On Getting Offended

We all get offended now and then.  It's really unpleasant for the person getting offended and frequently uncomfortable for the offender.  The good news is that much of the responsibility of getting offended, and especially how you deal with it, is in your own hands.  If you find yourself being offended, here are some things you can do about it.

I apologize in advance for all of the generalizations.

The knowing offender.  There are two categories of knowing offenders.  The first is one who is an ***hole.  This person wants to offend you and has found a way.  It is quite likely that you are just as offended by the fact that they are trying to offend you as by what they actually said.  I would suggest giving this person a really sarcastic look, shake your head, and laugh.  That makes it pretty clear that all people present know that whatever they said was stupid and inappropriate.  If that is not enough, end the situation by removing yourself from it.

The other type of knowing offender is someone who feels they need to tell you something important even if they know it will offend you.  This is usually something for your own good, so even if it hurts you, it is a good idea to recognize that this person is probably a better friend than you thought.  It's a good idea to admit to yourself that this person is really trying to help you rather than hurt you and accept it as such.  It is the same idea as someone telling your that there is food in your teeth.  You may not like it.  You may be embarrassed.  However, you are now saved from talking to the cute checker at the grocery store with lunch on display.  Thank you, offensive friend.  I appreciate your bold ways.

The unknowing offender.  There are two kinds of unknowing offenders.  The first is one who is offending you and should really know better.  This is the person who is cracking paraplegic jokes in front of the guy in the wheelchair.  Chances are, he's not trying to be rude.  It's just really difficult to see what's going on around you with a severe case of cranial rectosis.  Take a deep breath and calmly mention to the person, "So you see the wheelchair, right?"  If that isn't enough, and given the situation it may not be, just say, "You're cracking paraplegic jokes in front of the guy in the wheelchair and you should probably stop."  This is normally enough.  If not, just don't encourage it and move on with your life.

Awesome Tip of the Day:  When you feel yourself getting worked up, you are already losing your power of reasoning.  This makes it much more difficult for the other person to explain to you that they meant no offense, and much more difficult for you to believe them.  It is important in that case to remember that you cannot fight your emotion any more than you can fight fire with fire.  You must calm yourself down.  Calming your emotion will help you be more receptive to whether a person really is even trying to offend you or what else they could have meant by what they said or did.  Once you begin to understand what is actually happening in the situation, it will be easier to diffuse it.

The other unknowing offender has just said something that relates to another thing they could not possibly know about.  This is the person who says, "Hey, nice haircut!" and doesn't know that you've been upset all morning because the stylist did the opposite of what you wanted and you hate it.  Getting upset with that person will not help.  Thank them for their kind gesture and move on.  They probably genuinely meant it.  People have different tastes and you can't just assume that they feel the same way about it that you do so they should know that it's terrible.  If you must, just sigh it off and let them know that you wish it was a nice haircut, because you just spent all morning being upset because the stylist did the opposite of what you wanted and you hate it.

The misinterpreted offender.  It is extremely important that you understand that this person did not actually offend you.  There are two situations in which this might occur.  The first is that you actually misheard what the person said.  They said one thing, you heard another.  It's as simple as that and you must admit that to yourself and to that person.

Awesome Tip #2:  While you're calming yourself down, try to think very clearly and rationally about one important question... "Why would this person say this to me?"  Can't believe it?  Don't.  Unless this person hates you or is otherwise trying to hurt you, chances are they actually did not say whatever it was or at least did not mean it that way.  Why would your best friend tell you you're too ugly to go out wearing that?  Well, they didn't.  Try to go back and think about the actual words that they said and try to take them at face value, without reading into them.

The second situation is that you heard what the person said, but misread what was meant.  For example, if you co-worker says to you, "You look tired," and you think they mean that you look bad this morning, you're wrong.  Most likely, they're just commenting that you look like you're having a rough day and should take a break.  Or it could be that you show the tell-tale signs of a night out and they are looking for a way in to that conversation to hear all about what happened.  In other cases, the person is probably also tired and wants to commiserate.  None of these are offensive things.  These are friendly things.  If you keep that in mind, you're less likely to be hurt by what they say.


Final thought on the matter... If you find that you are a relatively sensitive person and the person who is offending you is insensitive, take a moment to understand insensitive people.  An insensitive person doesn't not care about how you feel, they just don't understand why you feel that way.  Sometimes they don't understand even THAT you feel that way.  It is unwise to assume that an insensitive people should "just know" anything, ever.  It won't happen.  Sensitive people tend to use words and tones to express feelings and emotions.  They speak a language that is meant to be interpreted and read into.  Deciphering meaning in this language is truly an art.  Insensitive people tend to calculate specific words in a specific order and deliver those words to express a specific thought, idea, or observation.  This language is meant to be taken exactly how it was delivered.  Speaking this language is truly an art.

That said, the person is likely to just repeat for you very clearly the exact words they previously said.  If you tell an insensitive person, "You said this, but you meant that," they will disagree with you.  They will be upset if you don't remember the words that they carefully chose to deliver to you.  Reading into their tone or relating what they said to what that means to you (which they will not have known as mentioned before about assumptions) is effectively the same to an insensitive person as not listening at all.  It is like saying, "I don't care what you're really saying.  I'm inventing my own meaning and getting offended by it and blaming you."  This is highly offensive to an insensitive person!  They honestly probably feel bad about offending you, but you can't see it through their frustration.  If it continues, and they are smart enough to not try to dig themselves out of the hole, they will likely assume that you are unreasonable and abandon the situation.

The best thing to do is to first calm down and second realize that the person did not mean to offend you.  They're probably still unsure even why you're offended because they didn't say anything they could possibly imagine as being a bad thing.  Insensitive people tend to make casual, objective observations and comments that they have no emotional attachment to or feeling about one way or the other.  Their is no "good" or "bad" label on most things, so they will be completely unaware if you have one.  Most insensitive people that I know are just as surprised when they find out that people naturally have this view as an sensitive person is to find out that people live without having that view.  Just imagine the amazement between two people, one who has slept in a hammock all his life and never seen a stationary bed, and one who has always had a bed and never seen a hammock.  Each has it's advantages but they are such different ways to get the same job done.

Best of luck!  Reducing the incidences in which you are offended can greatly reduce the stress in your life and improve your general happiness, especially if you are one to be offended often.  Also, if you are either a sensitive or insensitive person looking across that line, maybe this has provided a little insight on what is happening in a situation in which one person is unknowingly offending the other.  Talking about it with the wrong approach obviously only makes it worse.

Her Room Online Lingerie Store Review

Her Room is an online store for women's lingerie.  Their catch line is "Lingerie We Buy For Ourselves".  They carry lingerie, swimwear, sleepwear, active wear, hosiery, etc.  There is also an attached His Room for that man in your life.

Anyway, the people at Her Room have seemingly thought of it all.

Return Policy.  The first thing I checked was their return policy.  They are good about returns and also do "phone exchanges" in which they send you the new stuff right away and just refund you for the old stuff when they get it back from you.  Also, because their return policy is good, you can order a few sizes if you're unsure and just return the stuff that didn't fit.

Product Reviews and Ratings.  Their products are available for review by customers, so you can see what people are saying about what you're looking to buy and also sort products by star ratings.

Bounce Tests.  This is truly unique and really stands out to me.  The took 40 or so of their most popular sports bras and took a video of a woman wearing it and mimicking a jogging motion.  This is a great way to compare effectiveness in sports bras.

So many sizes!  Her Room carries 28A-56K.  I'm quite sure your size is in there.

See It Under...  There is an option to see the bra on a manikin with various shirt/blouse styles laid over in to see what parts of the bra might show under a V neck, boat neck, button up, etc.

Fit Guide.  There is a fit guide, which are suggestions on sizing based on customer feedback.  For example, if the band runs loose, they might advise you to try a tighter band size and larger cup size to get the proper fit.  This helps you buy and helps them minimize returns and unsatisfied customers.  There is also a customer service representative available for online chat to help you make fitting decisions in a hurry.  Furthermore, there are product specific measurements listed.  For example, if something claims to be "low rise", they will tell you what it really is in inches.

Pictures.  All products come with a variety of pictures from different angles so you know what the back and front will look like on a real person.

Shipping.  Orders $70 and up ship free.

PayPal.  I'm a huge PayPal fan and they accept it.

All in all, I would recommend looking through their online store and see if anything appeals to you for your next lingerie buying experience.

Get the *Point* Out of Freya Active Bras and Product Review

This is going to start off with a product review and then finish with how to soften the pointiness of this particular bra.

Freya Active Bra 4002 Product Review

First, Freya is a wonderful brand that makes lingerie for women, keeping women in mind.  What I mean by that is that they aim to make supportive, attractive lines for women of a broad range of sizes.  It is one of the few brands that actually carries my size, as I am naturally petite and almost all bra bands are too loose to provide me the support I desire.  I wear a 28F/30E in Freya sizes at the moment since I've lost some more weight.

Second, Freya's Active line is well thought-out.  It appears they looked into what a really big and busty woman would need to wear while running and jumping and then made it also in my size.  In fact, they carry these sports bras in 28D-G and 30-38D-H.  4002 is an underwire sports bra that looks like a 1940s full figure bra.  They are made with a dry-wicking fabric that surprisingly does not chafe.  There are three hooks in the back up to E cups and F cups have four.  I can personally attest to the minimal bounce this bra affords me during highly strenuous and high impact exercises.  While it is not "the perfect" bra, I would still give it a 4.5 out of 5 stars simply because it gets the job done.

Pros:

• quick dry material that doesn't chafe
• comes in a wide variety of sizes
• keeps bouncing to an absolute minimum
• comes in a variety of colors (black, white, nude, plus a sister style in red and charcoal)
• underwire design provides separation and stability
• encapsulation protects from upward bounce
• fully adjustable (four hook settings on the band/a lot of room for adjustment on the shoulder straps)
• durable

Cons:

• there is a seam that runs horizontally across the cups that can be seen through clothing
• cups are slightly pointy, very pointy out of the package
• straps would be better if crossed or crossable
• pricey at about $60 a bra

I would not recommend an underwire bra for sparring or grappling or any other sport in which someone might strike or dig into the wire area.  It just hurts.  Freya carries a softcup version but I have not tried it.  I wear Under Armour high impact (cross back) sports bras for martial arts.

So What Does One Do About the Pointiness?

I gave this some thought and then tried a few things.  I suggest washing your bra with warm water to start with.  That seems to help the material soften up faster.  You may machine wash it in a lingerie or bra bag (not with towels or other fabrics that are heavy on the lint) or you may leave it to soak in a bucket of warm water.  Hang it to dry.  When it is *almost* dry, put it on and wear it around the house on a snug setting.  This should help it mold to you a little faster as it dries with your body heat to your personal shape.

After doing this once or twice, the pointiness should reduce to an acceptable level.

Want to Buy One?
If you are interested in buying one of these bras, I would suggest properly sizing yourself and ordering from a place that has a good return/exchange policy.  The bands run pretty true to size.  If you're not sure how to size yourself, click here.

I have made purchases from both Her Room (US) and Menary's (UK) and had good experiences.  If you already know your size you may have luck with Breakout Bras.  They tend to carry very few sizes but have better prices on the ones they have.  Her Room also has an attached His Room for that man in your life.

Click here for a my Her Room review.

How to Not Get Deodorant Marks on Your Shirt

If you are getting deodorant on your shirt, you are likely not using proper technique when you put your shirt on.  Ask yourself if you are using your armpits to help get your shirt on.  You are probably doing this without even realizing it.  Try this instead:

1. Fold the bottom of your shirt out over itself before you put it on.  The inside of your shirt will now be facing outward in the area that usually picks up deodorant marks.  If you get them now, they will be in a place where no one sees them.

2. Put your arms through the arm holes of your shirt up to your upper arms, but not all the way to your armpits.

3. Put your head through while keeping your elbows up.  The easy way to do this is to use your two thumbs to pull the neck hole open before your pull it over your head.

4. Now, use one hand to grab the shirt under the opposite armpit and hold it away from your skin.  Slide that hand across the folded hem of the shirt toward it's own side, and then match it symmetrically with your other hand.

5. You should now have your head and arms through the shirt and be holding the bottom (folded edge) away from your armpits.  Now you can pull it down with your hands, not sliding it across your armpits.

6. Unfold the bottom of the shirt so that it is on normally.

Awesome Tip of the Day:  If you somehow mess this up or simply forgot to do it, you can get rid of the deodorant marks by rubbing the cloth against itself over the deodorant mark.  If that does not work, wipe it with a damp paper towel or cloth.

~Why I Go Out With Her... Yet Another Saturday Night~

This is just a moment to appreciate my dancing buddy. 

A little back story...when I met my dancing buddy, she was a shy, passive, soft-spoken classmate of mine in Jr. High.  She's really tiny anyway, so it's all the more funny to hear the things that come out of her mouth now that she is no longer that passive, pushover little girl.  Apparently, she's grown a pair over the years and knows how to use it.

We went out last Saturday.  She ended up dancing with this "Chatty Cathy" guy who wouldn't shut up the whole time he was dancing with her.  She seemed okay with it, since most of it was flattery, but then it got annoying when he started reaching out and touching my hair.  I mean, really, you're only here as long as my friend looks like she's having a good time.  Don't push it, right?  So, knowing how irritating that kind of thing is, after about the third time she looks at me, and then stops and turns around and says, "If you're interested in continuing to dance with me, you should stop that, right now.  She doesn't like it and I don't like it and you can be replaced."  Replaced?!  Awesome!  So he behaved and stuck around for quite awhile.  Win, win.  Nice job, dancing buddy.  Fourteen years ago, I never would have guessed. :D

Guys! Afraid of Dancing and Night Clubs...?

How to Go to Night Clubs

First, you're not alone.  I say this because I'm writing this article in response to a personal request, although that was certainly not anywhere near the first time I've been asked about it.  I'm guessing you probably have a wife or girlfriend that wants you to go out with her or some nice friends, male or female, that have invited you to hit the clubs.  However, you're afraid of dance clubs probably mostly because you don't know how to dance.  Many people will advocate taking dance classes to deal with this (and that's nice and all...), but I think there is a cheaper and easier way.  Anyway, let's get started by just addressing some common questions and concerns that I've been asked by many.

"I don't know how to dance and it looks goofy if I try."  No one is expecting you to be a professional or even be any good.  No one worth talking to or caring about is going to care about this at all.  Even good dancers are not usually worried about it.  I'm a good dancer, and when I see guys out at night clubs goofing about with each other or their female friends or girlfriends, it's endearing.  I love see other people having fun.  Here's a secret, you're more attractive when you're smiling and having a good time.  The girls I know will take a guy who is fun and unskilled over a guy who is skilled and boring or stuck up any day of the week.  That's why "guy who can make me laugh" and "guy who is fun/doesn't take himself too seriously" is usually in the top three to five on pretty much any girl's list of what she wants in a guy.

"I feel like people will be looking at me."  You have to be trying to get attention for people to notice you at a night club.  It's packed with people, many of whom are pretty intoxicated, so few people can see you at all.  What you don't think about is that many of the people there, including a lot of the girls, are too self-conscious about their own dancing to think about what you're doing, especially if they don't know you.  If a girl is looking at you, she might be checking you out.  If she looks at you and smiles, don't get scared.  She's probably trying to get your attention.

"So how does one actually dance? Do I need to know steps?"  Well, there's the easy part.  No, you do not need steps.  DJs at nightclubs go out of their way to make it easy for you to find the beat.  You can start by just listening for it.  Shift your weight from one foot to the other in rhythm with this basic beat.  You can actually just avoid steps altogether if you want to.  It's easier and leaves less room for error (like stepping on someone's foot).  In fact, a lot of people get more goofy by overdoing the stepping thing.  For now, just don't worry about it.  Once you start to get into this rhythm, let your body just go with it.  Take a look around.  Try and pick up what other people are doing.  I guarantee that you will eventually meet eyes with someone who is looking at you to pick up on your moves.  You may be thinking, "Sucker, I don't know what I'm doing..."  Most people don't, though, so you'll fit right in.

Awesome Tip of the Day:  While you're out there trying to figure out the dancing thing, worrying about what people are thinking about you, here's a secret:  There will be a lot of girls looking at you... wishing their boyfriend/husband was (believe it or not) as awesome as you!  That's right, they're dancing by themselves because their man will not join them.  See a cute girl by herself?  That girl wishes her boyfriend was dancing right now, goofy as it may be, instead of looking "cool" by himself at home or at the bar.  Boring.

"Uh oh, so this girl wants to dance with me.  What do I do now?"  First thing?  Relax.  Smile, she must think you're attractive or at least fun.  Dance with her.

"Okay, now she's moving in on me and wants to do that whole dancing *together* thing."  Yeah, let it happen.  When the time is right, you'll know what to ... wait, wrong speech!  Actually, this is the easiest part.  She will either face you or face away from you.  No real difference there.  I must caution you to not get too grabby.  Some girls may tolerate it, others will find it offensive and irritating.  Keep it respectful.  Try to avoid touching the breast and butt area.  She will appreciate that.  If she's facing away from you, you will be best off keeping your hands on her hands or arms.  It's still affectionate but not too presumptuous.

The key is to just move with her.  Try to avoid friction.  Just stay close to her and try to get into her rhythm.  This will probably be a very basic swaying back and forth with the simplest part of the rhythm, since it is most practical when you have a partner.  I get crazy with music and rhythms and dancing, but on the occasion that I dance with a guy, I stick to what makes sense.  Once you get into her rhythm, just get comfortable and forget the rest of the room.  You can talk to her a bit if she's interested.  Introduce yourself and ask her her name.  She probably just wants to dance, so don't worry about having to come up with a conversation.

"What if I have to have some drinks to "get loose"?  Is that okay?"  Yes, but... try not to have more than just that amount.  Unless a girl is really intoxicated, she's not too interested in being approached by someone who is really intoxicated.  You may think you're a charming guy when you're drunk, and your friends might agree, but she may think you're just sloppy and obnoxious.  Have a couple of drink if you must, then take a break.  It will be easier on your wallet and help keep you from making an ass of yourself.

"How do I get a girl to dance with me?"  Well, that only works if 1. you ask and 2. she wants to.  The safest thing is to make eye contact with her before you approach her and try to judge her reaction.  If she wants to to approach, she may make eyes at you or smile or something.  If she doesn't, she will probably look away and try not to see you so as not to give you an invitation.  If you're on the fence about it, flip a coin.  Once you've made a decision, it's best to approach casually.  If a guy is approaching me that I have no interest in, I usually move away a little bit to give him space.  Any guy who approaches respectfully, asks me or my friend to dance, taps us on the shoulder or something, gets a nice response.  Even if that response is no, it's still done nicely.  If the guy is a jerk about it, he gets that in return.  Also, be a jerk to one girl and all her friends will hate you, too.  Be nice, and even if the girls is not to interested or if she has a boyfriend, she might send a cute friend your way.  However, if you try all her friends after she said no, it may look bad on you.

"Am I supposed to dress up? What do I wear?"  Well, that's going to depend on the place you're going and what night of the week it is.  If you're unsure, ask your girlfriend/wife or female friends what you should wear to the place you're planning to go.  Girls are usually pretty happy to give out fashion advice.  If it's your woman you're asking, you're sure to please her.  If it's just your lady friends, they're probably happy to help you look your best.

Other cool tips and clubbing etiquette...

Take "no" for an answer.  Being pushy will not get you anywhere unless you're persistent enough for the bouncer to show you the door.

Don't be *that guy*.  You know, that guy that comes up behind girls by surprise doing something that resembles a dog humping her leg?  He deserves the same rolled-up newspaper to the muzzle.  That same guy is usually the one that puts his hands on people unnecessarily when he walks by.  You don't want his reputation.

You may buy her a drink, but don't think that entitles you to anything.  It was your offer.  If she refuses, it's probably either because she doesn't want one, or she doesn't know if you're the kind of guy that will follow her around because you bought her a drink.  If she accepts, ask her what she wants.  It's a little weird to try to choose for her unless she asks you to.

If she asks you to buy her a drink, don't.  You're probably not the first guy she's gotten to pay for her drinks tonight.

If you dance with a girl, try not to occupy all of her time and attention.  Don't try to cut her off from her friends.  You want to be the highlight of her night, not that guy who ruined "girl's night out".  It's fun for her to have a guy with her for a little while, but having some guy attached to her all night can really cramp her style.  If a few songs go by, excuse yourself.  Offer to get her some water or tell her you're going to step outside and chat with your friend for a few.  Invite her if you'd like.  You can come back later and dance with her again.  She will appreciate this.

Don't stand in the corner.  If you must stand around for awhile, stand by the bar, in line for the bathroom, in the patio/social area, anywhere but the dance floor.  1. Usually, those places are pretty packed and it sucks to have someone just standing there, taking up space.  2. At best, you look boring. 3. At worst, you look like that really creepy guy who stands there, fantasizing about all the young girls, making this face.  You don't want to come off like that, ever.

Be clean.  I'm not kidding, I've had "stinky guy" ruin many a night club experience.  I know, most of you are not this guy, but in case you are, read carefully.  It's not just about the shower, it's how you shower.  Go to your local discount store and buy something that really scrubs.  *Hint* Those little puffy things don't scrub, they just lather.  Scrub all of your skin with it.  Wash your hair.  Make sure your clothes are fresh.  Wear clean socks.  If you're going to wear a cologne, try not to wear too much of it.  You will stop smelling it after about ten minutes because you get used to it, not because it wears off.  Everone you meet will have to smell it at full force.  Anyone who gets too close to you will be stuck with it for the rest of the night.

While we're on the subject of hygiene, brushing your teeth is not enough.  Long term lack of flossing creates a type of bad breath that cannot be cured by any amount of gum or even mouth wash.  This type of bad breath actually comes from old decay between your teeth.  You may be used to it, but no one else wants to breathe it (let alone taste it).  I know that "high tech mouth wash" claims to clean between your teeth in the commercials.  Don't believe them.  Floss works, though.  You can count on floss anytime.

Don't swing dance, unless it is a swing club.  On a crowded dance floor, it seems unusually self-centered to dance in a way that involves big spins and dips and flailing arms and legs, especially since it doesn't even fit the music.  However, invariably, every time I go out there is at least one pair doing this.  Stepping on people's feet and elbowing their faces and drinks won't win you any friends.  It might, though, get you "put outside", as my bouncer friends call it.  Anyway, people who do this don't impress anyone, they just ruin other people's good time.  Don't let it be you.


Learning to go out to clubs and have fun (and be fun to hang out with) can really add a nice aspect to your dating/social life.  People will be more likely to invite you out.  Ability to dance when called for is a good skill to have even if you decide that clubbing is not your preferred night life.  It will come in handy when you meet a girl that likes dancing and hated how her last boyfriend wouldn't go out with her.  It also helps when your friends want to go bar hopping and end up at a club.  It also saves your butt when that one really beautiful girl comes along and wants to dance with you, and you would otherwise have to look at the floor and say, "uh, I don't dance..."

If you have any questions or helpful tips and advice I didn't think about or forgot to add, feel free to comment below.

The Gunslinger Move - Forearm and Shoulder Strength

My dad showed me this move when I was a little girl (yeah, guess what part of California he's from...).  He said that the old gunfighters used to do this every day to keep their forearms strong so that they could more easily hold their guns straight and, therefore, aim better.  Interesting side note:  I saw a documentary about Mirko Cro Cop, and he was doing exactly this in one scene.  So...that was pretty awesome.  Anyway, this is a good exercise for anyone in or entering law enforcement, the military, or just your everyday gun enthusiast.

So for this exercise, you will need a prop.  You can make one with a stick (something big enough make a good handle), a rope, and a weight.  Tie the rope around the middle of the handle nice and tight so that it doesn't slip.  A little duct tape will fix it if you can't get it tight enough.  Tie the other end around the weight.  It doesn't have to be a big weight, just a few pounds.  The rope should be long enough that if you hold the stick straight out in front of you in both hands, the weight will be off the floor.

The exercise goes like this:

1. Standing in good posture (shoulders down, back straight, hips tucked, feet apart), hold the handle out in front of you at about chest height.  The rope should be right in the middle between your hands so that you're not holding more weight on one hand or the other.

2. Start rolling the handle toward yourself so that the rope winds around the handle, getting shorter and shorter until the weight reaches the handle.

3. Unwind the rope by rolling the handle in the opposite direction (away from you) until the rope reaches full extension again and then winds back up in the other direction until the weight is, once again, at the handle.

4. You complete the exercise by rolling the handle back toward yourself until the rope is unwound and the weight is hanging at full extension.

5. Repeat as necessary.  Pay attention to your body position while you do this exercise.  As you get tired, your hands will want to droop and you may start arching your back doing other strange things to compensate.

Awesome Tip of the Day:  If you cannot do this without cheating, you are either using too much weight or doing too many repetitions.  This gets tiring fast, so maybe only do this once or twice the first day if you're not used to it.  It is always better to build strength slowly and consistently to avoid injury and strengthen connective tissue as well as muscle.  People tend to get injured from trying to get stronger too quickly.  Muscle builds pretty fast, especially for men.  Strong connective tissue, however, takes time.  That's part of why gym guys get tears near the joint.  Take your time and do it right.  It will pay off in the end.