprays outward toward the sides, top and bottom.  Thanks to physics, you are pretty safe standing in front of the dog (I know, location, location, location...).  You wash the face last because this is something most dogs hate.  They will probably shake and possibly misbehave.  If you are next to the dog because of the area you're washing and you see a shake coming on, quickly get behind or in front of your dog to stay dry.

3. Shampoo and condition.  I typically mix the two on the dog.  You can also mix them in your hands and apply it to the dog.  I don't care for rinsing in between unless it's a really special occasion and I have a lot of time.  The best way I've found to apply washing ingredients to my dog is to make little product dispensers out of my hands.  Fill your hands, make a loose fist, and run your hands over your dog while slowly squeezing the product through your fingers.  Once the product is applied, rub it all in by kneading and squeezing the hair and skin.  This should be a pleasant little dog massage for your dog.  It's the only way to really get the skin clean on dog with that much hair.

4. Repeat step one, only more thoroughly.  Use the flat spray close to your dogs fur with one hand while using the other to squeegee it through their hair.  This gives you maximum purchase for the amount of water you will use.  If your dog likes to drink out of the hose like mine does, let them.  It's good for dogs to have things they like about bathing.  Use the shaking at the end when you spray your dog's head to your advantage.  The more they shake, the less you towel.

5. Towel off your dog.  This is my dog's favorite part.  Make it a game.  Take the leash off and let your dog run around and shake a bit, then come back and face plant into the towel.  Do not let your dog bite or pull the towel.  Once they start, they will never stop.  Rub down your dog as much as possible with the first towel focusing on the head, back, and belly.  By now your towel is useless.  Grab towel number two and give everything a quick rub down.  If that towel is not too wet, put it down somewhere in the sun so your dog can relax and dry off on something clean.

P.S. Squat to save your back.  Bend over as little as possible.
You now have a clean dog.  As soon as they're dry, they'll start to smell good.

A word on dog shampoos.  Don't waste your money.  First, they are horribly overpriced and not all too different from people shampoos.  Second, they are usually heavily perfumed and your dog will hate that.  My dog used to have an "itch" that is common in the area in which I live.  I switched her to people shampoos and conditioners and she hasn't itched since.  Find a people shampoo that is simple, preferably mild.  The cheaper the better.  I don't put anything on my dog's head that I don't use on my own.  VO5 works great and costs about $1 on sale, $2 not on sale.  Today I used Main N Tail Original, which is available in big bottles for $5 or less.  Sometimes I use Garnier Fructise Triple Nutrition for $5/big bottle or the Trader Joe's Nourish Spa (no link available), which runs for less than $3 a bottle.  I usually save these last two for myself and use the first two for my dog.  The latter contains the mildest cleaning agent.  These products do not contain silicones (ingredients ending in -cone) in their shampoos or conditioners, which can build up on your dog's fur or cause irritation to their skin.

Just like your scalp and hair, dogs need conditioner, too.  The detergents in shampoos, even mild ones, can be harsh.  They clean by stripping the skin and hair of everything including the natural oils.  This can cause itchiness, excess dandruff, irritation, and just dull, dry hair.  Also, a little conditioner will make your dog soft, pettable, and huggable.

Once your dog is dry.
Brush thoroughly to avoid matting and excess shedding.  I use a giant cat brush (slicker brush) or those big shedding blades that somewhat resemble bear traps or torture devices really get the job done.  Both types can pull equal to two rabbits out of my dog and fill a grocery bag full of hair.  During nesting season, I throw that soft shed undercoat over the fence so the birds can use it for their babies.

Sugaring Your Own Armpits

Just like the bikini area, the first time you do this it will not be fun.  If you keep up with it, it stops hurting because there is comparatively much less hair.  Sugaring your own armpits can be intimidating, but the right technique can make it pretty easy.  You will need moderate shoulder flexibility.

There are three main reasons for sugaring your armpits.  The first is that it grows back pretty fast, so shaving it daily is a must.  As we all know, daily shaving can cause irritation, ingrowns, etc.  The second is that if you have thick or dark hair, you can still see the hair follicle through the relatively thin skin in that area regardless or how closely you shave.  The third is that the hair in your armpits is a huge culprit for body odor.  Remember when you were ten years old?  You didn't need deodorant then.  Although some of that is related to hormones, some of that is related to the fact that those hormones caused hair growth in your armpits.  Don't believe me?  Don't shave your armpits for a few days and see how much even a little hair makes a difference.  My theory is that moisture plus hair is a great place for bacteria to grow.  Shaving helps a lot.  Sugaring/waxing removes the hair by the roots, which is even better.  I don't wear deodorant most of the time because I sugar my armpits and my hair starts to stink before I do.  This is good to know if you are planning a camping, backpacking or plane trip during which you will have little to no access to a shower.

Here's the technique:

Find a wall mirror.  The one in your bathroom is likely the best, since it is private and also close to water.  Start with clean, dry armpits free of deodorant residue.  I suggest dusting the skin to be sugared with talc or corn starch.  Lift the arm to be sugared straight up (and maybe slightly out to the side to stretch out your skin) and lean against the mirror or wall right next to the mirror.  Now you can use the mirror to see what you're doing instead of trying to strain your eyes and neck.  Also, the skin under your arms should be taut in this position.

Find the direction of hair growth and apply sugar paste against this direction.  Let it sit for a moment and then remove the paste with the direction of hair growth in one firm pull parallel to the skin.  Do not pull outward.  Repeat.  Once all the hair is removed, rinse the area with warm water to remove the sticky residue.  Follow with a cool water rinse.  Dry your hands and repeat the process with the other arm.

Awesome Tip of the Day:  Most likely, the hair under your arms grows in two main directions.  Most people have one main horizontal crease.  What is above that grows in one direction and what is below that grows in another.  In the middle, there may be a swirly area.  You may have to do two pulls over that area.

If this is your first time sugaring or waxing your armpits, you should not work in sections larger than your pinky finger.  Just don't.  If you have been sugaring or waxing this area, you should be able to do the whole thing in one to three pulls.  I usually try to do mine in one regardless of the direction of hair growth because I like to get it done quickly.  The hair grows back then and sparse since I do this often, so it doesn't really matter.

For more information on sugaring, the sugar paste recipe and cooking instructions, click here.
For instructions specific to sugaring/waxing your own bikini area, click here.
For the sugar paste recipe revision for hot weather climates, click here.

Sugaring Recipe Revision for Hot Weather

Summer has taught me that sugaring in hot weather can be a painful mess.  My sugar paste got too gummy/sticky/runny to use without bruising myself.  I learned too things.  First, if you can't get it off your skin, spread it thinner and apply a piece of an old T-shirt or other firm cloth, rub it in, and pull as usual.  This way you can get it off your skin and have the hair go with it.  I hate having to just rinse it off.  (I don't admit defeat well without first having exhausted all resources.)  Second, add more sugar to your mix, about 1 cup extra.  When the weather gets hot enough that overcooking the sugar paste isn't enough, it's time to add that extra cup.

Hot weather recipe:

3 cups of sugar
1/4 cup of lemon juice
1/4 cup of water

This thickens up the mix so that it will be firm enough to work with again.  Happy sugaring!

Click here to learn more about sugaring.
Click here to learn about sugaring your own bikini.
Click here to learn about sugaring your own armpits.

Toaster Oven Salmon | Recipe

(Click here for more cooking ideas.)

Today's post is a great recipe for baked salmon that is both quick and healthy.  See the bottom of this post for ways to change this recipe and a good idea for kabobs.

Toaster Oven Salmon:

Serves 2-3.  About 35 minutes to prepare and cook.

Wild caught salmon (skin attached) for two to three people
1 tspn of minced garlic, powdered garlic, or garlic oil
1 tbsn of herbs de provence
2 tbsns of diced onions
olive oil
sea salt (optional)

Place the thawed fish in a glass pyrex or baking pan. If it's a baking pan, line it with aluminum foil for easy cleanup. Drizzle on some olive oil and spread it with a spoon. There should be enough oil to spread evenly over the fish, but not so much to leave it oily.  Spread the garlic in the same manner.  If it's garlic powder, just use a few shakes.  Add a couple of shakes of sea salt if you want but do not over salt your fish.  Repeat with the herbs de provence. Evenly place and spread the onions over everything. The onions will cook enough to not be too strong so don't be afraid if you're normally conservative with onions.

Awesome Tip of the Day:  Gloves.  Use them.  I buy boxes of non-sterile medical exam gloves from Costco for a pretty good price.  They last a long time and make onion, chicken, and fish jobs much more sanitary and avoid the long term smell on the hands.  They also make cleaning the bathroom much more pleasant.

Preheat the oven or toaster oven to around ~450 F. It's tough to say since each oven and toaster oven is different. Cover with aluminum foil and bake for 15-20 minutes or until it's just about cooked. Remove the aluminum foil and bake for another five minutes or so. The fish is ready when you insert a fork in it, twist it slightly, and the fish separates along it's natural grain easily. The aluminum foil is there to keep it moist and prevent burning. Taking it off at the end toasts the top just slightly. If it doesn't feel like toasting, put it on toast or broil for a couple of minutes instead.

Once the fish is cooked, it should separate from the skin easily with any spatula. Most if not all of the little cartilage "bones" should have dissolved by now, but you never know.

Alternatives: You can omit the herbs de provence or substitute for rosemary and it still tastes great. Garlic is not necessary, it just works. A little or a lot of onions is just personal taste. You can mix and match as you see fit. A good spread of mustard instead of olive oil makes this amazing as well, although it may or may not go well with herbs. Try cooking cubed potatoes with olive oil in with the fish. It's actually pretty good.

If you have enough space, some little kabobs with tomatoes, mushrooms, bell peppers, onions etc. can cook on the side in the oven or toasted in the toaster oven while the fish is cooling off. They should be first basted in some kind of olive or sesame oil to prevent them from drying out. A little 21 seasoning mixed in that oil makes for pretty good kabobs. They have to be watched carefully though, and flipped half way.

How to Look Good in Pictures

Someone tipped me off on this a little while ago, so I thought I'd pass it on.  There are a couple of things that inhibit picture taking ability.  The first one has to do with the person taking the picture.  You can have the light in front of you or behind you, but never to the side.  Soft, natural light looks the best.

The second one has to do with you.  Most people who have a terrible time with their facial expression in pictures are merely struggling with insecurity in front of the camera.  Suddenly, you need to smile.  Uh, deer in headlights...  No deal.

So, here's what you do.  Think about something else that makes you happy.  Look past the camera (but not down) and think about something enjoyable or funny.  The camera will capture this moment and you will look great.  Looking down will likely give you that squinty-eyed or stoner look.  You can look just above the camera if you want to show off your eyes.

Awesome Tip:  You don't actually have to SMILE in pictures.  Really.  A subtle hint of happiness may look better than all of your teeth.  Experiment.

Body.  If you're worried about those extra cookies, turn a little sideways, lift up your chest and look proud.  If you're too skinny, face the camera directly.  If you're nervous because you don't know what to do in the picture, put your arm around your friend.  If you're by yourself, put a hand on something like a wall or a rail or your hips or something.  Try not to cross your arms.

Second Awesome Tip:  Whatever part of you is sticking forward can be exaggerated by the camera lens.  That said, if you lean back, your stomach will most likely look larger than it is.  Lean your chest forward just a little bit.

How to Split a Monster Burrito, No Mess, No Knife

I don't buy these very often, but yes, I will do it in front of the camera one day.

This may sound funny but I've never seen anyone else do it, so maybe it's not common knowledge.  It's better than laying a burrito on its side and cutting though it because you don't lose any of its contents.  Also, big knives are not always available.  I did this for the first time a few years ago.  I bought a monster burrito to split with a friend.  We got to the beach and realized we had forgotten to ask to have it cut in half.  She suggested alternating bites.  I decided we weren't good enough friends for that.  So...

You will need:
nothing, that's it.
two hands maybe

If your burrito is wrapped in aluminum foil or paper, you're in luck as this will help prevent the tortilla from unraveling while you're doing this.  Usually they behave.  If you happen to have a knife, plastic or otherwise, or sharp fingernails, you may get a cleaner cut.

1.  If the burrito is wrapped, find the middle and tear out a section of whatever it's wrapped in so that you have a naked strip of burrito going around the middle.

2.  Use your fingers to pinch a spot open along the middle of the burrito.

3.  Holding each end of the burrito, use your thumbs to carefully pull apart the tortilla so that it follows the circumference at least 1/2 way around but no more that 3/4.  Do no pull the burrito apart.  Just separate the tortilla so it looks as if it were cut all the way through.  If you have a knife, use it to just saw gently around the edge of the tortilla so that it is cut.

4.  Here's the tricky part.  Rotate the burrito so that the part of the tortilla that was not cut is facing the floor.  You should have one end of the burrito in each hand.  Slowly rotate your hands together in a downward motion so that the two burrito halves are still connected but they are now standing parallel to each other in the palms of your hands.

If you do this step slowly and carefully enough, you will not spill a single grain of rice.  Also, you will be awesome.  Impress your friends!  I saw jaws drop the first time I did this.

5.  Slowly rotate the two burrito halves in opposite directions (like gears) until the remaining connected piece of tortilla tears along the circumference.  You now have two monster burrito halves.

If you pull this off on camera, post the YouTube link in the comments below.