How to be Awesome, for Free

Leaving For Basic Training!

2011-03-05T18:45:00.000-08:00

Alright everybody, I'm on hiatus. I will not be able to update for at least a few months. I'm sorry. I will not be able to respond to requests or post new information until I get to a place in which I have time and access to a computer. Off to boot camp. I'm ready.

On Getting Offended

2011-02-18T23:54:00.000-08:00

We all get offended now and then. It's really unpleasant for the person getting offended and frequently uncomfortable for the offender. The good news is that much of the responsibility of getting offended, and especially how you deal with it, is in your own hands. If you find yourself being offended, here are some things you can do about it.

I apologize in advance for all of the generalizations.

The knowing offender. There are two categories of knowing offenders. The first is one who is an ***hole. This person wants to offend you and has found a way. It is quite likely that you are just as offended by the fact that they are trying to offend you as by what they actually said. I would suggest giving this person a really sarcastic look, shake your head, and laugh. That makes it pretty clear that all people present know that whatever they said was stupid and inappropriate. If that is not enough, end the situation by removing yourself from it.

The other type of knowing offender is someone who feels they need to tell you something important even if they know it will offend you. This is usually something for your own good, so even if it hurts you, it is a good idea to recognize that this person is probably a better friend than you thought. It's a good idea to admit to yourself that this person is really trying to help you rather than hurt you and accept it as such. It is the same idea as someone telling your that there is food in your teeth. You may not like it. You may be embarrassed. However, you are now saved from talking to the cute checker at the grocery store with lunch on display. Thank you, offensive friend. I appreciate your bold ways.

The unknowing offender. There are two kinds of unknowing offenders. The first is one who is offending you and should really know better. This is the person who is cracking paraplegic jokes in front of the guy in the wheelchair. Chances are, he's not trying to be rude. It's just really difficult to see what's going on around you with a severe case of cranial rectosis. Take a deep breath and calmly mention to the person, "So you see the wheelchair, right?" If that isn't enough, and given the situation it may not be, just say, "You're cracking paraplegic jokes in front of the guy in the wheelchair and you should probably stop." This is normally enough. If not, just don't encourage it and move on with your life.

Awesome Tip of the Day: When you feel yourself getting worked up, you are already losing your power of reasoning. This makes it much more difficult for the other person to explain to you that they meant no offense, and much more difficult for you to believe them. It is important in that case to remember that you cannot fight your emotion any more than you can fight fire with fire. You must calm yourself down. Calming your emotion will help you be more receptive to whether a person really is even trying to offend you or what else they could have meant by what they said or did. Once you begin to understand what is actually happening in the situation, it will be easier to diffuse it.

The other unknowing offender has just said something that relates to another thing they could not possibly know about. This is the person who says, "Hey, nice haircut!" and doesn't know that you've been upset all morning because the stylist did the opposite of what you wanted and you hate it. Getting upset with that person will not help. Thank them for their kind gesture and move on. They probably genuinely meant it. People have different tastes and you can't just assume that they feel the same way about it that you do so they should know that it's terrible. If you must, just sigh it off and let them know that you wish it was a nice haircut, because you just spent all morning being upset because the stylist did the opposite of what you wanted and you hate it.

The misinterpreted offender. It is extremely important that you understand that this person did not actually offend you. There are two situations in which this might occur. The first is that you actually misheard what the person said. They said one thing, you heard another. It's as simple as that and you must admit that to yourself and to that person.

Awesome Tip #2: While you're calming yourself down, try to think very clearly and rationally about one important question... "Why would this person say this to me?" Can't believe it? Don't. Unless this person hates you or is otherwise trying to hurt you, chances are they actually did not say whatever it was or at least did not mean it that way. Why would your best friend tell you you're too ugly to go out wearing that? Well, they didn't. Try to go back and think about the actual words that they said and try to take them at face value, without reading into them.

The second situation is that you heard what the person said, but misread what was meant. For example, if you co-worker says to you, "You look tired," and you think they mean that you look bad this morning, you're wrong. Most likely, they're just commenting that you look like you're having a rough day and should take a break. Or it could be that you show the tell-tale signs of a night out and they are looking for a way in to that conversation to hear all about what happened. In other cases, the person is probably also tired and wants to commiserate. None of these are offensive things. These are friendly things. If you keep that in mind, you're less likely to be hurt by what they say.

Final thought on the matter... If you find that you are a relatively sensitive person and the person who is offending you is insensitive, take a moment to understand insensitive people. An insensitive person doesn't not care about how you feel, they just don't understand why you feel that way. Sometimes they don't understand even THAT you feel that way. It is unwise to assume that an insensitive people should "just know" anything, ever. It won't happen. Sensitive people tend to use words and tones to express feelings and emotions. They speak a language that is meant to be interpreted and read into. Deciphering meaning in this language is truly an art. Insensitive people tend to calculate specific words in a specific order and deliver those words to express a specific thought, idea, or observation. This language is meant to be taken exactly how it was delivered. Speaking this language is truly an art.

That said, the person is likely to just repeat for you very clearly the exact words they previously said. If you tell an insensitive person, "You said this, but you meant that," they will disagree with you. They will be upset if you don't remember the words that they carefully chose to deliver to you. Reading into their tone or relating what they said to what that means to you (which they will not have known as mentioned before about assumptions) is effectively the same to an insensitive person as not listening at all. It is like saying, "I don't care what you're really saying. I'm inventing my own meaning and getting offended by it and blaming you." This is highly offensive to an insensitive person! They honestly probably feel bad about offending you, but you can't see it through their frustration. If it continues, and they are smart enough to not try to dig themselves out of the hole, they will likely assume that you are unreasonable and abandon the situation.

The best thing to do is to first calm down and second realize that the person did not mean to offend you. They're probably still unsure even why you're offended because they didn't say anything they could possibly imagine as being a bad thing. Insensitive people tend to make casual, objective observations and comments that they have no emotional attachment to or feeling about one way or the other. Their is no "good" or "bad" label on most things, so they will be completely unaware if you have one. Most insensitive people that I know are just as surprised when they find out that people naturally have this view as an sensitive person is to find out that people live without having that view. Just imagine the amazement between two people, one who has slept in a hammock all his life and never seen a stationary bed, and one who has always had a bed and never seen a hammock. Each has it's advantages but they are such different ways to get the same job done.

Best of luck! Reducing the incidences in which you are offended can greatly reduce the stress in your life and improve your general happiness, especially if you are one to be offended often. Also, if you are either a sensitive or insensitive person looking across that line, maybe this has provided a little insight on what is happening in a situation in which one person is unknowingly offending the other. Talking about it with the wrong approach obviously only makes it worse.

Her Room Online Lingerie Store Review

2011-02-18T22:27:00.000-08:00

Her Room is an online store for women's lingerie. Their catch line is "Lingerie We Buy For Ourselves". They carry lingerie, swimwear, sleepwear, active wear, hosiery, etc. There is also an attached His Room for that man in your life.

Anyway, the people at Her Room have seemingly thought of it all.

Return Policy. The first thing I checked was their return policy. They are good about returns and also do "phone exchanges" in which they send you the new stuff right away and just refund you for the old stuff when they get it back from you. Also, because their return policy is good, you can order a few sizes if you're unsure and just return the stuff that didn't fit.

Product Reviews and Ratings. Their products are available for review by customers, so you can see what people are saying about what you're looking to buy and also sort products by star ratings.

Bounce Tests. This is truly unique and really stands out to me. The took 40 or so of their most popular sports bras and took a video of a woman wearing it and mimicking a jogging motion. This is a great way to compare effectiveness in sports bras.

So many sizes! Her Room carries 28A-56K. I'm quite sure your size is in there.

See It Under... There is an option to see the bra on a manikin with various shirt/blouse styles laid over in to see what parts of the bra might show under a V neck, boat neck, button up, etc.

Fit Guide. There is a fit guide, which are suggestions on sizing based on customer feedback. For example, if the band runs loose, they might advise you to try a tighter band size and larger cup size to get the proper fit. This helps you buy and helps them minimize returns and unsatisfied customers. There is also a customer service representative available for online chat to help you make fitting decisions in a hurry. Furthermore, there are product specific measurements listed. For example, if something claims to be "low rise", they will tell you what it really is in inches.

Pictures. All products come with a variety of pictures from different angles so you know what the back and front will look like on a real person.

Shipping. Orders $70 and up ship free.

PayPal. I'm a huge PayPal fan and they accept it.

All in all, I would recommend looking through their online store and see if anything appeals to you for your next lingerie buying experience.

Get the Point Out of Freya Active Bras and Product Review

2011-02-18T21:50:00.000-08:00

This is going to start off with a product review and then finish with how to soften the pointiness of this particular bra.

Freya Active Bra 4002 Product Review

First, Freya is a wonderful brand that makes lingerie for women, keeping women in mind. What I mean by that is that they aim to make supportive, attractive lines for women of a broad range of sizes. It is one of the few brands that actually carries my size, as I am naturally petite and almost all bra bands are too loose to provide me the support I desire. I wear a 28F/30E in Freya sizes at the moment since I've lost some more weight.

Second, Freya's Active line is well thought-out. It appears they looked into what a really big and busty woman would need to wear while running and jumping and then made it also in my size. In fact, they carry these sports bras in 28D-G and 30-38D-H. 4002 is an underwire sports bra that looks like a 1940s full figure bra. They are made with a dry-wicking fabric that surprisingly does not chafe. There are three hooks in the back up to E cups and F cups have four. I can personally attest to the minimal bounce this bra affords me during highly strenuous and high impact exercises. While it is not "the perfect" bra, I would still give it a 4.5 out of 5 stars simply because it gets the job done.

Pros:

quick dry material that doesn't chafe
comes in a wide variety of sizes
keeps bouncing to an absolute minimum
comes in a variety of colors (black, white, nude, plus a sister style in red and charcoal)
underwire design provides separation and stability
encapsulation protects from upward bounce
fully adjustable (four hook settings on the band/a lot of room for adjustment on the shoulder straps)
durable

Cons:

there is a seam that runs horizontally across the cups that can be seen through clothing
cups are slightly pointy, very pointy out of the package
straps would be better if crossed or crossable
pricey at about $60 a bra

I would not recommend an underwire bra for sparring or grappling or any other sport in which someone might strike or dig into the wire area. It just hurts. Freya carries a softcup version but I have not tried it. I wear Under Armour high impact (cross back) sports bras for martial arts.

So What Does One Do About the Pointiness?

I gave this some thought and then tried a few things. I suggest washing your bra with warm water to start with. That seems to help the material soften up faster. You may machine wash it in a lingerie or bra bag (not with towels or other fabrics that are heavy on the lint) or you may leave it to soak in a bucket of warm water. Hang it to dry. When it is *almost* dry, put it on and wear it around the house on a snug setting. This should help it mold to you a little faster as it dries with your body heat to your personal shape.

After doing this once or twice, the pointiness should reduce to an acceptable level.

Want to Buy One?
If you are interested in buying one of these bras, I would suggest properly sizing yourself and ordering from a place that has a good return/exchange policy. The bands run pretty true to size. If you're not sure how to size yourself, click here.

I have made purchases from both Her Room (US) and Menary's (UK) and had good experiences. If you already know your size you may have luck with Breakout Bras. They tend to carry very few sizes but have better prices on the ones they have. Her Room also has an attached His Room for that man in your life.

Click here for a my Her Room review.

How to Not Get Deodorant Marks on Your Shirt

2011-01-27T11:01:00.000-08:00

If you are getting deodorant on your shirt, you are likely not using proper technique when you put your shirt on. Ask yourself if you are using your armpits to help get your shirt on. You are probably doing this without even realizing it. Try this instead:

1. Fold the bottom of your shirt out over itself before you put it on. The inside of your shirt will now be facing outward in the area that usually picks up deodorant marks. If you get them now, they will be in a place where no one sees them.

2. Put your arms through the arm holes of your shirt up to your upper arms, but not all the way to your armpits.

3. Put your head through while keeping your elbows up. The easy way to do this is to use your two thumbs to pull the neck hole open before your pull it over your head.

4. Now, use one hand to grab the shirt under the opposite armpit and hold it away from your skin. Slide that hand across the folded hem of the shirt toward it's own side, and then match it symmetrically with your other hand.

5. You should now have your head and arms through the shirt and be holding the bottom (folded edge) away from your armpits. Now you can pull it down with your hands, not sliding it across your armpits.

6. Unfold the bottom of the shirt so that it is on normally.

Awesome Tip of the Day: If you somehow mess this up or simply forgot to do it, you can get rid of the deodorant marks by rubbing the cloth against itself over the deodorant mark. If that does not work, wipe it with a damp paper towel or cloth.

~Why I Go Out With Her... Yet Another Saturday Night~

2011-01-13T10:07:00.000-08:00

This is just a moment to appreciate my dancing buddy.

A little back story...when I met my dancing buddy, she was a shy, passive, soft-spoken classmate of mine in Jr. High. She's really tiny anyway, so it's all the more funny to hear the things that come out of her mouth now that she is no longer that passive, pushover little girl. Apparently, she's grown a pair over the years and knows how to use it.

We went out last Saturday. She ended up dancing with this "Chatty Cathy" guy who wouldn't shut up the whole time he was dancing with her. She seemed okay with it, since most of it was flattery, but then it got annoying when he started reaching out and touching my hair. I mean, really, you're only here as long as my friend looks like she's having a good time. Don't push it, right? So, knowing how irritating that kind of thing is, after about the third time she looks at me, and then stops and turns around and says, "If you're interested in continuing to dance with me, you should stop that, right now. She doesn't like it and I don't like it and you can be replaced." Replaced?! Awesome! So he behaved and stuck around for quite awhile. Win, win. Nice job, dancing buddy. Fourteen years ago, I never would have guessed. :D

Guys! Afraid of Dancing and Night Clubs...?

2011-01-06T15:44:00.000-08:00

How to Go to Night Clubs

First, you're not alone. I say this because I'm writing this article in response to a personal request, although that was certainly not anywhere near the first time I've been asked about it. I'm guessing you probably have a wife or girlfriend that wants you to go out with her or some nice friends, male or female, that have invited you to hit the clubs. However, you're afraid of dance clubs probably mostly because you don't know how to dance. Many people will advocate taking dance classes to deal with this (and that's nice and all...), but I think there is a cheaper and easier way. Anyway, let's get started by just addressing some common questions and concerns that I've been asked by many.

"I don't know how to dance and it looks goofy if I try." No one is expecting you to be a professional or even be any good. No one worth talking to or caring about is going to care about this at all. Even good dancers are not usually worried about it. I'm a good dancer, and when I see guys out at night clubs goofing about with each other or their female friends or girlfriends, it's endearing. I love see other people having fun. Here's a secret, you're more attractive when you're smiling and having a good time. The girls I know will take a guy who is fun and unskilled over a guy who is skilled and boring or stuck up any day of the week. That's why "guy who can make me laugh" and "guy who is fun/doesn't take himself too seriously" is usually in the top three to five on pretty much any girl's list of what she wants in a guy.

"I feel like people will be looking at me." You have to be trying to get attention for people to notice you at a night club. It's packed with people, many of whom are pretty intoxicated, so few people can see you at all. What you don't think about is that many of the people there, including a lot of the girls, are too self-conscious about their own dancing to think about what you're doing, especially if they don't know you. If a girl is looking at you, she might be checking you out. If she looks at you and smiles, don't get scared. She's probably trying to get your attention.

"So how does one actually dance? Do I need to know steps?" Well, there's the easy part. No, you do not need steps. DJs at nightclubs go out of their way to make it easy for you to find the beat. You can start by just listening for it. Shift your weight from one foot to the other in rhythm with this basic beat. You can actually just avoid steps altogether if you want to. It's easier and leaves less room for error (like stepping on someone's foot). In fact, a lot of people get more goofy by overdoing the stepping thing. For now, just don't worry about it. Once you start to get into this rhythm, let your body just go with it. Take a look around. Try and pick up what other people are doing. I guarantee that you will eventually meet eyes with someone who is looking at you to pick up on your moves. You may be thinking, "Sucker, I don't know what I'm doing..." Most people don't, though, so you'll fit right in.

Awesome Tip of the Day: While you're out there trying to figure out the dancing thing, worrying about what people are thinking about you, here's a secret: There will be a lot of girls looking at you... wishing their boyfriend/husband was (believe it or not) as awesome as you! That's right, they're dancing by themselves because their man will not join them. See a cute girl by herself? That girl wishes her boyfriend was dancing right now, goofy as it may be, instead of looking "cool" by himself at home or at the bar. Boring.

"Uh oh, so this girl wants to dance with me. What do I do now?" First thing? Relax. Smile, she must think you're attractive or at least fun. Dance with her.

"Okay, now she's moving in on me and wants to do that whole dancing *together* thing." Yeah, let it happen. When the time is right, you'll know what to ... wait, wrong speech! Actually, this is the easiest part. She will either face you or face away from you. No real difference there. I must caution you to not get too grabby. Some girls may tolerate it, others will find it offensive and irritating. Keep it respectful. Try to avoid touching the breast and butt area. She will appreciate that. If she's facing away from you, you will be best off keeping your hands on her hands or arms. It's still affectionate but not too presumptuous.

The key is to just move with her. Try to avoid friction. Just stay close to her and try to get into her rhythm. This will probably be a very basic swaying back and forth with the simplest part of the rhythm, since it is most practical when you have a partner. I get crazy with music and rhythms and dancing, but on the occasion that I dance with a guy, I stick to what makes sense. Once you get into her rhythm, just get comfortable and forget the rest of the room. You can talk to her a bit if she's interested. Introduce yourself and ask her her name. She probably just wants to dance, so don't worry about having to come up with a conversation.

"What if I have to have some drinks to "get loose"? Is that okay?" Yes, but... try not to have more than just that amount. Unless a girl is really intoxicated, she's not too interested in being approached by someone who is really intoxicated. You may think you're a charming guy when you're drunk, and your friends might agree, but she may think you're just sloppy and obnoxious. Have a couple of drink if you must, then take a break. It will be easier on your wallet and help keep you from making an ass of yourself.

"How do I get a girl to dance with me?" Well, that only works if 1. you ask and 2. she wants to. The safest thing is to make eye contact with her before you approach her and try to judge her reaction. If she wants to to approach, she may make eyes at you or smile or something. If she doesn't, she will probably look away and try not to see you so as not to give you an invitation. If you're on the fence about it, flip a coin. Once you've made a decision, it's best to approach casually. If a guy is approaching me that I have no interest in, I usually move away a little bit to give him space. Any guy who approaches respectfully, asks me or my friend to dance, taps us on the shoulder or something, gets a nice response. Even if that response is no, it's still done nicely. If the guy is a jerk about it, he gets that in return. Also, be a jerk to one girl and all her friends will hate you, too. Be nice, and even if the girls is not to interested or if she has a boyfriend, she might send a cute friend your way. However, if you try all her friends after she said no, it may look bad on you.

"Am I supposed to dress up? What do I wear?" Well, that's going to depend on the place you're going and what night of the week it is. If you're unsure, ask your girlfriend/wife or female friends what you should wear to the place you're planning to go. Girls are usually pretty happy to give out fashion advice. If it's your woman you're asking, you're sure to please her. If it's just your lady friends, they're probably happy to help you look your best.

Other cool tips and clubbing etiquette...

Take "no" for an answer. Being pushy will not get you anywhere unless you're persistent enough for the bouncer to show you the door.

Don't be *that guy*. You know, that guy that comes up behind girls by surprise doing something that resembles a dog humping her leg? He deserves the same rolled-up newspaper to the muzzle. That same guy is usually the one that puts his hands on people unnecessarily when he walks by. You don't want his reputation.

You may buy her a drink, but don't think that entitles you to anything. It was your offer. If she refuses, it's probably either because she doesn't want one, or she doesn't know if you're the kind of guy that will follow her around because you bought her a drink. If she accepts, ask her what she wants. It's a little weird to try to choose for her unless she asks you to.

If she asks you to buy her a drink, don't. You're probably not the first guy she's gotten to pay for her drinks tonight.

If you dance with a girl, try not to occupy all of her time and attention. Don't try to cut her off from her friends. You want to be the highlight of her night, not that guy who ruined "girl's night out". It's fun for her to have a guy with her for a little while, but having some guy attached to her all night can really cramp her style. If a few songs go by, excuse yourself. Offer to get her some water or tell her you're going to step outside and chat with your friend for a few. Invite her if you'd like. You can come back later and dance with her again. She will appreciate this.

Don't stand in the corner. If you must stand around for awhile, stand by the bar, in line for the bathroom, in the patio/social area, anywhere but the dance floor. 1. Usually, those places are pretty packed and it sucks to have someone just standing there, taking up space. 2. At best, you look boring. 3. At worst, you look like that really creepy guy who stands there, fantasizing about all the young girls, making this face. You don't want to come off like that, ever.

Be clean. I'm not kidding, I've had "stinky guy" ruin many a night club experience. I know, most of you are not this guy, but in case you are, read carefully. It's not just about the shower, it's how you shower. Go to your local discount store and buy something that really scrubs. *Hint* Those little puffy things don't scrub, they just lather. Scrub all of your skin with it. Wash your hair. Make sure your clothes are fresh. Wear clean socks. If you're going to wear a cologne, try not to wear too much of it. You will stop smelling it after about ten minutes because you get used to it, not because it wears off. Everone you meet will have to smell it at full force. Anyone who gets too close to you will be stuck with it for the rest of the night.

While we're on the subject of hygiene, brushing your teeth is not enough. Long term lack of flossing creates a type of bad breath that cannot be cured by any amount of gum or even mouth wash. This type of bad breath actually comes from old decay between your teeth. You may be used to it, but no one else wants to breathe it (let alone taste it). I know that "high tech mouth wash" claims to clean between your teeth in the commercials. Don't believe them. Floss works, though. You can count on floss anytime.

Don't swing dance, unless it is a swing club. On a crowded dance floor, it seems unusually self-centered to dance in a way that involves big spins and dips and flailing arms and legs, especially since it doesn't even fit the music. However, invariably, every time I go out there is at least one pair doing this. Stepping on people's feet and elbowing their faces and drinks won't win you any friends. It might, though, get you "put outside", as my bouncer friends call it. Anyway, people who do this don't impress anyone, they just ruin other people's good time. Don't let it be you.

Learning to go out to clubs and have fun (and be fun to hang out with) can really add a nice aspect to your dating/social life. People will be more likely to invite you out. Ability to dance when called for is a good skill to have even if you decide that clubbing is not your preferred night life. It will come in handy when you meet a girl that likes dancing and hated how her last boyfriend wouldn't go out with her. It also helps when your friends want to go bar hopping and end up at a club. It also saves your butt when that one really beautiful girl comes along and wants to dance with you, and you would otherwise have to look at the floor and say, "uh, I don't dance..."

If you have any questions or helpful tips and advice I didn't think about or forgot to add, feel free to comment below.

The Gunslinger Move - Forearm and Shoulder Strength

2011-01-06T13:02:00.000-08:00

My dad showed me this move when I was a little girl (yeah, guess what part of California he's from...). He said that the old gunfighters used to do this every day to keep their forearms strong so that they could more easily hold their guns straight and, therefore, aim better. Interesting side note: I saw a documentary about Mirko Cro Cop, and he was doing exactly this in one scene. So...that was pretty awesome. Anyway, this is a good exercise for anyone in or entering law enforcement, the military, or just your everyday gun enthusiast.

So for this exercise, you will need a prop. You can make one with a stick (something big enough make a good handle), a rope, and a weight. Tie the rope around the middle of the handle nice and tight so that it doesn't slip. A little duct tape will fix it if you can't get it tight enough. Tie the other end around the weight. It doesn't have to be a big weight, just a few pounds. The rope should be long enough that if you hold the stick straight out in front of you in both hands, the weight will be off the floor.

The exercise goes like this:

1. Standing in good posture (shoulders down, back straight, hips tucked, feet apart), hold the handle out in front of you at about chest height. The rope should be right in the middle between your hands so that you're not holding more weight on one hand or the other.

2. Start rolling the handle toward yourself so that the rope winds around the handle, getting shorter and shorter until the weight reaches the handle.

3. Unwind the rope by rolling the handle in the opposite direction (away from you) until the rope reaches full extension again and then winds back up in the other direction until the weight is, once again, at the handle.

4. You complete the exercise by rolling the handle back toward yourself until the rope is unwound and the weight is hanging at full extension.

5. Repeat as necessary. Pay attention to your body position while you do this exercise. As you get tired, your hands will want to droop and you may start arching your back doing other strange things to compensate.

Awesome Tip of the Day: If you cannot do this without cheating, you are either using too much weight or doing too many repetitions. This gets tiring fast, so maybe only do this once or twice the first day if you're not used to it. It is always better to build strength slowly and consistently to avoid injury and strengthen connective tissue as well as muscle. People tend to get injured from trying to get stronger too quickly. Muscle builds pretty fast, especially for men. Strong connective tissue, however, takes time. That's part of why gym guys get tears near the joint. Take your time and do it right. It will pay off in the end.

My Core Sequence, Part 6: Upper Body Circles

2011-01-06T12:16:00.000-08:00

If you haven't already, please read Core Strength and Me and Introduction to Isolating Movement.

This is the final installment of My Core Sequence. I will eventually post other core and dance related instructional pieces. Also, keep an eye out for other fitness articles.

Some of these upper body circles can be quite strenuous and difficult to do with good posture and technique. Focus on that so as to avoid putting undo strain on your back. Be sure to do all circles in both directions.

Chest Circles

Your head will not move for this one. You will pass through all the full extension points in the Back and Forth Rib Slide and Up and Down Chest. Push your ribs out to the side, round your chest to the front, round to the other side, to the back, and repeat. Do ten and then repeat in the other direction. There will be no twisting involved, so your chest should be pointed toward the front the whole time, albeit tilted up or down a little.

Ribcage Circles

Your head will move, but your hips will not. Make a big circle passing through all the full extension points of the Back and Forth Shoulder Slide and the Front to Back Chest.

Awesome Tip of the Day: It is extra important for these next three movements to be done from good posture. Lift your torso as if you were trying to be tall. Especially if you are finding a bad or uncomfortable portion of the movement, really check your technique. Most commonly, it is the back bend that people are not okay with. Sometimes it is a strength issue and sometimes it is technique. Don't let your body sag on the forward part either.

Tilting Ribcage Only Circles

This one is a bit difficult for some. You will use the diaphragm area articulation point. Your head will move. If you do it right, it should look odd because the belly area should not move. Review the movements of the Back and Forth Rib Tilt and Front to Back Rib Tilt as you will be making these movements into a circle.

Torso Circles

Starting from good posture, and keeping your torso more or less stiff, take your torso in a medium circle making sure that you are leaning evenly in all directions (as you should in any circular movement). Do ten and repeat in the other direction.

Big Torso Circles

These require a bit of strength, so if you feel satisfied with the regular torso circles, just get used to those for awhile before you move to these ones. They are essentially the same, only you will make a much wider range of motion. You should feel a stretch and even let your body curve downward a little in every direction you lean. Do not twist. Do not lean further to the front than you do to the back. Chose whichever direction is most difficult for you and make that your range for every other direction so that you can maintain an even motion. With time, you will get stronger and more flexible at that angle and can increase your range of motion for the entire circle.

THAT COMPLETES THE "MY CORE SEQUENCE" SERIES. CONGRATULATIONS AND GOOD LUCK!!

My Core Sequence, Part 5: Upper Body Figure Eights

2011-01-06T10:58:00.000-08:00

If you haven't already, please read Core Strength and Me and Introduction to Isolating Movement.

Just like the lower body figure eights, if you haven't yet mastered Upper Body Linear Movements I suggest taking the time to get comfortable with them before you try to get into figure eights. The linear movements are the basis of figure eights. As with all upper body movements, your goal is to keep everything from your hips to your feet from moving. So if you're wearing pants, they should stay relatively still the whole time.

As always, it is really important to focus on posture and technique. It is much better to do it right than fast. A tall standing mirror is invaluable for this.

VIDEO LINK!!

Lateral Torso Figure Eights

These are athletically a bit more difficult due to the trajectory and range of motion. You should definitely feel a stretch. Starting from good posture, drop one shoulder as you start to lean to one side. Once you start to feel a stretch, begin to lift that shoulder until you reach the position you would be in if you were doing the Back and Forth Shoulder Slide. Your shoulder should have made a big, upward half circle. Now, start to drop your other shoulder as you slide your torso across your center line diagonally downward as far as you can. Start to lift your shoulder until you reach the same, fully extended position in this new direction. Point the original shoulder downward again and repeat the diagonal, downward slide. The figure eight will resemble an infinity symbol, or an eight laying on it's side.

Reverse Torso Figure Eights

These will more or less be the reverse trajectory of what you just did. Lean to one side, starting at the shoulder and letting your body bend, as far as you can (without letting your hips move) until you reach full range of flexibility. Now think about lifting your other shoulder straight up toward the ceiling and then coming to zero position. Repeat on the other side. Your figure eight will be a bit lopsided for this one.

Snake Torso

Lean forward starting from the chest until you're as far forward as you can get without losing your balance. When you reach this position, start lifting your body, starting from the chest until you're in the same position as you would be in if you were doing the Front to Back Chest. Now, lift your chest until if is facing upward and start leaning your body backward until you're at full range of motion leaning backward. Very important: Do not let your lower back sag. By keeping your chest lifted during any movement that involves a back bend, it helps keep your back muscles engaged throughout the movement. Once you reach full extension without losing balance, round your upper back the same as the Front to Back Chest movement. Now, moving chest first, lean forward to repeat the motion. Your hips will need to tilt a little front to back to make this motion work.

Reverse Snake Torso

This will pretty much be what you just did, but in the other direction. Start by pushing out your abdomen and then your chest until you are leaning forward as far as you can. Now, push in your belly (muscularly, NOT by "sucking it in") until you're more or less at the Front to Back Chest full extension toward the back. Lift your chest by arching your back muscularly until your chest is facing a bit upward (think limbo). Repeat the whole motion by pushing your belly out to the front and slowly rolling it out up through your chest until you come back to your full extension to the front. Repeat, repeat, repeat...

Twisting Torso Figure Eights

Push in your chest toward the back as in the Front to Back Chest. Start rounding out your movement to the side until you reach the side extension of the Back and Forth Shoulder Slide. Continue rounding to the front while you twist that shoulder to the front. Now, you should have one shoulder facing diagonally to the front and the other facing diagonally to the back. Slide your body along that line and repeat the rounding motion front the other side, untwisting and then following that motion until you are twisting the other shoulder to the front. Repeat, repeat. You will be twisting your torso in the same motion as the Twisting Torso and making a circular path on each side of your body, passing through the full extension points of the Back and Forth Shoulder Slide and almost through the Front to Back Chest (because you will be twisting and crossing your center line, you won't be in exactly the same place). Your shoulders should, nevertheless, stay pretty parallel to the floor the entire time and your figure either will be just like any other twisting figure eight.

Reverse Twisting Torso Figure Eights

This should be pretty self-explanatory. You will follow the same path as the previous movement only in reverse.

Twisting Chest Figure Eights

Do not move your head or your hips for this movement. Push out your upper back as in the Up and Down Chest. Round your movement to the side until you are in the same pushed-out ribcage position as in the Back and Forth Rib Slide. Start twisting until your chest on one side is pushed toward the front. Now, follow that same diagonal line as the previous movements. Bring your ribcage to the side while untwisting and then twist your other shoulder/side of your chest to the front. Follow the diagonal line backward to the other side and repeat.

Reverse Twisting Chest Figure Eights

Same path as the previous movement but in reverse. Start by pushing one side of your chest forward and untwisting toward the back.

Awesome Tip of the Day: "A thousand times slow for one time fast." Really, technique is so much more important than speed. Repetition is the only way to master these movements. However, mindless repetition will not help you. Mindful, self-critical repetition is the path to success for My Core Sequence. Film yourself periodically if you have a camera so you can make comparisons and track your progress.

NEXT IN THIS SERIES...
My Core Sequence, Part 6: Upper Body Circles

My Core Sequence, Part 4: Upper Body Linear Movements

2011-01-03T12:38:00.000-08:00

If you haven't already, please read Core Strength and Me and Introduction to Isolating Movement.

All of the upper body movements will be started from good posture. You may find that widening your stance just a little will help you with stability. The goal with upper body movements is to keep everything from your hips down as still as possible. For the sake of balance, it will not be possible to keep completely still, but try. You will find that the upper body movements pretty much match up with the lower body movements. If you find that you are either very uncoordinated in the hips, or just nervous about looking goofy, upper body movements may be a good place for you to start.

As always, if you're just starting off, it is wise to do just ten movements on each side, or twenty total, until you are comfortable with the new movements. Those of you who are new to core work may find yourself unusually sore if you do too much, too fast. Don't overdo it. You can add more repetitions next week if you find it is too easy. The most important thing is proper form so you're not training the wrong movement and not inadvertently causing strain or injury.

VIDEO LINK!!

Back and Forth Shoulder Slide

Start from good posture. Keeping your hips still, slide your upper body to one side, keeping your shoulders parallel to the ground, as far as you can. Repeat in the other direction. Try to keep from arching or hunching your back.

Back and Forth Rib Slide

The key to this is keeping your head and hips still. Push your ribcage out to one side as far as you can without moving your head or hips. Repeat in the other direction. Your shoulders will naturally make a pendulum motion if you do it correctly. Resist the urge to stick your hips out in the opposite direction while you do this. There should be a constant mild tension in your legs throughout the upper body sequence that helps keep this kind of thing from happening. You will notice your legs by the time you are finished.

Back and Forth Rib Tilt

Now you will go the other way. This will resemble an upside down pendulum swinging from the diaphragm area. I have a crease there in my skin, so it is easy for me to judge where that is. Starting from good posture, let your ribcage tilt to one side as far as it can hang without moving what is located below the diaphragm area. Your head will obviously move, but do not let your back sag. This is only a lateral movement. Now lift back to zero position and repeat on the other side. Do not let your hips or abdomen compensate for the movement. It should look like their is a joint located at the said articulation point and everything below that should not move.

Front to Back Chest

Starting from good posture, push your chest forward as far as you can without falling over. Do not look down. Keep your chest and head facing forward the entire time. Maintaining that same position, push your upper back as far backward as possible without falling. Let your upper back round in order to keep your chest and head facing forward only. Do not let your lower back get lazy and arch or you may put unnecessary stress on your lumbar spine, possibly causing pain. Try to keep your hips as still as possible, even though they will have to move forward a certain amount to keep you from tipping over.

Up and Down Chest

Keep your head still for this one. Start from that good posture. Push your chest (not your stomach) forward while pulling your shoulders back so that they stay in one place. This will effectively lift your chest at a wide range of motion. Now pull your chest in so that your upper back (not lower back) rounds. Your shoulders should still be in the same place, as should your head. Keep your hips tucked the whole time, do not let them go anywhere.

Front to Back Rib Tilt

Find that same articulation point at the diaphragm area that you were using for the previous rib tilt that was side to side. Viewing from the side, this movement should resemble the same upside down pendulum that the other one did. Start from good posture. Tilt your ribcage forward. Return to zero position. Tilt your ribcage backward. Repeat. Do not move anything below your articulation point. It is very important that two things happen during any of these movements that includes a back bend. The first is that your lower back stay in posture. Do not let your lower back sag. Doing this puts a lot of pressure on the lumbar spine. The second is that you lift your chest toward the ceiling. This will help keep you from letting your mid to upper back sag while tilting or leaning backward.

Twisting Torso

I'm including this one in this section because you will need it for the figure eights. Start from posture. Do not move from your center line. Rotate your upper body so that one shoulder comes forward and the other backward as far as your flexibility allows you to go. Your head should not move. Go to your fullest range of motion without allowing your hips to follow. Repeat in the other direction.

Awesome Tip of the Day: There is a tendency to start to arch or hunch your back or stick out your bum if you're not paying attention to it. Keep this in mind throughout your movements. Try not to distort yourself in the wrong direction while you are practicing. Keeping good posture will help you use the correct muscles, reduce the risk of injury, and make you appear more graceful and coordinated.

NEXT IN THIS SERIES...
My Core Sequence, Part 5: Upper Body Figure Eights

What to do with Long Hair for Martial Arts?

2011-01-03T11:17:00.000-08:00

I've seen this question several times now, so I thought I would address it. After many years of martial arts, both on the ground and standing up, I have found but one hairstyle that actually works for everything. It is very simple.

1. Make a nice, tight braid from the nape of your neck. A French braid is fine but not necessary.
2. Tuck it through your sports bra strap in that little groove above your collar bone.
3. Turn your head as far as you can to make sure there is enough slack to not restrict your motion.
4. Tuck the braid tail under your gi collar and go about your business.

"So what if I'm doing a no gi session?" You should be using a rash guard of some type. Tuck it through your bra strap and into your rash guard, around the side of your breast. There are a lot of reasons why a rash guard would help you even if you are wearing a gi and you don't have long hair.

"What keeps my braid from coming out of my gi?" Your bra strap is the first thing. It naturally directs your hair around the outside of your breast into a convenient area.

"What if I'm a guy with long hair, so I don't wear a sports bra?" The same thing should apply. Tuck it down through a shirt or a rash guard over your shoulder of choice. The stiffer the gi, the better. My 14 oz. gis have a nice stiff collar that holds braids in place really well. I normally don't even notice my hair, which is the whole point. A medium weight gi doesn't hold as well, so tuck it into something.

"Can I just tuck my braid down my back?" Be my guest, but you're not going to like rolling over it or laying on it.

"My braids start to fray really fast." Braid it wet. It's good for your hair anyway. If it becomes a problem, you might try placing elastic hair ties in various places down your braid, starting at the base of the braid and having one every couple of inches until you reach the end.

"So what's wrong with buns and ponytails?" Buns are great if you're just standing up and not doing any contact or anything that would require head protection. Ponytails tend to get in your face any time you spin or turn your head fast. They are murder for grappling because laying on your ponytail is painful and prevents you from moving. You will not be able to do any escapes that require you to scoot up. This has gotten me stuck in high mount many times. Don't do this to yourself.

"I have bangs/fringe and layers." I'm sorry. I made this mistake, too. The layers are not so bad if they are long enough to stay in your braid. The bangs must be either kept short or grown out for maximum efficiency. I made the mistake of cutting side swept bangs. Yeah, they look nice if my hair is down. What is not nice is this bob length hair that doesn't stay in my braid and having it stepped on and ripped out while grappling. It's not too fun to have it sweat-plastered to my face during forms and drills either. Ideally, hair that is all one length is the most efficient way. If you must have a prettier hairstyle, try to keep layering at a functional length.

That brings me to another point. The bob is a terrible idea for physical activity. I know the military hasn't figured this out yet, but it just gets in the way. You can't tie it back, but it's long enough to be in your eyes and your mouth. The way I see it, there are three functional lengths of hair. 1. The buzz cut/pixie cut. It stays out of the way for everything. 2. Pony-nub length. This is when it is just long enough to stay in a ponytail but not long enough to bounce around or get in the way. 3. Bun length. This is usually mid-back and beyond. Shorter than this and it does not stay well in a bun without "billions" of hair pins and probably lot of product. Hopefully, one day they will get over their "above the collar" regulation and allow the tucked braid...but I won't hold my breath.

Awesome Tip of the Day: I do not recommend using any clips or pins for any sport in which there is contact, especially if you will be rolling around on the ground. Your scalp is not terribly thick or very tough, but being that it is located on your head, it bleeds a lot. Want to find out? Try it.

Feel free to use the comments section if you need any further clarification. Happy training!

How to Sleep on the Plane - Traveling Happily

2010-12-27T12:08:00.000-08:00

For those of you faced with lengthy airline travel, sleeping on the plane is the only redeeming factor to look forward to after crowded airports, mediocre (at best) airline food, and TSA. If you can't sleep on the plane, you're screwed. What to do? Learn. Follow these guidelines to help you get the most possible rest before reaching your destination...

Before you go. Try not to sleep too much before you get on the plane. It helps to be a little tired if you're going to have to sleep sitting up. This may sound obvious, but many people try to be too well-rested before they get to the airport. This makes sense if your flight is going to be less than three hours, but I can't imagine why anyone would think they can sleep on the plane after already having a full night's sleep.

At the airport. Try to stay calm. Getting all wound up is just going to make you have to wind down before you can get to sleep. Try not to let anything that happens at the airport bother you. You're there. You have your ticket. You find your gate and wait for your turn to get on the plane. No big deal. Let security hassle you if it makes them happy. Tune out the family with the annoying kids. Have an overpriced beer if you must. Just don't worry about anything.

Getting comfortable in your seat. Okay, you've found a place for your carry on and now you're in your seat. Chances are, your seat is uncomfortable. For some reason, seat designers for both cars and airplanes have decided that seats that make you sit like Mr. Burns are the most cost-effective. I don't know why, so don't ask. The solution to this is to use a little airplane pillow, a folded up sweatshirt, or some other soft thing that can fill some space and stuff it behind your lower to mid back. This should help you straighten out a bit. It should also help your neck fall back at a more natural angle when you get the go ahead to recline your seat back the full five inches or so that it's designed for.

Awesome Tip of the Day: Scoot your bum all the way into the back corner of the seat. You are much more likely to get mid to lower back pain if you let there be a space between you and the seat for your lower back to sag into while you sleep.

Dealing with space confinement. This is a really difficult one for a lot of people. Feeling confined is very psychological. Here's an example... a lot of people move to island paradises and get "island fever", which is a term used to describe the claustrophobic feeling of knowing you're stuck on an island and can't easily go anywhere. The interesting thing is that most of these people never drive more than two hours worth of distance (so not stuck in traffic) in any direction in their home town. They stay in their city most of the time. They only start to panic because they are suddenly aware that they can't leave even if they wanted to. That said, a lot of discomfort on an airplane really comes from knowing that you can't move around much.

Here's what to do. Find a reasonably comfortable position to sit in. If you know you're sensitive to light or sound, bring an eye mask or earplugs accordingly. Take a nice slow breath, and let your body sink into the chair. Try not to move other than just breathing. This will help you avoid feeling restricted. If you chose not to move, there is no problem. Once you're in this relaxed position, try to just let all the thoughts in your head fall in importance. If you think of something, just remember that, "Yeah, who cares? It's nap time." Consider those imposing thoughts a phone that keeps ringing as you are trying to sleep. It's best to not answer, even better to turn it off. (Yes, I just called that better than best...) So stare at the back of your eyelids if you must. Think about how much you just can't wait to sleep. Think about how happy and relaxed you are. Pretend you just got into bed after a long, hard day. Before you know it, you will probably be asleep. If not, even just being calm in this position will help you avoid discomfort and feel rested by the time you reach your destination. When you do reach your destination, try not to snap to attention. Take a moment and let your thoughts come back and plan out what you need to do next before you start moving your body around.

Being restless. There are two remaining things that ought to be addressed. The first one is the restless body. If you find yourself trying to relax, but your body won't cooperate, give your body what it wants. Take a moment from your reasonably comfortable sitting position and tense every muscle in your body. Hold it until it gets difficult to hold. Repeat if you must. Once you find yourself losing power to stay tense, let go of all that tension and just relax. Hopefully, that will get out that physical antsiness and let you get to sleep.

Another thing worth trying is a solid stretching and relaxation session before you leave your house. I do this any time I'm going to be in a car or on a plane for more than two hours. It helps my ability to sit still for long periods of time without becoming uncomfortable. A good work out is recommended for those of you who are energetic. Also, airport gates have plenty of floor space. I'm not above stretching for twenty to thirty minutes between flights if need be. It helps kill time during a layover and it feels wonderful. Most people just ignore me while I do this, although I've had a few people join me once or twice. I will never see those people again anyway, so I don't care at all if they think it's weird. My traveling experience is much more pleasant than theirs, so I win. If you are traveling with a close friend or significant other, it doesn't hurt to trade a little neck and shoulder massage while you wait for your flights.

The second thing is mental restlessness. Similar to the body, sometimes simply relaxing isn't enough and you need to sort of "burn off" whatever tension needs to get out. Choose something that is strenuous for your mind and do it. Try to visualize math problems and solve them mentally if that works for you. Visualize folding up a piece of paper, punching a couple of holes in it, and try to figure where the holes would be located if you unfolded it. Try to remember all the signs you saw on your way to the plane. Whatever it takes, just tire your mind so it is willing to submit to relaxation.

If you have any questions about your particular sleeping challenges while traveling, place them in the comments below and I would be happy to help you come up with solutions.

My Core Sequence, Part 3: Lower Body Figure Eights

2010-12-10T13:34:00.000-08:00

If you haven't already, first read Core Strength and Me and Introduction to Isolating Movement.

Figure eights are probably the most complicated and difficult movements in the sequence, so make sure you have a good handle on Lower Body Linear Movements before you get yourself frustrated with this. Do not attempt to learn this without a mirror. Remember to start with ten movements on each side, or twenty total.

VIDEO LINK!

Basic Figure Eights

Remember the Pendulum? This movement comes from that. The difference is that you will not drop your hip on your way back to zero position. You will keep your hip up until you get to zero position. So essentially, you will be making a big upward circle on one side, then another on the other side. Start in the same position as you would for the Pendulum, do not forget your good posture. Bring your hip up as you let it slide out to the side as usual. Now slide your hips back to your centerline without dropping your hip. This should remind you of Up and Down. Now that you are here, come back to neutral position and repeat the movement exactly on the opposite side. When you put both sides together into one movement, you should see your hips making a sideways figure eight (or infinity symbol) in the mirror in front of you.

Inverted Figure Eights

This is to the Inverted Pendulum as the previous movement is to the regular Pendulum. You will start the movement exactly as you would the Inverted Pendulum only maintain your hip down as you return it to your center line (also like the Up and Down). You will pass through neutral position on your centerline as you repeat the movement on the other side.

Stationary Twist

This is not a figure eight, but has the same relation to the Twisting Figure Eight as the Up and Down has to the Figure Eight. Stand at neutral position in good posture. Without moving from your center line (neither side to side, nor forward or backward) facing the mirror, twist your hips such that one hip comes forward and the other goes backward. Now repeat on the other side. It can be difficult to do this in good posture if you're not used to it, so really fight for it. It will be impossible to keep your whole rib cage still with this particular movement, so just try to keep your chest and shoulders in the same place.

Twisting Figure Eight

The figure eight in this movement will be parallel to the floor, with each hip making one of the circles and the center being at neutral position. Start from neutral position. Do one side of your Stationary Twist. Now, bring your rear hip in a circle, parallel to the floor, toward the front as you twist. Now that hip should be in front, your other hip to the rear, and you should be back at your centerline. Repeat the movement on the opposite side, bringing that hip in a circle from the rear to the front as you twist and return to your centerline. Again, try and keep your chest and shoulders still.

Reverse Twisting Figure Eight

This is exactly like the previous movement only you will bring your hips in circles that travel from the front to the rear as you twist. Do not move your chest or shoulders.

Bicycle Hips

This is a tough one. There is no figure eight in this movement. Your hips will make alternating circles in a forward, downward motion just as your feet would if you were pedaling a bike. You will be using a combination of Up and Downs and Stationary Twists. This is a smaller movement, so you should be able to keep still from the diaphragm down. Start with the first half of your Up and Down motion so that one hip is high and the other low. Now, twist your high hip forward and your low hip backward while your bring both hips level with eachother (parallel to the ground). At this point, you should be half way into a Stationary Twist and your Up and Down will be neutral. Continue the downward, forward circular motion with the hip that was up, and the backward, upward circular motion with the hip that was down until the low hip is up and the high hip is down. That is one half of the movement. Repeat on the other side. Your hips should be circling forward and down to mimic two feet pedaling a bicycle. Your body should not be moving up and down or side to side. All the work will be in your legs for movement and your lower torso for keeping your upper torso still throughout the movement. It is easy to lose posture during this movement, so once you get a feel for it, really fight for that good posture.

Awesome Tip of the Day: This really is a lot of leg work. Stretch those legs, especially your quadriceps, before you do your Core Sequence. It is a good idea to also stretch out your hips and torso in any direction you can think of. Take a break and shake out your legs if they're starting to burn. As you become comfortable with the movements, you will make be able to do a greater range of motion, which should slowly increase your flexibility. Stretch.

Reverse Bicycle Hips

No explanation required. This is exactly the same as the previous movement only your hips will be pedaling backward.

Snake Hips

I know, snakes don't have hips. What you're looking for is a rolling movement that, from the side, resembles a figure eight combined with a pendulum. It definitely rolls more than a pendulum, but it is not as clear as a figure eight. It is snake-like movement. Remember the Front to Back Slide. Start with that. Bring your hips forward. As you reach the end of your motion, tilt your pelvis upward. Now, when you go backward, try to do it in a rolling motion starting from the middle of your back and ending at your sacrum. As you bring your body forward again, start by pushing out your stomach just below your diaphragm and rolling all the way out to your hips. When your put the whole thing together, you should have a nice rolling motion that is equal on the front and back sides.

Inverted Snake Hips

This is the same idea as the previous motion. Starting from neutral position, tilt your hips upward and push them forward. When you reach the extent of your range, tilt your hips downward and push them out toward the back. Tilt them forward again as you bring them forward. This should help you achieve the upward rolling motion with your body that should move from your pelvis to your middle back. Try to keep your chest and shoulders still, more if you can. Make sure that you count these like the figure eights, one count for the front and one for the back. That helps you mentally emphasize both sides of the movement instead of focusing more on one half or the other.

NEXT IN THIS SERIES...
My Core Sequence, Part 4: Upper Body Linear Movements

Acing the ASVAB: How to be a Good Test Taker

2010-12-08T22:29:00.000-08:00

I was helping a friend study for the ASVAB the other day and I think I understand why he has always been, as he says, a "bad test taker". This is a very common ailment but I had never really thought about why until then. So, to all of you future service members (Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard, National Guard...), I present this guide to doing your very best on the ASVAB, and any other test you take from this day forward.

I'll use my friend as an example. He's neither unintelligent, nor uneducated, so there is no reason why he should ever do poorly on this test. His problem, and I suspect most "bad test takers'" problem, is that he goes about taking a test in a way that makes it more difficult and more stressful on himself. In other words, he both does things the hard way and gets in his own way emotionally over it. For example, let's say he has a word problem (math) that he's trying to figure out. He's worried about time, so the first thing he does is rush in and try to start figuring numbers. Next, he realizes that the numbers are too difficult to deal with without a calculator and take too long to compute anyway. Half way through, he finds out he's not really sure what the question is asking because he rushed into it. He may or may not come up with a good answer eventually, but by now he's getting flustered and makes a simple error of not converting feet into yards. Reluctantly, he chooses and answer but is really worried about whether it's right. He hurriedly moves on to the next question, still thinking about the last possible failure (and the clock), and starts layering on stress and frustration with each new question.

Wow. I made this journey with him through about three questions before I realized that he actually intended to do the whole test this way. I can't imagine anyone ever doing well on a test with that attitude. Stress and frustration have a nasty habit of clouding your mind and making you more stressed out and frustrated. I like to skip that part. Here's how...

Stop. Smile. "Okay, we're about to answer some questions. This should be fun. Let's go!" This may sound very strange to you, but this is the way I look at test taking. I am great at taking tests, so maybe this method has merit. Hear me out. Your attitude greatly affects your mood and your ability to learn, focus, perform, etc. When I go to take a test, I only bother to think about stuff that's going to help me. I ignore things that will not. The ASVAB is a great test because it is multiple choice, there is no point penalty for answering incorrectly, all of the math is meant to be done without a calculator, and everything is at a level meant for people who just passed high school. In other words, the test is meant to be passed. That's the good news. There is no bad news. Just remember not to waste too much time on any one question because you may run out of time.

Multiple choice tests are the greatest. On the ASVAB, there are four options to each question. Normally, you can eliminate one or two of those questions without having to do much work, if any. If you're looking at an English question, at least one answer is always ridiculous. In math, if you take a moment to see what the question is really asking, there is always at least one answer that, if you even just estimate, is not even close. What that means to you is that when you inevitably come across a question you don't really know the answer to, you can make a blind guess between the two or three answers that look reasonable and still have a pretty good chance of getting it right. That said, there is no need to panic whatsoever.

Speaking of math, keep in mind that, as mentioned, all of the questions are meant to be able to be done in a reasonable amount of time without a calculator. You have scratch paper. You'll be fine. Just remember that if you're getting too caught up in strange numbers that are difficult to calculate, you're probably working too hard. Who wants to work too hard? I don't like dealing with strange numbers that take me too long. I don't even like dealing with familiar numbers that take me too long. If I don't know 13x9=? right off the top of my head, I don't waste my time trying to remember it. I know that 3x9=27 and 10x9=90. It's much quicker and easier to at 27+90 than try to remember multiplication tables, so I skip that part and do the easy adding instead. There's no pride here. I don't get hung up on why I can't remember my multiplication tables from third grade. I don't care. I can get that same answer much quicker my own way right now when it is needed. In fact, after I add it up, I know that 13x9=117, just in case that comes up in another problem later on in my test.

It is also a good idea to glance at the answers before reading through the problem so you have a good idea of what your answer should look like when you're finished. This will help you make a decision if you're unsure exactly what to do with the information they give you. At least you'll know if they're asking for a dollar amount or a square footage of carpeting or a time or temperature. Also, if the answers are just a number value and each one is very different, you shouldn't even have to do any real math. You can just estimate and choose the one that is closest. That way, you get the answer really quickly and save some time for the questions that will actually require a little scratch paper.

There is a section pertaining to shapes and spacial awareness. A lot of people panic when they see this, but you don't have to because I'm about to tell you how to finish it quickly and get them all right. If you sit and stare at all the shapes in front of you, you won't see anything but a bunch of odd shapes staring back at you. Most of what you will be doing is matching up shapes in the example with shapes in the answer options. Step 1: Pick a detail in the example. If there is a particular shape of triangle, or a particular angle or side or arrow sticking out of a square or something distinguishable, find it. Chances are, each answer will offer some version of this. Most likely, upon closer inspection, two of the answer options will have a different version of this detail. Immediately, you can eliminate those two answers. Now you are left with only two to choose from. Step 2: Pick another detail. Which one of your two remaining options has the correct version of this detail? That's your answer. If you can do those two steps, you can avoid confusion and get all of those questions right, every time, in a timely fashion. You are left with absolutely nothing to worry about. Congratulations.

The most important thing for you to do is to stay in the moment. Do not dwell on any previous questions. In this test (if you take in on the computer, like I did) you will not be able to go back and change any of your answers. Stay away from stressing about anything you can't change because it doesn't matter. My friend was getting hung up on two basic things. The first one is that he would answer a question and then really want to know what the real answer was. Who cares? You answered it. Move on. You won't know. They will give you a number score when you're finished and that's it. That question is over and effectively no longer exists. Next. The second thing is that if a question was vague, or let's face it, stupid, he would actually be judging both the test itself and the people who wrote it. Again, who cares? Just answer. Guess if you have to. Eliminate two answers and flip a coin. You can get a great score without getting every question right, so let it go. The sooner you answer the question, the sooner it's out of your life forever and you can move on to the next one. The sooner you get them all done, the sooner the test is over and you can move on with your life.

Awesome Tip of the Day: Feel free to just guess and move on if you feel like you're getting too frustrated over one question. If you're stuck on something you honestly don't know or remember how to do, make your best educated guess and save yourself some time and frustration. Once you choose an answer, be sure to feel satisfied with it and relieved that that question is now gone. This will help you move on to the next one with a positive attitude. Remember, you really can get a great score without getting every single question right.

All of this is related to Emotional Discipline, which is another article for another day. In a nutshell, just calm down. You can't fight your emotions. You can't try to force yourself to not get upset. You can't get mad about getting frustrated. Those are all just ways of trying to fight fire with fire. The only way to lower your emotional level is to calm down. Whatever it is, it's not helping you, so it doesn't matter right now. You can get all worked up about it when the test is over if you want, but right now you need to focus on the task at hand. Whatever it is you're worried about, let it go. Maybe you're thinking about how much pressure you have on you to get this one question right because you need to get a good score to qualify for the job you want which is your future and your career. What if you fail? The military was your plan. Now what are you going to do with your life? How are you going to pay for school? Ahhhh! Deep breath. How about we skip that part? All of that pressure is stressing you out and clouding your test taking brain. Plus, all of those thoughts are distracting you from your work. The military does not ask you for a particularly high percentile to qualify for pretty much any job you want to do, so don't worry about it. All you have to do is take your test. You're not allowed to panic unless the test is over and you actually failed. Even then, you have the opportunity to just study up a little and take it again. No worries.

If you do feel like a little studying would help boost your confidence, http://www.military.com/ASVAB offers some untimed practice tests and a little more information about the way the ASVAB is scored, etc. ASVAB for Dummies gets pretty good reviews, so feel free to study up before you take your test. http://www.asvab.us/free_ASVAB_test_online.htm has a free online test that is timed, so that may help you. If you have any questions about math or word meanings, a quick Google search should put your mind at ease.

Good luck on your test taking future. Please remember that that ability to stay calm under pressure will help you at basic training, during your whole military career, and throughout your life. Keep your head and it will look after you. Thank you for your interest in serving in the US military.

Sick Dog Who Won't Eat or Drink?

2010-12-05T09:50:00.000-08:00

After nine years, my dog has finally gotten sick enough to be cause for alarm. Normally, she drinks water constantly and will lie to me just to get a second helping of food, so when she refused to eat or drink I was concerned. It all started off with what appears to have been a sinus infection. After about a day, she was becoming lethargic and disoriented. I noticed she was drinking significantly less water, so I figured she was just dehydrated. We switched her food to chicken soup, which she loves. Fever ensued. After about another day, she refused to even eat that. What with the arthritis on her back legs, she was just stumbling around sideways like a drunken camel. Not so good.

We took her to her doctor and he prescribed her an antibiotic in a pill form, which is hard to feed a dog who doesn't want to eat. I snuck it in with the eggs and tuna that I had to actually put inside her mouth, but after another day she wouldn't even accept that. Even after her fever broke, she still refused to eat or drink.

Running out of ideas, I went online to look for some more information about dogs who won't eat or drink, and I stumbled upon this article, which talks about feeding dogs maple syrup and water or chicken broth via syringe or turkey baster. I must say, I felt strange injecting a maple syrup and water solution into the back of my beast's cheek, but she liked it. After a few minutes, she was willing to take a short walk, which opened up her appetite for a little more tuna and turkey (in which I hid her pill). She even ate some by herself out of her bowl and then had a little water. This morning, she had more maple syrup, plenty of water, and some puppy treats with a few bites of tuna. The puppy treats she's willing to eat on her own. We will take another stroll soon and hopefully open up her appetite a little more. She's definitely on the mend.

Awesome Tip of the Day: Spoil your dog when they're sick. Just give them whatever is necessary to get them to eat and drink and take their medication (if applicable). Try not to think about how impossible they will be once they're both healthy and well-accustomed to eating gourmet dodo bird eggs drizzled lightly in unicorn tears and served up on a gold platter.

Update: Osa is eating just fine now and drinking plenty of water. Now it's just a matter of weening her from being picky, now that she's used to all the special treats. I let her be hungry all morning and she finally ate her food. We had some blood drawn a couple of days ago to test for Lyme Disease, which is quite possible in coastal California, just in case. Just waiting for the results.

Update on Lyme Disease: Results- negative. (No more excuses... ;) )

My Core Sequence, Part 2: Lower Body Linear Movements

2010-12-01T21:51:00.000-08:00

If you haven't already, first read Core Strength and Me and Introduction to Isolating Movement.

Linear movements are fairly simple and easy to do and a good way to get yourself ready for more complicated movements like figure eights and snake-like rolling movements (called "camels" in belly dancing). Lower body linear movements work exactly how they sound. They involve moving your hips back and forth or front to back in specific trajectories and articulating from varying points. The articulation point determines what area is not involved in movement, meaning from which point your body will be staying still.

Don't forget that all of these movements should be initiated with your legs. The core work will come from keeping your articulation points still. And keep your eyes on that mirror! It really makes all the difference.

VIDEO LINK!

Back and Forth Slide

The first movement is a simple back and forth. Starting from good posture (lifted chest, tucked hips), give your knees a little bend and get low in your center. You will articulate from the ribcage (at about the diaphragm) down. Slide your hips to one side as far as you can without moving the ribcage. This movement will be done with your legs. You should feel a little stretch in your side. Once this is achieved, push the other hip out to the other side. Again, nothing from your ribcage to your head should be moving. Keep a close watch in the mirror to make sure this is the case. You will notice that the muscles in the ribcage are working not to move your hips but to counter the movement in your hips. This is a result of having an articulation point above which nothing moves. This is where the core work comes from.

Up and Down

Starting from good posture and low in your center, you will be lifting one hip while lowering the other simultaneously. The articulation point in this will be a single point located in the center of your pelvis. The movement will occur by bending one knee, and then bringing it to neutral while bending the other knee. This is an important motion to get as it will be the basis of many other related movements, so give it some attention and make sure it feels comfortable. Your torso should not be moving.

Pendulum

This motion will combine the previous two. Slide your hip out to one side. As you reach your full extension, incorporate your up and down motion so that your hip lifts on the side of the extension. Because of the extension, you may need to come up on the ball of your foot a little on that side, but the other foot should be firmly grounded. Let your hip come down and you return to the neutral position and repeat on the other side. With your ribcage still, your hips should appear to swing as a pendulum would in the mirror. Check to see if your movement looks like this.

Inverted Pendulum

This movement is a little trickier than the pendulum because it feels less natural and involves a bit more of a stretch. You will do this exactly the same way as the pendulum only your hip will drop down instead of lift at the extension of the hip. Again, make your best efforts to maintain posture and not allow your ribcage to move from around the diaphragm up. At the very least, your head and chest should be still and he ribcage will follow with practice. If you were not moving side to side, your articulation point would be at your pubic bone.

Front to Back Slide

The concept here is exactly like like the back and forth slide only it is front to back. Try not to roll over your heels or toes. Do your best to keep your ribcage from moving.

Pelvic Thrust

Men love this one. Try to articulate from about your belly button down. If you were to do this sideways in front of the mirror, it would bare resemblance to the pendulum motion you were doing a moment ago. Start from the neutral position. Bring your pelvis forward and slightly up as far as you can go without moving anything just above the belly button. Now bring it back to neutral and mirror the motion for the same distance in the opposite direction. You should feel a squeeze in the lower abs when you move forward and probably a little butt squeeze as well. You should feel the same thing on the lowest part of your back as you move backward. That's it. You've got it. You're a rock star...

Pelvic Rock

This one is also really good for your lower back and is excellent for training yourself to keep your pelvis centered (not tilted backward, which is the tendency). Like the Inverted Hip Circle and Inverted Pendulum, the articulation point will be at about the pubic bone. Rock your pelvis forward from that point so that your belly button pushes forward as far as you can without losing technique. Now reverse the motion pushing your lower back out while pulling the belly button area in. Your pubic bone should not be moving forward and backward in space and the ribs up should not be moving either. This is a tricky one so give it some time and practice.

Awesome Tip of the Day: Since linear movements are done on both sides of the body, all linear movements must be done twice as many times receive equal attention as neutral movements like circles. Left and right or front and back each count as one. So, if I were doing ten each of my circles, I must do ten per side or twenty total of each linear movement (and figure eight, as you will see in the next installment of this series).

NEXT IN THIS SERIES...
My Core Sequence, Part 3: Lower Body Figure Eights

My Core Sequence, Part 1: Lower Body Circles

2010-12-01T11:27:00.000-08:00

If you haven't already, first read Core Strength and Me and My Core Sequence, Introduction to Isolating Movement. If you're having a hard time with circles, start with Lower Body Linear Movements. It may help you get a feel for it.

There are many ways to make lower body circles. You can articulate your circles from different points on your body, but they are all circles. That means that whatever part of your body becomes the widest part of the circle, it should stay an equal distance from the center line you would have if you were standing up straight. This is important for the circle to stay fluid and also important to ensure that you are working and stretching the muscles on all sides evenly. For example, if you push your circles more out to the front than to the back, you will be doing more work on the front than on the back and, therefore, develop unevenly.

Awesome Tip of the Day: Remember to keep good posture throughout the movements. Lift your ribs and tuck your hips. Letting your back or shoulders sag or curve unnaturally can put undo strain on specific vertebrae, which can cause you pain or exacerbate pre-existing injuries. None of these movements should hurt.

VIDEO LINK!

Big Circles

Big circles articulate all the way from your head. Your stand from good posture and lean to one side while sticking your hip out to the other side. Try to keep your head in the same place. It will be impossible to keep it in exactly the same place, but do your best. Now try it on the other side. Once you see how this feels and looks, try it to the front and to the back, making sure that when you stick your hip out in any direction, the end of your movement places your hip at the same distance from your center line as it would in any other direction. Once you have a feel for that, try taking your hip in a big circle connecting all the dots from side to front to side to back. Do maybe ten and then try it in the other direction, making sure that your head is staying in the same place as much as possible. Big circles should resemble the big hip circles one does to stretch before working out.

Upper Hip Circles

The idea of these is exactly the same as the Big Circles only instead of articulating from below the head, you will articulate below the ribs as viewed from the front (so right around your diaphragm). That means that from the ribs up, you should not be moving. Your hips will still be the outside of the circle. You may just jump into this if you feel up to it. Otherwise, try the same approach of feeling each side individually before connecting the dot. Do the movement slowly in front of the mirror. As you move in a circle, you will notice that the muscles surrounding your given articulation point will engage in attempt to keep that area still. Those muscles are countering the movement that you are doing. Keep your movements even and controlled and those muscles will build strength and control all the way around your body. Do ten in each direction.

Middle Hip Circles

When you first start, it is difficult to drive distinction between upper, middle, and lower circles. When you get used to it, you will see that they engage very different muscles. Middle Hip Circles are exactly like Upper Hip Circles only the articulate from a lower point. This point should be around where the lowest ribs are (located on the back side). On a woman, this will be around your natural waist (smallest part of the waist). On a man, this will vary. Same as before, feel it out carefully and then do your circles, ten in each direction.

Lower Hip Circles

Same thing. Your articulation point should be around where your belly button is. You will notice that the circles are getting progressively smaller. Try to keep your good posture. Do your ten in each direction.

Sexy Hip Circles

These circles are a little bit different. Some people find them easier and some people find them confusing. Imagine your pelvis is a plate, parallel to the floor. You want roll around the edge of the plate. To illustrate, drop a coin on the table. Once it falls to once face up, it will roll around its edges (staying in one place) before finally laying to rest. This is what you will be doing with your hips. If the center of that coin or plate was in the middle of your pelvis, facing up, you will be making that same motion. Everything above that area should be still. The movement will be coming from your legs, as usual. You should feel the muscles working very low on your abdomen and back. Do your ten in each direction.

Inverted Hip Circles

This is the most confusing one and the one my ladies will probably find very useful. This one articulates from below the pelvis (around the pubic bone) up. Everything until this point has been from a given point down. The widest part of your circle will not be your hips, it will be probably around the height of your belly button. At first, this is all you need to worry about as it is difficult enough to figure out what you're actually doing in this movement. Once you figure it out, try to do it keeping still from at least the chest up. For a visual, imagine that your pelvis is a bowl. Do the same rolling motion with the bottom of the bowl that you did with the plate. Do your ten in each direction.

NEXT IN THIS SERIES...
My Core Sequence, Part 2: Lower Body Linear Movements

My Core Sequence, Introduction to Isolating Movement

2010-11-30T10:41:00.000-08:00

There is a common misconception related to any kind of abdominal articulations (hula, bellydance, etc.). People think that you work your abdominals because you're using them to initiate movement. This is false. If you see someone trying to move their hips, for example dancing salsa, and it looks awkward and wrong, this is probably why. The lower body (hip/abdominal) movements always start with the legs. The core muscles are used to isolate the movement. That's worth repeating because it is the core concept (you like that little pun?). Your legs will initiate all lower body movements. You will use the muscles in your core to counter those movements. If you use your legs only, your whole body will move. Add the muscles of the torso to keep everything else still and only the hips will move.

Awesome Tip of the Day: You will find that the upper body movements pretty much match up with the lower body movements. If you find that you are either very uncoordinated in the hips, or just nervous about looking goofy, upper body movements may be a good place for you to start.
Don't be afraid to bend your knees and get low in your center of gravity. Take off your shoes and feel the floor if you have to. These should all be very solid, grounded, strong movements. Try not to get too high up on your toes or on straight legs. There should be no jerking or straining. Everything should be very fluid and controlled.

You will need:
1 mirror, that's it.

It is really important that you can see what you're doing. When you first start, it feels completely unnatural, so you will have to train the motions by the way it looks and as your body gets used to it, you will get a feel for when you're doing it correctly. I have been doing these kinds of movements for near twenty years and I still prefer to practice in front of a mirror. That's another thing worth mentioning. I have been doing this for a really long time. For me, most of it is pretty easy. If this is new to you, you must have patience. It will probably take you quite awhile to get it right. For some of you, it will take a long while. I will do my best to explain and demonstrate, but it's really a matter of you practicing a little each day. Do the movements every time you pass a certain mirror in your house or every time you've been sitting at the computer too long and the practice will add up without having to sit down for long sessions that can become frustrating.

I will be writing and later demonstrating related movements grouped together. These movements will be thoroughly explained, so I will have to do a series of posts, one group per post. Within each group, certain moves will be more basic and probably easier for you. Start with those and they will hopefully help you build up to the more difficult ones. Also, some movements may require more strength than you yet have. Work into these slowly so as to avoid injury. Learn one entire group, then another. It doesn't really matter which group you do first, so just choose one you think will be easiest for you and have at it.

Posture, posture, posture! Before you start. Take a look at yourself in the mirror. All movements start from one specific posture. That posture is called "good" posture. Check out the Good Posture Checklist on this page in blue. If you do not work from good posture, you are training yourself to have bad posture. If you already have poor posture, training from that position will not help you fix it. It will also have you engaging the wrong muscles and possibly hurting yourself.

As with any kind of exercise program, use good judgement. If something makes you sore, no big deal. If something causes you pain, check your technique. If that doesn't help, stop. Be mindful of any pre-existing injuries that you may have. Take your time. New movements may be using underdeveloped muscles or use muscles in new ways. Give your body a chance to adapt and develop.

NEXT IN THIS SERIES...
My Core Sequence, Part 1: Lower Body Circles

Core Strength and Me

2010-11-29T23:03:00.000-08:00

I'll just say it outright, I have a pretty strong core. I tend to do pretty well on sit-up tests and planks and bridges and other core related things, especially for one who rarely practices these things. Somewhere down the line of being a teenager, I decided that these things were boring (which I still maintain), and I didn't plan to do them unless I was told to or if I had little else to do in the way of exercise. So why am I good at them, you ask? I grew up dancing. Not ballet. Not jazz. Not modern. I grew up with homegrown salsa dancing from the womb. My mom is awesome. By the age of eight I started bellydancing, thanks to the talented mother of my childhood friend. In retrospect, this was such a wonderful start to my life for so many reasons.

Awesome Tip of the Day: Not so much a problem for my female readers, but many of the men will get scared when they read "dance" or "hips". Bare with me. I also mention "striking" and "grappling" if it makes you feel better. No one ever has to see you do my core sequence if you don't want them to. I typically do it in front of the mirror before I get in the shower either in my room or in the bathroom. Few people have ever seen it. Just keep it discreet and only impress the people you want to impress, like your wife or girlfriend. You will thank me later when you discover new things you are capable of...

Over time, I developed a changeable sequence of core articulations to make it easy for me to practice. It's a nice way to get warm in the morning or get a little physical activity in before a shower. It keeps me strong in some really important places, which does wonders for my back and posture, while making me feel like I'm actually digesting my food. I have a balanced muscle tone in the torso, which creates a natural-looking waist line. I feel that doing a lot of (boring) exercises tends to give people a square look or just a funny, overdeveloped "six pack" area and a really weak back with big "love handles".

I realize that there are special workouts like pilates and certain yoga sequences that are meant to deal with this, but I think mine is better. The reason I think this is that, in addition to making the muscles strong and evenly developed, my sequence also encourages flexibility, full range of motion, and the kind of coordination that helps you on the dance floor and in the bedroom (be you a man or woman). Also, instead of holding poses or doing small articulations, you are really moving the torso in all different directions, which according to me just feels really good. Plus, this kind of functional core strength helped me a lot in martial arts, both striking and grappling. I'm not a big girl and my arms and legs are not super strong, but I can pull my own weight because of my core strength and flexibility. I may gain or lose fat, but the muscle and strength are always there. By the way, if you have a weak core, increasing strength in that area will likely cause you to gain weight (muscle weight) with little to no change in size, so don't be alarmed if you put on a couple pounds and don't know where they are.

So what is this, "Core Sequence"? Essentially, I took all the basic bellydance/latin hip and torso movements and strung them together in a way that incorporates various articulation points, ranges of motion, and types of motion including some movements that are not as practical for this type of dancing but very practical for training for this type of dancing. That said, you can do them to music if you want, but I tend to just pop out the sequence in sets. I like to do the whole thing together in sets of 30 reps per movement. If I haven't done them for awhile, I will do 20. If I am doing them frequently and have the time, I will do 40 of each. I would recommend 10 for anyone just starting. It is important to keep the same number all the way through so that the body stays balanced. No fair doing more of the ones that are easier or the ones that you think will tone one specific area the prettiest. That would be ridiculous. This takes me anywhere between 30-45 minutes, depending on how quickly I do it, so it's a pretty good core workout.

I will be posting videos to demonstrate the movements via my YouTube channel. These will accompany written explanations (see below) and be grouped by movement area and type. Eventually, I may put together some more dance related combinations to practice (once you adventurous types master the movements) so you can dance like Shakira and impress your friends.

Disclaimer: I am in the process of getting back into shape myself, which is very difficult during the good food season, so just ignore the little belly you will most likely see in my videos. I have recently dropped 25lbs of fat, so please don't think that that little belly means my methods don't work. They do. It's really just a matter of time before I have my old body back. And before you all ask, no, I wasn't pregnant. I put on weight largely due to stress and a couple of other factors that made me unresponsive to things like good food and exercise for quite awhile. I've sorted that out.

FOLLOW THIS SERIES!
My Core Sequence, Introduction to Isolating Movement
My Core Sequence, Part 1: Lower Body Circles
My Core Sequence, Part 2: Lower Body Linear Movements

Finally Updating Again!

2010-11-29T20:51:00.000-08:00

Hello, Awesome Readers! As you know, it has been quite some time since I've updated my blog. My apologies, but I have had some important personal things to attend. It appears that everything is now back on track and I can spare some time and attention to produce more information to share with the world...

Please check back soon as I plan to have new articles up within the next couple of days.

Safety and Awareness Go Hand in Hand

2010-10-05T00:17:00.000-07:00

There is no such thing as complete and total safety. As living beings, it is up to us to assess risk for ourselves on a constant basis. Most of this is unconscious and purely habitual. We learn these behaviors from our parents and our societies. For example, any time you start you car, you are approaching a potentially fatal situation. You accept the risk and take precautionary measures such as checking your mirrors, buckling your seat belt, checking your brakes, using your signals, and driving defensively. Basically, someone is likely to dies in a car crash eventually soon. You don't want it to be you. It may still be you, but there are certain things you can do to minimize your risk.

All of that said, I've noticed that people are often extremely careless about their personal safety in relation to other people. At the risk of quoting myself, I would like to submit this little exerpt from the Break the Cycle of Dating Users article:

I think it's important to know what a predator looks for. People like to do what requires the least effort and gives the most benefit, period. Predatory people are no different. This article was put together from the idea that all predators have a list of desired traits. To avoid predators, the best thing to do is to not possess those traits. Here's a story to help illustrate my point:

Two guys are hiking in the forest until they come across a ferocious bear. One guy starts running. The other guy follows, yelling, "What are your doing? You'll never outrun the bear!" The second guy yells over his shoulder, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you..."

So true. Although nothing will guarantee your safety, it's best to make sure that you are not the prime target in a roomful of people. Predators are not typically looking for a challenge. They usually are looking for the zebra with the broken leg, if you know what I mean. That said, if you show some assertiveness, show that you know what you want and deserve to get it, and show that have your eyes open for red flags, most predators will simply move on to the next target. If they see that you fit the profile of what they're looking for, they will start to focus their resources on luring you in and trapping you. Don't be that person.

Perhaps living in a college town has shown me an unusually high concentration of sheltered, naive, intoxicated, careless people who lack a healthy sense of vulnerability. Regardless, I feel this topic needs to be addressed.

First and foremost, ask yourself if you ever feel vulnerable. Do you? The answer should be yes. There are certain situations that can make you notice your vulnerability, but you should be able to make yourself aware of it on your own. For example, if I am walking in the parking lot at night and there are only two cars there right next to eachother, who owns that other car? I know one is mine. I look around and don't see anybody. Does that mean the car is empty? No. That just means that nobody who can help me is watching. If the windows are tinted, I should be paying a little more attention. That's not because bad people tint their windows, it's because I can't see inside them at night and have no idea who or how many people are in their. Am I paranoid. This may surprise you, but no. I'm just a little suspicious. I like to ask questions. I like to pay attention. I've avoided a lot of pain and suffering in my life by keeping my eyes open and looking around. I'm not paranoid for putting my seatbelt on before I drive.

I'm going to pull a few examples from my own life in hopes of opening the minds of some of my readers. Hopefully, you all will be able to see the patterns and maybe pick out some examples in your own lives in which you could change the way you do something to cover your bases a little better.

Walking to My Car

If it is day time, I look around as I walk to my car to make sure that no other cars are coming to run me over. A lot of people don't pay attention to pedestrians while they're looking for a parking place so I don't just assume they will stop if I'm crossing the street. Next, I make sure my keys are in my hand. I hate the idea of fumbling for my keys in front of my car. I generally keep my keys clipped to my pants because I find it useful. If you wear a purse, you should fish those keys out before you leave the building. Keys are also a great thing for slashing at the eyes of an attacker. I've never had to do this, but if the time one day came, I would be glad I had my keys in my hand.

I'm a huge fan of keyless entry. I like having my car door ready to open when I walk up. This is useful if I'm carrying groceries. It also cuts down on the amount of time I'm just standing there in front of my car. The best thing about keyless entry is that when I push that little button, it turns on the light inside my car. If it's dark, this makes me really happy. Just think, I can see the inside of my car before I get too close to it. If there were someone inside or even next to it, it would be a lot easier to see them before I got too close to do anything about it. There has never been anyone inside my car when I got there (thankfully), but who knows? I've been rear-ended on the freeway and I'm really glad I had my seatbelt on that day.

As I approach my car, I look around. I look at the face of anyone near my car and smile at them if they look back. If there is anyone, I give them a quick sizing up. I just like to see if they look like they're noticing me, as someone looking for trouble would be. I open my car door, look around once more, enter immediately, check my mirrors and over my shoulder, and start driving. If someone is standing really close to my car, I give them the courtesy of letting them get into their car before I get into mine. I'm just being polite. I'm also clearing out anyone with whom I would share a tight situation between cars. If it is dark or I am in an unfamiliar neighborhood, I lock my door as soon as I enter. It's safe to say that I don't feel scared when I walk to my car. I just like to look around and pay attention.

Going Clubbing

When I go out with friends on a Saturday night, I like to follow certain guidelines to make sure everyone is safe and accounted for. First and foremost, my friends and I always know who's driving. Second, whoever shows up in a car gets a ride home in that same car. Everyone has their phone in case we lose someone. If one person for some reason wanted to seek alternative transportation to go home early, they are required to alert someone in the group or they will not be coming out with us again. Period. It's terrible to be looking around for someone at 2am who isn't there. We don't go out with people who need to be babysat. If someone has a habit of getting too drunk or out of control, or too stupid when they drink (doing dangerous things) they will not be given a second invitation either. It's selfish and brings down the whole group.

Once we're out, we keep an eye out for creepers and problem starters. If we are a group of only females, chances are that we will attract the date rape types more than any other type. As soon as they bother us, we get rid of them in no uncertain terms. We're not afraid to be rude because they are clearly not just "nice guys". Nice guys take no for an answer. Being very clear and firm is a good way of telling a predatory person that you're not their type. More than likely, they will move on and look for someone that is an easier target. You're never 100% safe from these people. However, you can last a pretty long time by simply not being at the top of the list. You're best off being at the lower 50% of the list. Remember, you just have to outrun the stupid ones. Just by paying attention, you are already typically below the top 20-30%, sadly enough. If you're really drunk or stumbling, you start moving back up the list. If you are alone, you move up the list. Remember to look over your shoulder a few times as you're leaving the establishment to make sure that no one is following you to wherever you're going. People have really stupid ideas when they're desperate/intoxicated.

If you are a guy, your risks are very different. You are much more likely to have problems with other guys who just want to start a fight. There are certain things you should keep in mind to avoid this. First, try not to step on anyone's toes. Both figuratively and literally, this is all the trigger needed for someone who is intoxicated and looking for trouble. If you do, apologize immediately. If you have girls in your group, notice if they're being bothered by a guy who looks like trouble. If she turns him down and then he sees her with you later, he may get territorial and/or jealous and try to start problems with you. There isn't much you can do to prevent this, but it's best to see it coming.

As was explained to me by a bouncer friend, there is a magical time of the night when most of the guys at the club realize they are going home by themselves. They each react to this in different ways. Some guys just have one last beer and catch a ride. Some guys get upset. Some guys try desperately to molest any and all females walking out the door. And some guys get really bitter about any other guy that looks like he's going home with someone, especially if that someone was someone he was interested in. That time of night is really when all the trouble starts. It's right around close when people are pretty well liquored up and making their last, desperate attempts to get whatever they wanted out of the night. That's when the bouncers go on alert. You should too. If you're out with only other guys, it's a good idea to be friendly with whoever you meet. This cuts down on the amount you threaten other groups of guys who are more likely to see your "team" and their "team" as an us against them situation. After a few drinks, it is difficult to get a group of guys to back down. Your best bet is to just get out of there as soon as possible of problems do arise.

Remember that there are bouncers at every bar and night club. It's a good idea to make friends with the ones who work the places you frequent. They are often really nice people, and they are there to look out for you. They have no problem putting someone outside if they are causing problems. They have plenty of experience with drunk and difficult people and they know exactly how to deal with them.

Inside Your Home

Just because you're home, it doesn't mean the world stops. Home is a great place to relax and kick your shoes off, but make sure you keep it that way. I always lock my door when I'm inside. I have a very large dog that lives in the house. She is a big puppy at heart, but she has an extremely intimidating bark and a set of teeth that isn't to be trifled with either. As soon as it gets dark, I close all the blinds. It drives me crazy when it's dark outside and the lights are on inside and the blinds are open. Why? Try this. Turn the lights on inside the house once it's dark and open the blinds. Have a friend stand outside the window. How close do they have to be before you can see them? On the flipside, anyone can see you and your every move from pretty far away. This is a great way to get attention from stalkers.

Running Outdoors

Speaking of stalkers, it's a good idea to mix up your running schedule. If you consistently run the same path at the same time, every day, you are more than likely to get noticed by someone eventually. This will likely be a normal person that has a similar schedule. It may also be someone who is not so normal that you would prefer not notice you. Break up your schedule a little bit. While you're at it, run with a buddy. The more people in your group, the more you move down that list I mentioned. Just make sure you know the people in your group or you may find yourself moving up one of their lists. For those of you who listen to the ipod while you run, try listening in only one ear if you're running through a less populated area. There have been cases of people being attacked near where I live because they had both headphones in and couldn't hear their attacker approaching. That moved them up the list.

Blind Dating

Online dating counts as blind dating because you really only know what you've been told. Any time you are going to meet up with someone new, let someone intelligent know where you're going, who you're meeting up with, and when. Send them a text to let them know that things are going well a little while into it. This goes for men as well. There are some crazy people out there. Most likely nothing will ever happen to you. On the other hand, it doesn't hurt to let someone know what you're up to. You don't have to tell them in a paranoid sounding way. Just say that you're going to meet up with a new date and you'll drop them a text if you need rescuing. Any good wing man (that includes females) will have your back. Do not get in this person's car until you know them. Do not let them into yours. Do not go to their house or have them at yours. Save it for after you've had time to reflect on what you've learned about them. If you must, take note of your surroundings, like what's in the car, how it smells, etc. All these things will give you subtle clues about who you're hanging out with. Some people do this naturally and without noticing it. Others have to learn.

Awesome Tip of the Day: While we're on that subject, consider the possibility that the things this person tells you may not be true. A predatory person will say and do things to get your trust. These things are often things that will gain sympathy, like telling you that they are too trusting. They may also manipulate you into giving up your skepticism if they notice it. Many predators call out their victims on their distrust. Once the victim's distrust is exposed, they often feel embarrassed into ignoring their instincts. Don't let this happen to you. This works on men, too, in case you are one.

Just remember that all situations have little precautions available to the aware and creative that are little or no extra effort but that go a long way in preserving your safety, even though that safety is subjective.

A Clean Bathroom in 15 Minutes or Less

2010-09-29T12:58:00.000-07:00

To be fair, this excludes the shower. The shower doesn't always need to be cleaned. As for the rest of it, each one of the little tasks below should take no more than a minute or two each and there aren't that many of them.

You will need...

1 toilet brush and toilet bowl cleaner
Glass cleaner
A few paper towels or a bathroom sponge (only used in the bathroom)
Disinfectant wipes
Baking soda or Barkeeper's Friend
Swiffer or vacuum
Trash bags
Gloves (I like disposable, non-sterile med exam gloves that are cheap at Costco)

Put on your gloves. Pour toilet bowl cleaner over the toilet bowl so it has a chance to start. Dampen a paper towel or sponge and pour a little baking soda or Barkeeper's Friend on it. Use it to polish the sink and sink area. Rinse. Spray a little glass cleaner on a new paper towel and polish the mirror. This should take 30 seconds to a minute. Pull out a disinfectant wipe and wipe down the light switches, the door handles, and the counter. Throw it away.

Grab another one and use it to wipe down the toilet handle, the top of the toilet, the toilet lid (both sides) and outside of toilet. You will probably need one more for the seat (both sides) and rim of toilet. Toss it. If there are men in the house, it pays to give extra attention to the whole perimeter of the toilet and the floor around it. I'm not kidding, check the wall. If there is stray urine anywhere, the smell really comes out with the steam from the shower and makes it smell like a public restroom...or worse, a bachelor pad! Use your toilet bowl brush to scrub the toilet bowl. Flush placing the brush in the stream of clean water. Swish the brush and give the whole thing one last quick scrub. Flush again. Tap the brush handle on the edge of the toilet to shake excess water into the bowl (do this gently unless you want to wear it). Replace the brush in it's holder. Remove your gloves inside out and throw them away.

Shake out or replace your rugs and towels. Vacuum or Swiffer the floor. (If your floor is actually dirty, wipe it down with one of the disinfectant wipes. You can do this quickly on your hands and knees or you can attach it to your Swiffer. Remove the trash bag. Done.

Awesome Tip of the Day: When you replace your trash bag, layer two or three. This is a good idea for the kitchen as well. If you have a hole in the bag or something especially messy, this avoids spills. Otherwise, it just means you don't have to put in a new bag as often.

Extras

About once a month it's a good idea to run a cloth over the baseboards if you have them.

About the shower... I personally hate cleaning the shower. If it's just me, it can be done once a month or less. If there are other people around, it seems to need to be done all the time. I avoid needing to clean the shower by not getting it dirty. This may seem obvious, but it requires a little attention to detail. I'm in the habit of closing all my bottles after using them and rinsing them for a split second before I replace them. This avoids the leaky shampoo thing. Having something that drains (like a shower caddy) to hold all of your bottles/soaps will avoid leaving moldy rings on the edge of your tub. I try to place as much of my loose hair as possible on the wall in the shower. When I step out, I just swirl it and throw it in the trash. I have long hair but my drain very rarely gets clogged and I have no screen. If I get dirt (now mud) on the shower floor from walking barefoot, I rub it out immediately with my feet. This gets it out of the texture of my tub before it gets a chance to settle and require scrubbing. I hate scrubbing. Last thing is that I splash a little water over the shower wall and curtain at the end of my shower to remove any stray soap suds that had planned to dry there. These habits are not much different than clicking my seat belt and checking my mirrors before I drive. They are automatic and they save me a lot of trouble.

When I do clean the shower, I usually clean it the same way I clean the sink, using an old plastic container to rinse the walls if I don't have a removable shower head.

Anyway, time yourself. You can definitely get this whole task done much faster than you thought if you have a plan and make it happen. Fifteen minutes or less isn't all that intimidating.

The Healthy Smoothie

2010-09-29T11:45:00.000-07:00

(Click here for more cooking ideas.)

Today's post covers the basics of making smoothies in your own home. I grew up with a lot of homemade smoothies (licuados) and I absolutely love the way I feel when I'm regularly drinking fruits and berries.

Blenders

You will need a good blender. This does not mean that you need an expensive blender, just one that can get through frozen fruit. A cheap blender will work well in the hands of someone who knows how to make a blender work (more below). If you live in an expensive area, please do not pay more than $40 for a nice one. If you can get a good one for $30, you're in the right price range. Check Craigslist before you shell out for a new one in case someone is selling one for $15-$20. Once you find a decent blender in your price range, check a place like Amazon that has a high volume of customer reviews to avoid buying a lemon. The main feature you want in a blender for making smoothies is an "ice crush" button. You will probably be dealing with frozen fruit, so that's a good idea. No one ever really uses more than two or three of their ten to twenty available speeds, so don't pay for them.

Once you have a decent blender, you should hang onto it for years to come. There are two important ideas that extend the life of your blender and make your blending life easier in general. The first is that you should not try to blend ice or icy things without enough liquid. If your blender sounds like it's choking, it is. Be nice. The second thing is to not leave food or juice in your blender. This actually works to your advantage anyway, since cleaning the blender is the worst part to any smoothie. As soon as you pour out the smoothie, rinse your blender immediately. This makes it easy to actually wash later on. Try to avoid the temptation of letting it soak as you would a regular glass. Blenders have little rubber, metal, and otherwise just moving parts that do not like to soak. If you make this a habit (as they do at many alcohol and juice bars alike) you tend to get a moldy growth in the innards of your blender that is nothing short of disgusting. Just rinse your blender and place it upside down. Better yet, take it apart and rinse it while you still have the momentum of making things in the kitchen.

Ingredients

You may not realize it, but many of the places you currently buy smoothies from increase their profit margins by watering down their products with ice and then adding sugar. They may not be as healthy as they are marketed to look. I like to use only fruit, juice, and yogurt. Yogurt tastes good and gives your smoothies a bit of a creamy flavor. If you do not like yogurt, you do not have to add any. Frozen fruits give that icy effect if you like it. If you are very sensitive to sweet things, you may find that you need to water it down a bit with actual ice. Remember, a little goes a long way. Add a few cubes and see what happens. Then, drink it before it melts because when that ice turns to water, it coincidentally tastes like the ice melted and there is water in your smoothie. Not so good.

Fresh fruits obviously are your best option. If you happen to have a fruit tree or berry bush handy, you should take advantage of that and maybe freeze some of it for when the fruit is out of season. I like to also use frozen fruit from Costco. It's a good price. Before you purchase a bag, roll it through your hands. If it feels like the fruit is stuck together, that probably means that it was not refrigerated well while being transported and has melted and refrozen at least once. Just a thought.

The best fruit juice is just fruit in liquid form. A lot of juices contain a surprising amount of [not fruit] very high on the ingredient list. If it's orange juice, the "ingredient list" should read "oranges". That's just my opinion. A lot of bottled juices (especially those that are not refrigerated) are "cocktail juices". This usually means that they contain comparatively little of the fruit juice marketed on the front of the bottle, like blueberry or pomegranate. They are mostly grape juice because it's cheap. They are often loaded with sugars, syrups, and/or preservatives as well. Sometimes you get lucky and find a NSA (no sugar added), healthy bottled juice. If you can find one on sale, stock up. I found $4 juices on "manager special 18 hour sale" or something to that effect for $1 a piece at Albertson's one day. Limit 2? So I bought two, put them in my car, and returned for two more. Four for the price of one is what I like to pay.

Pulpy juices taste the best in my opinion. I love apple juice but it tastes tastes terrible in smoothies, especially ones with berries or tropical fruits. I like orange juice, carrot juice, pineapple juice, and coconut juice the best.

Blending

Blending well starts with filling the blender in the right order. It really pays to have something soft at the bottom, like bananas, yogurt, soft fruits, etc. Frozen fruits should go on top. The blender really needs some liquid to help it blend frozen things and it blends whatever is next to the blades first. Once you have all of the soft stuff and frozen stuff in there, pour in juice to about the same level. That should give it a good consistency.

Awesome Tip of the Day: Everyone makes way more than they need the first time they make a smoothie. To help you gauge the amount you should be putting into the blender, try a little trick we use at the bar to avoid waste. Fill the glass you plan to drink out of with the fruits and frozen stuff. Pour that into the blender. Add liquid to the same level.

Put the top on the blender. Use your "ice crush" setting first. Once the icy ingredients seem manageable, use another blend setting for a good minute to make sure it blends evenly. Listen for the sound of the blender either choking or running hard without actually blending. The latter will be somewhat similar to punching the gas peddle in your car while it's in neutral. If this happens, it is probably not because your blender is inadequate, as most people assume. If air gets trapped in the mix, the blades run in a bubble while the mix is unaffected. There are three things you can do about this. The first is to hold the blender firmly to the motor and shake it a little. If that doesn't work, try tilting the whole thing at a slight angle for a few seconds. If that doesn't work, turn off the motor, shake the bubbles to the top, and then start again on a slower speed. Once you get a good swirl going on a slower speed, transition directly into a higher speed so that it will blend thoroughly. This should help you avoid the bubbles. Every so often, you get a frozen strawberry or something legitimately stuck under the blades. If this happens, turn the whole thing off and remove the blender from the motor/stand. Use something with a long handle (not your hand) like a butter knife or something unimportant to pry it out of there. Replace the blender and start again.

To your health!

Furry Pets and Hot Days

2010-09-27T14:38:00.000-07:00

We're having a nice heat wave right now in S. California. Great for me. Not so great for Osa. As you may know, German Shepherds have two coats of hair. That extra undercoat they have is for insulation in cold weather. On hot days she can really suffer, especially now that she is getting old.

I'm assuming that not everyone has a chance to take their dog to the beach half the day and let them play in the cold ocean. Probably, most of you have jobs or other matters to attend. Before you leave your canine pal outside in the heat, please consider that he/she will be there, wherever you leave him/her, until you get back.

Make sure you have a dog house or umbrella or something outside for them to have shade. Fill up the water bowl before you leave with fresh water. If you can, fill it half way with ice and the rest with water. Then, make sure the water bowl is somewhere in the shade. They really appreciate it.

Awesome Tip of the Day: What else is all that fur good for? Absorbing water. On hot, dry days, I like to chase my dog around with the hose for a few minutes. It's a fun game for her and good target practice for me. All that water helps keep her cool until it's time to bring her back in the house. With this heat, she is dry enough to come in by then.

Guilt Free Apple Oat Cobbler | Recipe

2010-09-20T11:42:00.000-07:00

(Click here for more cooking ideas.)

Today's post is a gluten free fruit cobbler recipe. These are great for breakfast, afternoon snack, or desert for health conscious guests.

Apple Oat Cobbler

30 minutes, serves 6.

1 cup of oats
2 large apples
Cinnamon
Honey
Coconut oil (optional)
Walnuts (optional)
Berries or raisins (optional)

Cover the bottom and sides of an eight or nine inch glass pie pan with a thin layer of oats. You may oil the pan lightly first, but it is not necessary. Peel and slice the apples and layer them inside the pan. Feel free to add other fruits if you wish. This is excellent with peaches. Sprinkle cinnamon over the top of your apples. Add chopped walnuts if you wish. Sprinkle the rest of the oats evenly over everything. Drizzle honey evenly over that last layer of oats.

Bake the cobbler in the toaster oven. I suggest trying whatever pizza setting you normally use. The cobbler is finished when the oats have absorbed the honey and moisture from the fruit enough to stick together like a crumble dough and then lightly brown. Serve hot.

Awesome Tip of the Day: Cobblers are traditionally served with vanilla ice cream. This one tastes great with yogurt. You can also serve it with hand-beaten whipped cream. Just pour a half cup of heavy whipping cream into a container with a teaspoon of honey. Beat it by twisting a whisk in between your palms until it is light and foamy (think starting a fire with two sticks).

The Blurry Line Between Yes and No, Negotiating Consent

2010-09-19T23:46:00.000-07:00

The subject of what is and is not "right" to do with/to a person who has had some liquor came up this week in two conversations with two different friends about the same event. It shows me exactly how unclear the line between yes and no can be. Here's what happened:

One of mine friend had an extra drink in celebration at a night club. We later encountered some other friends of mine. The first friend accepted one of that group to dance with her and was having a good time. They accompanied us out of the club when the night was over and we walked with them to the car of the person who was to pick them up. The two friends that had been dancing together were walking together enjoying eachother's company and keeping from getting cold. As the group was loading into the car, the guy that was dancing with my original friend took a moment to put his hands in places they didn't belong and attempted to steal a kiss before he left. No luck, but still in my mind he had really crossed the line. I can safely say this because I know what my first friend's boundaries are. I can understand the attempt to kiss her. It was the general forcefulness (pushing her up against a wall) and touching her in uninvited ways that I felt was inappropriate.

The next day, one of my friends from that group asked me about the situation and I responded that [the guy] seemed cool until the end there when he really crossed the line. This confused the guy that I was talking to, who thought she seemed like she liked it. I disagreed, but to be sure, I asked my friend about it and she didn't remember too much of that last part, but remembered thwarting the kiss and mentioned being disappointed by the overall grabbing at the end of the night.

This is a common scenario to varying degrees that I feel needs to be honestly explored. I can't say that inadvertently or purposefully taking advantage of someone who is drunk is unique to men. It is not. What I can say is that I find many of the men that I know personally are unclear on what is and is not taking advantage of a woman, especially one who has been drinking. In effort to shed light on the subject, I offer the following analysis:

It is a strange policy, in my opinion, to find a person's limits by pushing until that person actively resists. It is even stranger to try to circumvent that resistance once it is received. It is much easier and much less offensive and legally dangerous to find out through asking or by passive suggestion whether a person wants whatever it is you're offering. One of the interesting side effects of alcohol in many people is apathy. As in my friend's case, her attitude was much less, "Awesome, this guy is grabbing me," and much more, "Whatever, we're leaving now." I can see how someone who is not attentive or doesn't know my friend very well might not notice her passive disapproval. However, I cannot imagine perceiving her overall stumbling drunken apathy as her "liking it", especially after she still managed to evade the attempted smooching while in such a state. Regardless, the majority of onlookers assumed that that was the case.

All that said, I cannot speak to the date rapists out there who really are selfish enough to intentionally hurt another person in order to get what they want. I am not an expert on the subject, but I don't see how trying to reason with such a person would make any sense. For the rest of you, please consider that the opposite of no should be an enthusiastic yes, not a drunken apathy. It appears to be common practice to assume that a lack of firm disagreement is encouragement. It also appears that many are under the impression that agreeing to one thing counts for automatic agreement to other things. This seems to be the basis of the "that person was asking for it" mentality. Really, they did not ask for it unless they really *asked* for it. Furthermore, just because one has consented to something once, it does not mean that they have consented to other instances.

To illustrate my point, I would like all of my readers to imagine meeting a new person in the neighborhood. Perhaps you've had a good conversation and they appear to be a nice person. You may feel inclined to introduce that person to other neighbors and maybe even invite that person to a barbecue at your house. All of this is invited. So how would you feel if they suddenly entered your house or began eating your food all on their own? Is it safe to say that you've "asked for it" simply because you've been friendly and invited this person to your house to share your food in the past? Of course not! It is your home and you decide when someone shares it and when they do not. Even though all of your behavior has led that person to believe that they are welcome in your home, they are expected to know that they cannot just enter as they please. So why is it different in reference to sex? It isn't.

My point is, for those of you who are good at heart and do not mean anyone any harm, please remember that people's affections, especially those that are sexual in nature, must be constantly evaluated. Trying to enter into sexual relations with another person is treading delicate ground. Think of it like driving. Simply assuming the light is green can have horrible consequences. Even in the absence of a red light one can still move forward at the wrong time. In social/sexual situations in which people are consuming alcohol or other drugs, it is much like a defect in the red light signal, like the power being out. Tread carefully. Make sure the agreement you get is actually agreement, not just passive acceptance or tolerance.

As it turns out, I am not the only one to feel this way about it. For further explanation, check out The Opposite of Rape is Not Consent, the Opposite of Rape is Enthusiasm. While you're at it, read Schrödinger’s Rapist: or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced. Both articles offer a good deal of perspective, which is good to have if you're having a hard time getting your mind around a situation.

Ah, Europeans...

2010-09-11T13:31:00.000-07:00

About a month and a half ago, I was sitting in my car by the beach at sundown, watching the end of the sunset. My husband sent me a text message, and while I was reading it I heard some people (two guys and a girl) approaching the car next to me, which was the only other car. They were speaking what sounds like some Eastern European language that I'm not familiar with, so I didn't really bother to look up. I just sat their texting back a reply.

By the time I finished my text, I looked out the window to see a surprising sight. There was a white, naked butt right next to my driver side window. Surprise! The girl was dressed standing in the open passenger door of their car while the two guys were bent over, drying off and changing. Normally, we from California change cleverly inside our towels, but our European tourists don't always bother with such hassles. They were naked right there in the neighborhood. (Lucky girl.)

So the guys who's butt was facing me was about half way into his dry pants, while the other, who was in the street behind their car, was still drying off with his towel. I would have checked to see if there was someone in the next car over before bearing it all, but they didn't think that far ahead. As a reward, I started my car, which was awesome! The guy next to me jumped pretty high off one leg, and by the time he landed, his pants were all the way on. The other guy tried to pull the same trick, but he wasn't dry enough yet. He got stuck half way, with a towel stuffed part way down his pants, hopping on one leg. It didn't seem like his bare feet were used to that. Oh my!

Needless to say, it was a treat for both me and the other girl, who was laughing hysterically through the whole thing. The two guys laughed after the initial shock wore off. Even in the dim light, I could see how red their white faces were. I backed out of my parking spot and said, "Looks nice!" with a big thumbs up, just to rub it in. I could still hear the girl laughing as I drove off.

I suppose I could have knocked on my window and been nice about it. I thought about that one. If my window had been down, I might have given him a little slap. I know, I'm a mean person. I also could have just sat there in my car until they left, which they probably never would have noticed. Nah.

The Basics of Cooking and Kitchens

2010-09-11T13:00:00.000-07:00

A basic understanding of cooking and how to handle a kitchen can go a long way in keeping you healthy, saving you money, and impressing your company. Unfortunately, many people are afraid of the kitchen simply because they're unfamiliar with it. A person who is inexperienced in the kitchen will often think that there is some special trick to cooking. There isn't really. You don't have to be a professional chef to make really good food at home and enjoy it. This article is written to take some of the mystery out of the kitchen and cooking. Consider this Cooking and Kitchens 101.

Time

Cooking can be time consuming if you don't know how to plan. Personally, I advocate cooking in bulk on the weekend or a day off, freezing ready made meals in microwave/freezer safe containers and pulling them out one at a time all week. You can label them or surprise yourself. If you're really good with time management, you can leave certain things to cook themselves while you get your weekly housework done. If inn half day, you have a clean house and all your meals ready, you are awesome! While everyone else you know is wasting money eating out and trying to fit in housework, you are enjoying your time off with a nice home cooked meal. Bonus, you can come home from a long day at work and eat a hot meal without having to cook.

It's important to remember that if you're new to cooking, everything will probably take you a lot longer than it otherwise would. Stick it out. Soon, you will become more confident and find more efficient ways to do things and learn to multitask.

Cookware

Non-stick pans are great as long as you take care of them. Do NOT use anything metal on them, ever. That includes forks, knives, spoons, metal spatulas, tongs, steel wool, etc. There is no point to have non-stick pans if you wish to destroy them. As soon as the Teflon gets scratched and starts to come off, you're eating it every time you cook. Don't. Plastic or wooden spatulas work great for everything.

If you like to cook, stainless steel cookware is nice and lasts a long time if you take care of it. I have some. They're a good deal more expensive, so remember that it's not worth it if you're not that into cooking. Whatever you decide to buy, make sure at least a few things have lids. You should be fine with a medium sized pot or two and two pans, hopefully medium sized or one large. Little pots and pans are often useless unless you want to cook one small thing frequently. You can scramble a couple of eggs on the medium pan and it's fine.

Regardless of what kind of cookware you have, do NOT ever run cold water over a hot pan. The quick temperature change can warp the shape of your pan. Also, most pans are constructed in layers, especially non-stick pans. A quick temperature change can start to separate the layers (like remove the Teflon). Metal utensils and cold water on hot pans are the two major cookware crimes that you must never commit (unless you like to waste money and eat Teflon.

Speaking of hot pans, do not place them on your counter top. Use something made for putting hot things on. If you don't have anything like that, just put it back on the stove over a cold burner.

Spices

Everyone has a different taste in spices. Stocking a spice rack is something you shouldn't put too much money into. Don't buy something unless you need it. If you do buy it, buy something you will be able to use more than once. The little individual packets are a rip off. I'm happy if my spice rack has sea salt, cinnamon, cumin, 21 seasoning, basil, vanilla extract and lemon pepper. Sometimes I will use a powdered garlic or onion, but I prefer the fresh onion and the pre-minced garlic that comes in a jar and goes in the fridge. Some people can't live without curry. Pick out whatever it is that you really like and keep just the basics.

Cutting Boards

They sell these great hard plastic cutting boards that are dishwasher safe. I suggest getting one for cutting vegetables and one for cutting things like meat and fish or sea food. Do not cut meat on a wooden cutting board because the meat juice soaks into the wood grain, meaning it's never really clean. I know some people are really into glass cutting board, but they dull your knives. Plates do, too.

Knives

Knives are expensive, so whatever you buy, take care of them. Do not cut on top of hard surfaces like metal, ceramic, or glass. I have a nice set of Henkels that I got for a good price from Costco. They come with steak knives, which I use. I bought a minimal set because I mostly use the tomato knife, the bread knife, and the large meat knife. I honestly am perfectly fine with using a sharp steak knife for all kinds of food jobs. If you live alone or don't cook very often, all you really need is one medium to large knife for preparing meats, and some good steak knives. You will use these anyway, but they are great for vegetables and peeling fruits or potatoes if you have nothing else, because they're very sharp and fit in your hand. Also, they are serrated, so they work well on bread. The most important thing is that your knives are sharp and straight, and that the handles don't jiggle. Keep them that way by not using them to pry anything or to cut anything they shouldn't be cutting.

Cleanliness

It's your food. Keep your kitchen clean. The easiest way to do this is to try not to make a mess and to clean things up as they get dirty. For example, try to cover things in the microwave so that they don't explode all over the place. Try not to let things boil over your pot on the stove. Try not to splash a lot when you stir things. There is really no point. Most of the time, you just need to mix the food and keep the bottom from burning. Because of the high heat, both of these things tend to require scrubbing, which is better avoided. Along those lines, avoid frying things and letting the oil splatter all over. Be extra careful not to spill things that need extra sanitation, like milk, chicken juice, fish juice, egg, steak blood, etc.

Once you leave something to cook itself for awhile, use that time to start putting away things you are no longer using and start cleaning up things that were spilled. If you are getting a lot of dishes dirty, now is the time to get a few out of the way (or start loading the dishwasher) before they start to pile up and look like a task you don't want to tackle.

Wear gloves. This is a good idea when dealing with special contaminants (like chicken, fish, steak or sea food) and things that just stink a lot (like onions and garlic). I hate getting these things on my hands because I feel like they're difficult to get off.

Preparing Meals

As mentioned before, I truly advocate cooking on day per week. Once you're making a mess in the kitchen, you might as well get it all done. Come up with two or three things you want to eat for the week. Make sure you're having some kind of vegetables in with your meat. It's a good idea to make use of those black beans and rice and have one vegetarian option for those lighter days.

For example, let's say you want to have a Stuffed Chicken Alfredo Over Pasta (coming soon) for one option and black beans with rice, vegetables, and corn tortillas for the other option. Start your black beans first and let them cook while you prepare your chicken. Put it in the oven and let it cook itself while you clean up the chicken stuff. Start the rice and then start the vegetables. While those are cooking, start the pasta. This way, things will finish cooking around the same time, so you can put them all into meals and freeze them.

Once you put the meals into the containers, let them sit out with the lid skewed (to let out the heat) before you put them in the freezer. Once they're not hot, freeze them immediately. Stick one or two in the fridge for today and tomorrow. When you reheat your meals, you can eat them as is or with a fresh salad.

Freezing ready made meals gives you excellent portion and budget control.

Actual Cooking

Steak
The secret to a good steak is to sear both sides on a hot pan right away. Once you do that, you have the freedom to cook it a little longer without worrying about it getting too dry. Put whatever you want on it (salt and garlic are a good start), but that one special trick is what makes it stay juicy inside.

Chicken
You can cook chicken in so many ways. If you're cooking it on a pan, the steak method works great. Make sure you cut a slice in the thickest part to check for pinkness if you're not sure. Raw chicken is not good for you.

Oven chicken is excellent. Make sure you use some kind of oil or marinade to keep it from drying out. Cook it with a high temperature so that it happens faster and has less time to dry out. Make sure it's not so high that the outside burns too fast. It helps to cover it with aluminum foil at first to help keep the heat in and keep the top from burning. I suggest a glass Pyrex for easier cleaning.

Fish
You cook fish more or less the way you cook chicken. If the fish comes with the skin still attached, don't worry about it. Cook it like that in the oven with the skin side down. Once it's cooked, the skin will separate easily with any spatula. Fish is ready when you can stick a fork in it, twist it, and have it separate easily (or "flake") along the grain.

Rice
You can do anything with rice. There are different kinds of rice and they're all good. Most of them cook in more or less the same way. You can get creative with it and try different spices and vegetables. Mix in a little wild rice (the black stuff) for a change in texture and flavor. You can add chopped onions and you don't have to saute them first if you don't want to, they will boil. Lentil also cooks well in rice. Arborio rice is an exception. It is a little more expensive and it's used for making risotto, which is excellent.

Pasta
There are so many kinds of pasta to experiment with. Some are standard, some are whole grain, some are rice... I strongly suggest adding a couple of drops of oil to the water so the pasta doesn't stick together. If you add oil after it's cooked, you will have to add too much. I like my pasta slightly undercooked, which is called "al dente". This gives it a texture you can actually chew. Sometimes I like fully cooked pasta, depending on what I'm eating it with.

Vegetables
Cooking these varies depending on what exactly it is. If I want to make a stir fry with zucchini and broccoli, I will have to start the broccoli first because it takes longer to cook. If not, my zucchini will be soggy by the time the broccoli is ready. I like to cook my vegetables covered most of the time because the steam helps keep them from drying out, keep them from burning, and cook them faster. I also like to cook them minimally because I like them a little crunchy. It's all up to you.

Recipes

If you're new to cooking, I suggest going online and looking for some nice, free, simple recipes with minimal ingredients. Don't try to tackle anything too complicated with too many steps. Too many ingredients can be costly, especially if you're not sure how it's going to turn out. It's important to remember that recipes are estimations. I don't measure when I cook for the most part. I've estimated for my recipes. Also, cooking times and temperatures vary from stove to stove, oven to oven, altitude to altitude, and desired outcome. You will learn to feel these things out as you go. For now, following a recipe is a good way to get some cooking experience. It's also a good way to find patterns in how certain things are generally cooked.

Don't feel bound by what is written in a recipe. You are perfectly free to add a little more of this or less of that. If you like more garlic, add more garlic. If you don't like pepper, don't add any. Usually, it doesn't really effect the outcome all that much other than flavor, which is personal taste. The food will still cook just fine.

The exception is baking, which is usually more of an exact process. Even then, I usually cut the butter and sugar in half and substitute for something else if I have to. Most classic baking recipes were invented in cultures that like greasy and sugary food a lot more than I do. It usually makes me feel weighted and thirsty. A decent understanding of how recipes and substitutions work gives me the freedom to control what I do and do not put in my body.

So get started! Choose a day when you have plenty of time. Find a simple recipe with good instructions. Read it a couple of times before you start and make sure you understand the process. Buy your ingredients. Invite a friend over who is also new to cooking and have fun with it. It's a nice change of pace from the typical friend activities and it makes prep time and cleanup twice as fast. As a reward, you both get a home cooked experiment and a new way of bonding. Many people start cooking this way and find out they really enjoy it. Maybe you're a chef at heart and don't know it yet. Happy cooking!

Sweet Tooth Healthy Oatmeal | Recipe

2010-09-11T10:28:00.000-07:00

(Click here for more cooking ideas.)

Today's post is about getting away from pre-packaged, pre-sweetened, expensive oatmeal. It's way better and healthier to buy oats in bulk. The problem is, they taste bland and boring. Here's to a tasty, healthy breakfast for those upcoming cold mornings!

Sweet Tooth Healthy Oatmeal

4 minutes, serves 1.

1/2 cup of plain oats
1 cup of juice (preferably no sugar added)
1/4 cup fruit of choice
Cinnamon (optional)
Nuts (optional)

Put the oats in a microwave safe bowl. Add fruit and cinnamon (optional) and just enough juice to cover the whole thing. Microwave for about 1.5 to 2 minutes. Carefully remove the hot bowl from the microwave. Mix with your spoon. Add the rest of the juice cold. The reason for this is that the oatmeal is already cooked and will absorb the juice either way. Adding the rest of the juice cold will help cool off the oatmeal at the same time so you can eat it right away. Mix. Enjoy.

The one I made today had orange juice, dried cranberries, and cinnamon. It was great. The orange juice had a lot of pulp, but it made for a pretty nice texture.

Try cinnamon, raisins, apples, and cranberry juice. Try apple juice, bananas, and cinnamon. Try blueberries, honey, and apple juice.

Try not to mix milk and juice, especially citrus juice, in your oatmeal. The milk doesn't like it. It's okay, but it's pretty weird and it doesn't look too pretty either. Just don't do it.

Awesome Tip of the Day: Eating a dairy free breakfast is good for those of you who like to work out in the morning. Drinking milk and then exercising can make you really sick. Don't believe me? Try it.

Break the Cycle of Dating Users

2010-09-09T19:32:00.000-07:00

Although I'm writing this with the "user friendly" in mind, it's actually good dating advice for everyone. Everyone (male, female, young, old...) has the potential to get walked on by someone eventually, but if it happens to you over and over again, the problem is you. You should definitely look into why that is, but in the meantime, here are some tips to help get you out of the cycle.

You need three basic things to help keep you safe from predatory people. Attitude, behavior, and observation. Attitude helps keep you viewing things from an assertive perspective. Behavior helps keep you from showing signals that are green lights to predators. Observation is you looking out for red flags.

Attitude

1. Dating is a hobby. Remember it well. Until it becomes a serious relationship, seeing this person is no more to you than going to the gym, fishing, blogging, shopping, whatever it is that you do. In fact, I would suggest squeezing dates in between these other hobbies and trying not to drop one for dating. Why? A nice person will understand that you have a busy life. A predator will be looking for someone who is either desperate or needy, or disproportionately giving. A user is looking for someone they can use, simple.

2. A relationship is an investment. As soon as you start putting this person in front of your life, you are making an investment of time, and emotion. It should be paying off somehow. Before you take dating to a relationship, make sure you are getting as much as you're giving. Also, make sure that what you're getting is what you want. If it fails these criteria, you need to cut your losses. You want to be able to look back on a relationship and say, "It was worth it." If you look back and say, "I'm glad I got out of there," it should never have made it past casual dating.

3. I don't need this. This applies in so many ways. You're lonely, so you start dating and meet someone who's "eh, okay". You're dating someone who's showing some questionably red flags. You're dating someone who makes you feel bad. "I don't need this. I don't need this. I don't need this." Then, you walk away. Users need you to need them.

4. I deserve to get what I want. Whatever that means to you is fine. Say it out loud if you have to. You should definitely never settle for something that isn't really what you want because you feel like you may not be good enough for something better. You'll never know if you can get something better until you get rid of this other thing and look somewhere else. There's a reason why this person wants to be with you, so stands to reason someone else will want to be with you. Maybe that next person is more what you want. A predator will make you feel like you should put up with them because you're not good enough for something better. By the way, if you don't know what you want, start with a nice person who cares about you, treats you with respect, and wants you to be happy. Go from there.

Behaviors.

This is mostly a what not to do list.

1. Do not ever let on that you have a history of being a doormat. There are a few reasons for this. The first is that a nice person may be put off by this if it comes up too soon in the relationship. Second, a predatory person is sniffing you for vulnerability. This is like a zebra showing off his limp to a lion. Showing that you have a history of being used is irresistible to a user...and, that person will most likely use that to gain your trust. They will play on your emotion and side with you about how terrible that is, possibly telling you how they know how you feel because the same thing happened to them, blah blah blah. Since you can't actually trust someone you just met, you're better off not talking about any of that at all.

2. Do not put yourself below the other person. This is related to the first attitude. A user will test you for "usability" (you like that word?). They're mentally checking off a list of things that show you can be used. Let's call this the "User Friendly" Checklist. Most people who get used regularly don't even realize they're doing this one. Ask yourself: Do you cancel your plans to hang out with this person? Do you do them favors regularly, like pick something up for them on your way over and then not ask for the money for it? Do you go places you don't want to go, or do things you don't want to do because it's what they want and then you don't get your turn? Do you cook or clean for them even though it's inconvenient? If you said yes, you're putting yourself below the other person. Accept it. Stop doing it.

3. Do not tell this person your life story on the first date. A user will love knowing everything about you right away, because now they will know exactly what to say to you to play to your emotions and experiences. Be the onion. Give them your first date layer and that layer only. Meanwhile, find out more about them. This is great if they turn out to be a person you want to get to know better. It will also give you a chance to spot some red flags without having already told them what you want to hear.

4. Do not call when it is unnecessary or inappropriate. If they say they're going to call you, let them. If they don't call within a few days, delete their number. If there was a real excuse for them not to call you, they will find a way to contact you and apologize with a solid explanation. A good person who does not call you is either not interested or busy. Calling this person is needy at best, stalking at worst. A predatory person is hoping to start this game of treated you like you don't matter and having you do all the work to keep coming back.

5. Do not stay with that person if they are mistreating you. This may sound obvious, but you're probably reading this because it's happened before. If you have a hard time judging this, you must delegate to someone who truly cares about you, like your best friend or sibling, and take their word for it when they say that person is no good for you. It is best if you can see it yourself. Tell that person you're no longer interested and don't answer their phone calls.

Awesome Tip of the Day. A user hates being left. Expect to see a lot of emotion when you break up with them because they are genuinely upset about losing what they get out of you. Don't fall for it. They will soon find someone to replace you if they don't already have someone in mind.

6. Do not rebound. You need a break after going through it with someone. Furthermore, you need to get the user scent off you before another predator comes along and smells it. Many users make a career off broken hearts. Do not hire them.

7. Do not have "make up" sex. You can't lower yourself much more than pleasing someone who is mistreating you. It's a reward for bad behavior and a way to cloud your mind to keep you from the real issue, which is why you're arguing in the first place. Furthermore, it's habit forming. Soon, they will be stirring up conflict just to get make up sex from you. Make up sex is a drama addiction.

8. Stand up straight. This is the one "do" to this list. Practice it. Being comfortable in your own skin helps weed out some of the users, since they are usually looking for someone insecure with low self-esteem who is lonely and desperate to please. Practice speaking while you're at it. If you sound like you're unsure of yourself, use a lot of words like, "umm, I don't know, I guess so" you might sound insecure. Meanwhile, the predator is thinking, "Insecure? Check."

Observation

This is the red flag section. If the person you are dating shows one or two of these, you should be highly suspicious. Three strikes and they're out. Ask yourself, "Do I need this?" Go back and read Attitude #3 if you're unsure of the answer. This is not an exhaustive list. These are just ideas of the kinds of things you should be looking out for.

1. They make you feel like they're smarter, more capable or better than you are.

2. They ask favors and they just met you, or ask for things too frequently. As a general rule, you're allowed to do one favor before they start doing things for you in return.

3. They just need a little help getting back on their feet.

4. They "lose" their temper. (Hmm, lost? I can see it from here.)

5. They're interested in how much money you make.

6. They talk about how all their exes were crazy.

7. They want commitment from you too quickly.

8. They don't like any of your friends or family and try to keep you away from them.

9. They're jealous/possessive because they really care about you.

10. They try to tell you what or what not to wear.

11. They don't want to introduce you to their friends.

12. Their friends are shady.

13. They put you on a pedestal.

14. They hold things over your head.

15. They're moody. Riding their roller coaster is a test to see what you'll put up with.

16. They try to make you responsible for things that go wrong.

17. Tries to cover up conflict or bad behavior with sex.

Awesome Tip of the Day #2: There is a pattern among all user/used relationships that I've seen. The user starts off mostly "nice", and then becomes more and more abusive, manipulative, or controlling. They don't do it overnight. They start by inconveniencing you or being rude or showing some other red flag and seeing how you react. If you show that you don't notice little red flags, they will wave bigger ones. This is a way for a user to gain confidence that they can mistreat you without losing your services. When you get upset, they back off a little. They're constantly flirting with that boundary, pushing it just a little further each time. Before long, they're doing things you would have run away from in the beginning and getting you to apologize for them.

Final thought. I think it's important to know what a predator looks for. People like to do what requires the least effort and gives the most benefit, period. Predatory people are no different. This article was put together from the idea that all predators have a list of desired traits. To avoid predators, the best thing to do is to not possess those traits. Here's a story to help illustrate my point:

Two guys are hiking in the forest until they come across a ferocious bear. One guy starts running. The other guy follows, yelling, "What are your doing? You'll never outrun the bear!" The second guy yells over his shoulder, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you..."

So true. Although nothing will guarantee your safety, it's best to make sure that you are not the prime target in a roomful of people. Predators are not typically looking for a challenge. They usually are looking for the zebra with the broken leg, if you know what I mean. That said, if you show some assertiveness, show that you know what you want and deserve to get it, and show that have your eyes open for red flags, most predators will simply move on to the next target. If they see that you fit the profile of what they're looking for, they will start to focus their resources on luring you in and trapping you. Don't be that person. If you do get singled out, your fail safe is that you can walk away and not look back as soon as you feel you're in hot water. If you're already in hot water, here's how you fix that problem fast.

Here's an example of a "User Friendly" Checklist:

1. First impression. Seems nice/passive/insecure?
2. Low self-esteem?
3. Seems broken-hearted or lonely?
4. History of being used?
5. History of abuse?
6. Seems needy or desperate?
7. Willing to help out or do favors?
8. Sympathetic/sensitive?
9. Seems to feel unattractive or not good enough?
10. Is generous with money (bonus)?
11. Seems to like me a lot/want to please or impress me?
12. Agrees with me or can be pushed/bullied into agreeing with me?
13. Apologizes a lot?
14. Seems easily scared?
15. Likes to help people?
16. Responds to compliments/sweet talk?
17. Believes what I say/seems innocent/naive/trusting?
18. Has someone in their life they bend over backward to take care of?
19. Has someone in their life they bend over backward to take care of who doesn't deserve it?
20. Avoids confrontation?
21. Put up with my attitude?
22. Called me when I didn't call?
23. Forgives quickly after an apology or a few kind words?
24. Easy to turn an argument around on him/her?
25. Will have sex with me when they're mad at me?
26. Tries to save face in public or around family/friends?
27. Gives up personal time to accommodate my schedule?
28. Lacks supportive, assertive friends?

Number 24 is a special one and I've seen it a thousand times. I've been on the wrong side of it myself more than once, but I've gotten smarter. I had a friend who was most of this list, and that person would always be telling me about some conflict or episode of something their partner was doing that was clearly unacceptable. No two ways about it. The next day or week, we would be talking and I would here all these "I statements" like, "Well, I'm not perfect either," or "I found out I've been doing it, too," (yeah, right) "I did ___ the other day so I guess they were mad about it." If this sounds like you, you're in danger. Repeat after me, "We're not talking about me, we're talking about you." "We're not talking about that, we're talking about this." It's good to remember that your faults/mistakes don't cancel out anyone else's, assuming that those faults/mistakes were not conveniently invented just for that purpose.

I truly wish you the best of luck taking charge of your dating experiences and finding greater happiness. While on your journey, you may find that there are other people in your life that are using you as well. Get rid of them, too. I delete phone numbers at least once a year to keep my social life clean. It's a liberating habit.

Please pass on this article to anyone you think it might help.

Reduction Fruit Paste | Recipe

2010-09-08T12:41:00.000-07:00

(Click here for more cooking ideas.)

Today's post is a wonderfully delicious and healthy fruit paste that adds that special something to crepes, pancakes, waffles, toast, ice cream, or whatever you would like to eat it with. You can store it in the fridge for up to a week and eat it like apple sauce, hot or cold. The one I made today had guavas from our tree, strawberries, banana and apple juice. That's just what we had in the house. You can use pretty much any fruit, berry, or juice combination.

Reduction Fruit Paste

25 minutes, serves 2.

About 8 large strawberries, fresh or frozen
2 medium bananas
5 medium pineapple guavas, halved and scooped
3/4 cup of apple juice, preferably unsweetened

In a medium saucepan, add all the ingredients and let sit covered over medium to low heat until the fruit starts to soften. If you are using frozen fruit or berries, this may take a little longer. The reason for the juice is that it keeps the fruit from burning and drying out before it's soft enough to become a paste. It also adds a little flavor variety. Fruits that come apart completely, like bananas, guavas, and raspberries, help thicken up the mix. Once the fruit is soft, uncover the saucepan and reduce the heat to low. You should see a low boil, but not enough to splash or make a mess.

Use a wooden spatula to start breaking up your fruits and stirring the mix. As the fruits become softer, the more easily they will break up and it will start to look like lumpy fruit soup. This is perfect. You are now beginning the reduction process. You will now be essentially evaporating the liquid until it the fruity soup condenses into a paste. Make sure the heat is adjusted so that you are still getting a low boil. Be sure to occasionally stir the mix so that it cooks evenly. When you have reached your desired texture (slightly lumpy paste), remove the saucepan from the heat and let it cool.

Fruit paste stores well in the freezer if you wish to double the recipe and keep half for another day. If you wish to keep some in the fridge for later, a little lemon juice will help it keep.

Awesome Tip of the Day: Cooking some Happy Pancakes or crepes? Start the fruit paste while you're making the pancake batter. It will essentially cook itself as long as you stir it occasionally between pancake flipping. By the time the pancakes are finished, the paste should be finished and ready to eat.

If you're in a big hurry, you can just nuke some fruit in the microwave and stir. I prefer the reduction paste because it doesn't make your pancakes soggy or run all over your plate.

Here are some other fruit combinations to try:

Two apples, one shredded, one cubed (for texture). About 1/2 cup of blueberries. 3/4 cup of orange juice. Optional, cinnamon and vanilla. Optional, chopped walnuts.

About 5 large strawberries. About 3/4 cup of diced pineapples. One banana. 3/4 cup of coconut water or coconut milk. Optional, a few slices of mango.

Try peach, pineapple and banana. Try berries, berries, berries. Try strawberry guavas (my favorite), pineapple and orange juice. Get creative, it's hard to mess this one up.

Incurable Cystic Acne? Maybe Not

2010-09-07T22:50:00.000-07:00

I wanted to address this topic because I see so many beautiful people walking around with a face full of obviously painful, scarring cystic acne. It makes me feel bad and I would like to shed some light on the subject for those of you have given your fair share of time and money to a dermatologist who is treating the symptoms and getting little results. I'm assuming that considering your acne incurable means that you have already tried a good diet and exercise, increased water intake, special cleaning products, antibiotics and other medications to no avail. If this is you, do not give up hope. You may be able to clear up your face for free, which is inherently awesome. Read on.

Although acne in general is often related to hormone changes, and can be treated with things like birth control pills, long term cystic acne may be caused by a reaction to certain ingredients in foods. I can tell you this because I've seen it in some of the people in my personal life and I've read many a testimonial from people I know indirectly. The more I read about it, the more I see patterns of information. If you have already tried everything else, it is time to start experimenting with your diet.

The two most common ingredients people claim to cause their cystic acne are casein (a protein found in milk) and gluten (found in grains like wheat and barley). This may account for the common belief that junk foods cause acne, since they are typically high in wheat and possibly dairy. It is not a typical food allergy. Quite likely, the only notable symptom will be the cystic acne. There is no guarantee that this is the cause of your acne specifically, but finding out is easy and only requires a little discipline to read food labels and faithfully avoid some thing for a little while.

If you would like to find out if one or both of these ingredients is the cause of your acne, try cutting one or both from your diet for two to three weeks. You should experience a significant difference within that time frame if it's going to work for you. For example, try avoiding casein first. If it works, great. If it doesn't work, try avoiding gluten next. If that doesn't work, try removing both casein and gluten from your diet for a couple of weeks and see how that works. If neither one worked for you, it was worth a try and didn't cost you anything. Hopefully, it did work and your precious face is on the road to recovery.

Awesome Tip of the Day: Many people have gluten allergies these days, so it's not difficult to find gluten free foods on the market. Also, a casein/gluten free diet is a relatively new idea for the treatment of autism, so there is a lot of information on buying and cooking gluten and casein free available online. You can Google it if you need ideas.

Success! Now what? First of all, congratulations. Now, you may want to find out exactly how sensitive you are. If you're only mild to moderately sensitive, you may be able to get away with still eating certain foods. Let's say, for example, casein is the culprit. Some people report that any casein in their diet at all has their face exploding with painful pustules. Other people say that certain foods are okay, but that others with a higher concentration of casein will cause a flare up. Maybe drinking milk isn't enough to have an effect, but protein powders or energy bars can be a cause for panic. Find out exactly what your body can and can't handle and feed yourself accordingly.

My hope is that the information above will help people all over the world get their faces back. I know chronic cystic acne can create both physical and social discomfort. If you know someone who suffers from cystic acne, help them potentially avoid years of facial scarring that, over time, will become permanent. Please, feel free to share this article.

What Not to do When Feeding a Snake

2010-09-07T12:12:00.000-07:00

Awesome Tip of the Day: Thinking about getting a pet snake? Remember never to feed your snake inside its cage. The reason is that your snake will learn that, when it is feeding time, you open the lid and stick your hand in its cage. See where I'm going with this? Your snake will learn to bite your hand every time you reach inside its cage. Not good. Get a separate feeding box for feeding your snake to avoid this situation altogether.

Handling "Friends with Benefits" Responsibly

2010-09-06T17:00:00.000-07:00

I received a request on this topic some a couple of weeks ago, but I had to really think about this one before posting. I'm presenting here the most general, responsible, safe, and considerate way of handling this situation that I can think of.

The first thing I would like to bring up is the word "friends". Sure, everyone likes benefits, but friends with benefits are still friends. You like your friends. You care about what happens to your friends. You treat your friends with respect. I'm purposefully driving distinction between "friends with benefits" and "hookups/booty calls". If you do not intend to care about how the other person feels or what you do to them, please stay in the realm of casual hookups with other people who are looking for the same thing. That said, there is no such thing as a "no strings attached" friend with benefits (so get that out of your head) because you both must agree on (and stick to) what kind of friendship and what kinds of benefits are to be exchanged. You're only in it as long as both people are happy.

I suggest that before you decide to get into any such situation, you really think about what you do and don't want, what you are and are not okay with, what would really upset you, and what would really scare you. That should leave you little surprise when you do find a friend with benefits and will also help you be more considerate of the other person. Once you know what these things are, you should remember them and talk about them with your potential new friend. I know most people would prefer to sweep all of this under the rug, but in effort to be responsible, safe, and considerate, it is better to make sure you are both on the same page. For example, it is not good to find out down the road that one person thought it was monogamous and the other person is seeing other people. It's not good if one person thought it was discreet and the other person is talking about it. You wouldn't want to find out your friend is having unprotected sex with other people the hard way, if you know what I mean. Be sure to discuss such things early on so that there are no surprises.

So what should you be thinking about?

Emotions. These are likely to eventually come up on one side or both. If both people are open to the idea of becoming a more serious relationship in the future (not likely) there is no problem. However, feelings may eventually arise, most likely only on one side, and the situation is best off terminated before it goes any further. That should be a pretty solid understanding so as not to drag anyone through anything they don't need. One good way to keep yourself in check in this area is to keep your eyes open about other people you find attractive. Flirt with other people. Keep your options open, even if the rules of your friendship include immediate termination of your current situation if one of you finds another friend. Being flirtatious with other people can help keep you from getting too attached to any one person. That said, there is no room for jealousy in a friends with benefits situation. It is important that you keep in mind that it is not a relationship and you have no hold over the other person. If they do not agree with the terms you consider important, the benefits should not commence. If they have already, they should not continue.

Monogamy and Physical Safety. This is a personal choice that needs to be agreed upon. For the sake of health, it's a good idea to be clear on rules such as whether the situation is open (it's okay to find other benefits elsewhere) or not. You should also both really think about what that means and whether one should be using condoms. I vote yes on that one. The absolute physically safest way to conduct this business is to have a monogamous friend with benefits, with the explicit understanding that one is to inform the other if they have found other prospects before returning to collect more benefits. It is important that you trust your friend. If that's not how you want to do it, just make sure both parties agree.

Time. It may be good think about how long you would like the situation to go. If you are moving soon, you might want to mention that. If you know you can only have such a friend for about three months before you start to get attached, it's a good thing to consider. If you would like a trial period, that's not a bad idea. It isn't particularly romantic, but none of it should be or you're really confused.

Level of Involvement. So how close are you? Are you just good friends or exes who like to sleep together and know you would be horrible in a relationship? Do you like eachother but don't have the time or energy for a real relationship? Are you two people who had a hookup, found out you were good together and would like a regular appointment? Do you want to do regular friend things together or would you like to just stick to the benefits? It is really important that both people agree on that last one. If one person wants a friendship, too, and the other person just wants the benefits, there will be a lot of misread messages.

Accidents. It's not unheard of for people to become pregnant when they have sex. What are you going to do? It takes two to tango, so to speak. Do you really want to have that disagreement on what the contingency plan is after the fact? No. Make sure you're with a like-minded person in that respect.

Termination. So, how is this going to end? It is best to make sure that there will be no issues when one person wants to end the situation. Make sure everyone involved can exit the situation for any reason cleanly, be it because they met someone else, don't feel like doing it anymore, or otherwise.

Why care about all this stuff? One, the other person is your friend, and a person just like you. They deserve to be treated with respect. Two, if you mess it up with one person, chances are other people will hear about it. A crappy reputation can make it very difficult for you to find more friends with benefits, or friends at all. Three, you can actually have that person as a regular friend even if it doesn't work out or if one of you meets someone else they'd rather be with.

What do I do if I'm already I'm in a bad situation because I didn't think about all this stuff ahead of time? Honestly, the best thing to do is just end it before it gets worse. I'm assuming you already went through and tried to figure out what the problem is. If it's simple incompatibility of friends with benefits style, end it. There is no room for desperation here. You must be more willing to get nothing than to get hurt over it or get it from someone you're hurting. It's best to approach that person in a nice way, in private (but not at your place) and just tell them that you would like to not continue the situation. When they ask why, just pick the main reason and avoid making it a big drawn out, dramatic ending. Keep it nice and civil. If you're ending it because you found out the other person thinks you're closer than you are, you're best off apologizing for not having discussed it properly early on. It doesn't matter if you don't think it's your fault. If it was never discussed and the other person has that impression, it is at least partially your fault. Take ownership of that, apologize, and end it before it gets worse.

*I had to add this because I was asked. The answer is no, you should not sleep with that person one last time before you tell them you're ending it. That applies to regular, romantic relationships as well. That should be a choice left up to the other person after they already know what's going on. Try witholding information from your insurance company so as not to discontinue benefits and see what they say when they find out. I wouldn't suggest suggesting it either.*

If you did your honest best to make it clear to someone that it is over and they for some reason do not believe you, then you have reason to be much more firm and much less personal. Give that person a week to let it really sink in (in case they're just really hurt) and then read this for inspiration.

I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors. A good, compatible friend with benefits can be very difficult to find. If one happens to fall in your lap... just treat that person with respect, whatever you (plural) decide.

Got Blood on Your Favorite Shirt?

2010-09-06T13:49:00.000-07:00

It doesn't matter why there's blood on your clothes, you just want it off, right? If you put your clothes through the wash, assuming the water and detergent will get it out, think again. The heat from the water and dryer will actually set the stain, leaving you with the eternal brown spot on your favorite shirt. Bleach damages your clothes. Expensive stain removers may or may not work. It's over, right? Wrong.

Go to any drug, grocery, or ___mart store and buy a bottle of hydrogen peroxide for a buck or two. Hold the stained spot on your shirt over the sink. Pour hydrogen peroxide directly over the spot. Let it foam. Rub it. Rinse it out with cold water. Pour a little more on. Repeat. If there is a tiny bit of blood left, chances are the washer will get it out (use cold water). Check it before you put it in the dryer. You may want to use gloves if it's not your blood. Also, the hydrogen peroxide may leave your calluses or skin on your fingertips white. This is not harmful but it looks weird. Wash your hands afterward.

Awesome Tip of the Day: Try to keep the stained area separate from the rest of the shirt while you are trying to wash it out, or it will literally bleed onto other places, leaving you with multiple spots. No good.

What if I already washed it? You know, try it. Sometimes you get lucky with a stain that has already been washed. If hydrogen peroxide doesn't work, the next thing is Folex. It's a carpet cleaner that seems to work on all kinds of things and has saved many a favorite shirt. It is reasonably priced for how great it works on clothing, carpets, and upholstery, but I prefer to use the cheapest stuff that will work.

Yogurt or Banana Happy Pancakes | Recipe

2010-09-06T13:04:00.000-07:00

(Click here for more cooking ideas.)

Today's post is a great little recipe for pancakes that are easy to make and delicious. I hate restaurant pancakes because they are always dry and make me thirsty. A little yogurt or banana will fix that right up. See the bottom of the post for tips for those with dietary restrictions. This recipe may be easily doubled or tripled depending on family size.

Yogurt or Banana Happy Pancakes

20 minutes, serves 2.

1 egg
1 cup of pancake mix
1/2 cup of yogurt, any flavor
1 teaspoon of vanilla (optional)
1/4 cup of milk, coconut milk, rice milk, or soy (juice works in a pinch)
Coconut oil (optional)

Start heating up the pan now over a medium heat. If the pan is not hot enough, the pancakes won't cook right. I suggest a non-stick pan to avoid the need for oil. If you have a pan big enough to cook two pancakes at a time, you will appreciate it.

Beat the egg in with the yogurt, vanilla, and milk with a whisk. Add the pancake mix. The mix should be thicker than a very heavy cream, but no so thick that it's lumpy. It should pour like a slightly runny cake batter. If the mix is too runny, add a tablespoon more of pancake mix. If it's too thick, add a splash of milk. If you do not eat or do not have yogurt, one banana well mashed with a fork will substitute.

If you are using juice, banana, or a fruity yogurt, your pancake mix will be a little stickier and may require that the pan be slightly oiled. No not drown or fry your pancakes.

Ladle one pancake at a time onto the hot frying pan. You can roll the pan a little to help spread the batter if you like thinner pancakes. The pancake is ready to be flipped when the edges look solid and the top has been bubbling and is starting to solidify. Use a plastic or silicone spatula to gently lift one edge, slip underneath, and flip the pancake over in one motion. The edge now facing up should be a nice golden brown color. Let it sit for a minute or so and flip the pancake again to check the other side. If it is still pale, return it to the fire for another minute or so.

Awesome Tip of the Day: If you have kids (or if you want to impress your girlfriend or wife) you can make "happy pancakes". Drip a little pancake batter onto the pan in the shape of a small happy face, two eyes and a mouth. Let is sit for a couple of seconds and then pour the rest of the ladle over the whole thing. When you flip this pancake over, it will be one happy pancake. If you want to get more creative and have time to play, use an old honey bottle to squirt the pancake mix into different shapes or words ("eat me"). Breakfast always makes you smile when it smiles back.

Sometimes the first pancake comes out wrong because the pan is not yet hot enough or because the heat or mixture needs adjustment. If the pancakes are burning to fast while the inside remains too squishy, turn down the fire and cook them a little longer. If they are drying out before browning, turn up the fire and cook them a little less. If the pancakes are too thick or thin, you can adjust them accordingly by adding a tablespoon of either milk or pancake mix.

These pancakes can be a little sweeter than others, requiring less syrup or honey. You may also want to try a little mashed and possibly heated berries, apples, or bananas on top. Diced or shredded apples are also great inside the pancakes.

If you have dietary restrictions, there are a number of substitutes that can be made. If you do not eat dairy, you can trade out the milk and yogurt for any rice, soy, almond or coconut products. The mashed banana method is a nice option if you don't want to use soy yogurt. Please keep in mind that substitutions may cause the mix to be thicker or runnier, so adjust accordingly. If you eat a gluten free diet, Trader Joe's sells a great gluten free pancake mix that tastes wonderful and can take the place of any other pancake mix.

How to Shampoo Just the Roots and Scalp (Scalp Wash)

2010-09-06T12:08:00.000-07:00

Many people refer to this as a "scalp wash" or "scalp only wash". Scalp washing is a great way to get the oily/dirty part of your hair clean without unnecessarily drying out the rest of your hair with shampoo. There is more than one way to do it, depending on hair length and whether you want the rest of your hair to get wet or not.

Dry Hair Method

This method starts with dry hair. It is my favorite method because I find it easiest to control shampoo when it goes on dry hair. Squirt a little shampoo into the palm of your hand. Rub it evenly between both hands. Place your fingertips at your hairline and gentle run your fingers along your scalp toward the back of your head, leaving a little shampoo behind along the way. Repeat this just above your ears and then again at the nape. Lift the top section of your hair and run one shampooed hand down your hair along the back, trying to squeegee it through. If your hair is very thick, you may have to make one more part.

Rub your hands together and then start massaging your scalp. This will get your scalp nice and scrubbed while keeping massaging the shampoo through your roots. It will actually come to a slight foamy lather without water, especially if your hair is very oily. Now, if your hair is very long and you don't want to get the rest of it wet. Rinse your hands and dry them off. Gather the ends of your hair and lift them up so the shampoo and water will not run down your length when you rinse it out. I would suggest the dish rinser in the sink or your shower head if it is the detachable kind. If you are not worried about your hair getting wet and not worried about a little shampoo running down your length (or if your hair is short) just get in the shower and try to rinse it all out as quickly as possible. I suggest following any shampooing with conditioner, oil, or some type of leave in.

Awesome Tip of the Day: The Dry Hair Method also helps save water in the shower because you are not wasting time applying shampoo and lathering while the water is needlessly running down the drain.

Wet Hair Method

Many people find that putting shampoo and a little water inside a squirt bottle is a good way to get the shampoo only where you want it while in the shower. This is also a good way to dilute any cheap shampoo so that it is less harsh on your hair.

Gently squirt the shampoo solution onto the roots and scalp, lather, and rinse. As above, I suggest some kind of moisturizing conditioner or oil after any shampooing.

For more information on hair care and hair cutting, please see the Hair section of the Table of Contents page. While you're there, check out the variety of other topics addressed on this blog.

How to Cut Your Own Bangs

2010-09-06T11:36:00.000-07:00

There are two basic styles that people typically wear. The first one is the classic cut that forms an inverted U shape across the forehead. The second is the side-swept. There are two ways to do the side-swept.

Section Off Your Bangs

First, you will need to section off the hair you want to cut. Level your head (look neither up nor down, do not tilt your head). Grab a comb, pick or use your fingers to section off the front of your hair. Start at the top, above your forehead, and draw a straight line down to your ear or just in front of your ear. Repeat on the other side. This will give you a U or V line part. Pull all of this hair forward and check the part to make sure it's even. Gather the rest of your hair in a ponytail, braid, or bun to keep it out of the way.

Classic Bangs

Of the hair you pulled forward for bangs, section off everything that falls between the edges of your eyebrows and leave the sides out of the way. Comb this section downward and forward with a little water and gather it into a well-combed V in between two fingers at the bridge of your nose. For a blunt look, snip it off in a straight line here. Check the length. You can always cut it a little shorter. If you want a more uneven/feathered look, point your scissors upward at an angle and snip out bits all along your blunt hem. This will give you a softer look with a more natural hemline.

Next, trim the sides. The goal is to create a curved line that helps blend your bangs into the length of your hair. For blunt bangs, hold your scissor at a downward 45 degree angle and run your scissors down this strip of hair while holding it taught with the other hand. Repeat on the other side and make sure it's even. For a more feathered look, use the same snipping technique as above, holding your hair at a 45 degree angle facing upward.

Side-Swept Bangs

You can make this style by simply cutting longer classic bangs. Instead of cutting them at the bridge of the nose, cut them somewhere between the tip of your nose and your upper lip. You can also give them a slightly layered look by pulling your hair straight out from your forehead when you cut (measure first). For more dramatic layering, section off the top half of your bangs and make a second cut that is just a quarter inch or so shorter. Use the feathering snip technique as before and cut the side pieces the same way as above. When you part your bangs on the side, they will look like side-swept bangs.

For true side-swept bangs that are actually cut to the side, you may chose to section your hair in a way that includes less of the side to which your bangs will not be swept. You may then cut at a downward angle or in a slight curve, finishing with a feathering technique if you desire, or not. This guy has an interesting way of doing it. Usually, I find expert village videos to be completely useless, but that one was useful.

Shop around YouTube for some visuals. Stay away from any tutorial that uses a razor comb. Razor cuts are terrible for your hair.

Awesome Tip of the Day: When cutting your bangs or hair in general, it is good to remember that wet hair or pulled hair will be shorter once your hair is dry and not pulled. Estimate your goal length and then add a half inch just in case. You can always cut more but not less. If you do mess it up, it will grow back very quickly and you can try it again.

Want to have naturally beautiful, healthy hair on a budget? Click here.
For detailed instructions on cutting your own layers, click here.
For detailed instructions on how to trim your own hair, click here.

Emotional/Sensitive vs Insensitive People

2010-09-02T19:46:00.000-07:00

I was reading a thread yesterday about "prejudice against emotional/sensitive people". Of course, both sensitive and insensitive people came flooding to this thread and immediately started arguing about absolutely everything. I read the whole thing after about a week and this was my post:

"I think sensitive and insensitive people have a hard time communicating because they don't see eye to eye. If you go back and read this thread, you can pick out all the sensitive people because they spend a little time in each post empathizing with eachother and making eachother understand that they feel sorry for them and now how they feel. On the other hand, insensitive people are really only reading what people are saying and trying to dismantle any opinions or arguments that seem illogical to them. If you do that to an insensitive person, they respond by arguing. If you do that to a sensitive person, they tend to take it personally or get defensive in an unproductive way. If you want to disagree with a sensitive person, you have to be a lot more gentle and considerate way. That's just they way I see it. I've been reading though this and those are the patterns I'm seeing. It seems like insensitive people are trying to get a handle on the words that are written because they are more likely to mean what they say the way they say it. Sensitive people are trying to read the emotions/intentions behind the words because they are more likely to use their words to display an emotion.

For example, a few pages ago there was an exchange in which an insensitive person stated that they've come across people who cry a lot and use it to manipulate others. A sensitive person was offended because they read into it that all sensitive people were being put into the same category as only doing it to manipulate people. This was ridiculous to me because I am insensitive. I read only what was written and it was written nowhere that all sensitive people were like that. If that insensitive person tries to argue with the sensitive person about the subject, the sensitive person will feel personally attacked (again?) because they are reading a perceived emotion. They probably feel the other person is angry because they're arguing. Sensitive people are more likely to get angry when they argue or argue because they're angry, so they assume the insensitive person is doing the same thing. Meanwhile, the insensitive person is really only making the situation worse by trying to deal with the sensitive person as if they were insensitive. This is all a bit funny to me (albeit frustrating) because sometimes I'm an insensitive jerk. An insensitive person will understand what I mean by that, while a sensitive person would say, "No, you're not a jerk. Why would you say something mean like that about yourself?" as if it were a bad thing and I have low self-esteem.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

The prejudice, like usual, really only has to do with majority and minority. If I'm in a room full of sensitive people, the prejudice is against me, for being rude or mean, whether or not I actually mean any of what I say or do in that manner. I'm too confrontational and argumentative. If a sensitive person is in a room full of people like me, they are unable to listen to what other people say because they read emotions into it and get upset to quickly."

People seemed to think it was a good explanation of what was going on, so I thought I would post it here for general insight on conflicts in communication between sensitive and insensitive people.

...(Edited to add) After a conversation with my mom (very sensitive) about this situation, I realized that there is one thing I failed to address. I realized about half way through our conversation of her getting upset with me and hating everything I said, that she equates being insensitive to being an a**hole. I would like to submit that these are not the same (although the result may be similar). After a few remarks that I don't care to repeat, it suddenly dawned on me that, despite my explanation, she was still operating under the assumption that one who is insensitive does not care about other people's feelings. In other words, insensitive = mean. This is far from the truth. As mentioned before, a person who is insensitive simply doesn't read all of the emotions that one who is sensitive reads. It would be like saying someone who is color blind just has poor taste. Not necessarily true. One who is color blind just does not perceive things visually the same way. Those of us who are insensitive simply do not perceive all of the emotional meanings in the same way that a sensitive person would. There is no mal intent. An insensitive person will certainly care if they realize they are upsetting someone. It's just less likely that they will notice and they are much harder to convince. They have to be convinced usually with reason and evidence. Statements like, "Come on, you know what you did/said," or "You know how it feels when someones says/does..." will not get the point across.

Dealing with Jealousy and Possessiveness and Insecurity in Relationships

2010-09-01T13:20:00.000-07:00

Jealousy is a very complicated emotion. Sometimes it is a direct result of a legitimate perception of things that are happening. For example, I have felt true jealousy a very few times in my life. Each time, it turned out that I really was being cheated on. The rest of the time, the perception is likely not real or doesn't have to be.

I understand that the acceptance of jealousy and degrees of jealousy can be culture specific, but I do feel that being jealous is unnecessarily stressful. As mentioned above, I believe that jealousy can be used as an instinct to tell you when something is being taken away from you. However, if you're jealous all the time, you will be able to get no clear readings from your own emotions. If you are habitually jealous with your boyfriend or girlfriend, and you would like to stop being jealous, today is the day.

Jealousy in a relationship usually stems from two basic ideas. The first is that you think other people will be attracted to your partner. The second is that you think your partner might go for someone else. Then you worry about it. You get yourself upset about it. You start treating your partner as if they're already cheating on you. The whole thing is a big mess. So to start with, you need to accept two important facts.

1. Your partner is attractive. If you find your partner attractive, chances are other people will, too. That means that if your partner is walking around in public, with or without you, other people will look at them and be attracted to them. Accept it. Live with it.

2. You are not the most attractive person in the world. Even if you're really attractive, someone else will always come along that is more attractive. There will always be someone who is smarter, funnier, richer, more romantic, more athletic, better dressed, has a cuter smile, is more charming, and yes, better in the bedroom. Accept it. Live with it.

This is difficult for some people to deal with, because they are insecure about not being perfect enough to keep their boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife while that person is walking around looking good and attracting other people. They become possessive with their partner because they don't want there to be any opportunities for someone to come along and take that person away. The reality is that those opportunities always exist. If your partner is unfaithful, the only thing you can do about it is break up and accept that that person was not faithful. Better luck next time.

Awesome Tip of the Day: Having been cheated on does not justify treating the next person as if they are a cheater, nor will it stop them from cheating if that's what they want to do. You cannot be around someone all day, every day so that there will be no opportunities for them to misbehave. Who would want to have to babysit their partner anyway?  But showing up at their job, calling all the time, interrogating them after a few hours out with their friends, trying to cut them off from friends and family, listening to their phone calls, and other behavior that indicates suspicion is likely to backfire. That person is likely to leave you for someone who does not treat them like a bad person.

So then how do you keep someone? You keep someone by treating them the way they like to be treated, which will vary from person to person. If they're happy, they'll stay with you. Sometimes the relationship will work out and sometimes it won't. If it doesn't, you find someone else. Most people realize, after a little dating experience and maturity, that they don't have to be with the perfect person. Happy is happy. If you can make someone happy, they are likely to forego other opportunities of potential happiness for the happiness they already trust in you. Think of it this way, if you have an appliance that gets the job done, and you walk by the store and see another one that may be better or may not work for poop, why throw away the one you have on a gamble? You're happy with what you have, right? If you lose that one somehow, then you can shop for another one. When you think of it this way, most likely your partner will not trade you in for someone else because they already know you and they're already happy with you. It is a gamble for them to wager you for someone else that might be better because they have no experience with that person. Some people are great until you get to know them better. Some people are great as friends but definitely not in a relationship. Your partner knows this. They're with you because they want to be. If they really want to leave, they will. You can't stop them anyway so you might as well not worry about it and focus on both of your happiness.

All that said, jealous behavior patterns can be hard to break. The important thing to remember that jealousy is all about you, so you are in control. Your partner doesn't make you jealous. Other people don't make you jealous. You do. Once you start letting things go, you come to realize that everything is still fine, even if you're not constantly controlling everything to make sure that it's fine. Each success helps reinforce that all the worry is unnecessary and you will come to worry less and less.

Does your partner have a friend that ruffles your feathers?  Let it go. There is a reason why your partner is not with that person, which may or may not be any of your business. And who's to say that person is better than you? There is a reason why your partner is with you. What if your partner loves you? Just think, in a sea of people, many of whom wanted to be with your partner, they chose you.  They see beautiful people on the street ever day and don't pursue them.  They don't love them.  They wouldn't trade what they have for them.  They love and trust you.  They know that if someone shows interest in you, you will turn that person down.  They do the same.   I'm sure they've said, "Sorry, I'm taken," to more than one person without ever bothering to tell you about it.

Awesome Tip Number Two: Don't torture yourself by comparing yourself to other people. Jealous and insecure people tend to both dread being compared and constantly compare themselves to other people, fearing that everyone else is doing the same. Also, differences tend to be given a value of "better" or "worse" when it doesn't apply or doesn't matter. "What does that guy have that I don't have?" is a dangerous question. That other guy inevitably has something that you don't have or that he has more of.  Don't waste your time getting upset about it when it doesn't really matter. You know what you have that he doesn't? Your girlfriend.

Your partner's phone just rang. Don't answer it. Don't look at the caller ID. Leave the room if you have to. If the call is particularly interesting or important, they will probably tell you about it later. Later could mean now or next week. If it's not a notable conversation, they won't bother you with it. Don't ask. Just let it go.

Does your partner look hot when he or she goes out with friends? Guess what? They're supposed to dress up. That's part of the fun of going out. People like to look good whether they're single or taken, young or old. There is no reason to try to deny them that pleasure. It has nothing to do with trying to attract other people. You feel good when you look good. They feel good when they look good. On top of that, other people probably find them attractive when they don't dress up. You do. Tell them how good they look. Feel good that that sexy person is yours! They'll be home before long. Go do your own thing until then. Let everything else go.

These are just a few examples of healthy ways to look at certain situations. Every time you start to feel upset, worried, or angry because you're jealous, try and put yourself in your partner's shoes. Would you want someone to treat you like they don't trust you? Before you tell yourself that you really do trust them, just not everyone else in the world, stop. Your partner is smart enough to look after themselves. If they're not, you need to find someone else who is. Treating your partner as if they are too stupid to make good decisions without you will likely drive them away from you.

On that note, nobody likes a ball and chain. Making your partner feel limited is a good way to lose them. Making them feel free and happy is a good way to make them want to come home to you every time. You may find that by being less jealous, controlling, and possessive, your partner feels less and less like they want to get away from you, which will make your relationship more secure. If you do decide to take control of your jealousy, it is a good idea to get support from your partner and your friends. Tell your partner to be patient with your during this time, and maybe to be considerate about things that might make you jealous. For example, "I'm trying to stop worrying about when you go out with your friends. It would really help me if you could call me when you get there and tell me more or less when you're coming home so that I don't sit here wondering and letting my mind get out of control." They will probably appreciate this. Your friends can help you by intervening when you exhibit jealous behavior or say things to suggest that your partner is doing something they should not be. For example, your partner is late and hasn't called. You start complaining about it. Your friends can stop that whole train of thought by offering reasonable explanations for why a person would forget to call, or might be having too much fun to realize what time it is, or reminding you that you didn't call last time you went out.

My final thought on the subject is that jealousy is often a learned behavior. I know that cultures that watch a lot of soap operas tend to be more jealous. Also, people who do shady things or hang out with sketchy people are often more suspicious of everyone. If you are doing things you shouldn't, now is a good time to stop. (Hint: Two of the guys that had cheated on me had been accusing me of cheating. I wasn't, but that was my first clue that they were.) If you do hang around with untrustworthy people, now is a good time to start deleting phone numbers. This may sound harsh, but there are a couple of reasons. The first is that untrustworthy means that you should not trust them. If they'll swindle someone else, they may eventually do it to you if they haven't already. The second is that you are probably not the only one who can see that they lie/cheat/steal. That is a big red flag to anyone that you're dating. It's possible that your significant other will be okay with it. The downside of that is that, most likely, if they are okay with it it's because they are either unobservant or they are more like your friends than you realize. In which case, that feeling of jealousy is not an irrational emotion, it's an observation. Get rid of all of them.

Good luck!

New Sandals Rubbing You the Wrong Way?

2010-08-31T12:28:00.000-07:00

As you know, I come from coastal Southern California. I wear sandals rain or shine (unless it's really cold) with shorts, pants and dresses. I require a decent paycheck before I'm willing to wear shoes. I go through a mediocre quality pair of sandals in about six to eight months. This time, I decided to spend a good deal more money on my yearly pair of sandals in hopes that it will at least actually last the entire year, maybe more. They are leather and beautiful. The problem with new leather sandals is that the straps will likely gnaw on your feet until they are well broken-in. Within a few miles, the tops of my feet were pretty well nibbled.

So how does one deal with this situation? There are two basic things. First, you need to break in new leather sandals as quickly as possible. Second, you need to protect your feet while doing it.

The first thing is accomplished by applying some kind of oil or butter to the leather to help it soften and then wearing them as much as possible. I applied a bit of some homemade chapstick (beeswax and coco butter) to the underside of the straps. Tip: Do no apply it directly. Use your finger unless you want to be kissing sandals from now on. Then walk, walk, walk.

During that walking period, you must put some layer of something between your feet and the straps. You can use band-aids but they are a bit pricey. Liquid bandage is nice if you are going somewhere nice and you don't want "bandage foot". It goes on clear but getting it off is a bit of a task. If you don't remove it properly, it looks like your feet are shedding their skin. My solution? Masking tape. Cheap and easy. Apply two strips of masking tape to the top of each foot where the straps rub.

So why buy expensive leather sandals if they do this to your feet? First, they last way longer. Second, they mold to your feet over time, so they start to fit like custom sandals. Third, they are more likely to be built with sturdy soles. I bought mine for this reason. The last pair of leathers I bought had the same cheap bottoms like any other sandals. You get what you pay for. They were about to wear through completely when I came across these new ones.

Awesome Tip of the Day: Wearing shoes and socks creates a sweaty environment for bacteria and fungi to grow, which makes them and your feet stink. When you wear sandals, your feet are constantly exposed to fresh air. You can wear sandals all day and never have the stinky feet problem unless you're trekking through filthy territory. Then you need to wash. Speaking of which, sandals are also good for the rain. They allow your feet to dry quickly so you don't get stuck with cold squishy shoes all day.

Two Egg Taco | Recipe

2010-08-29T13:20:00.000-07:00

(Click here for more cooking ideas.)

Today's post is a quick recipe for a very small meal for when you're on the go but need to have something healthy in a hurry.

Two Egg Taco

5-10 minutes, serves one.

2 eggs
1 corn tortilla
1 small tomato, cubed (or a few cherry tomatoes)
A few leaves of baby spinach or fresh basil

Scramble the eggs in a small frying pan with the tomato and spinach over a medium heat. If you are using a non-stick pan, you do not need any oil or butter to scramble eggs. The juice from the tomato may make the eggs slightly runnier, so feel free to cook them a little longer than usual. The spinach leaves will shrivel as they heat up. If you are worried about cholesterol, omit one or both of the egg yolks.

Awesome Tip if the Day: Some people like to beat the eggs in a separate container first. I see no need. I dump the eggs straight in to the pan and break the yolks with my spatula. I then mix the eggs during the cooking process of folding and turning. I find this gives a nice texture and flavor variant. Plus, it's less work and dirty dishes. Just make sure you get the yolks distributed evenly.

Remove the pan from the fire and turn down the heat to low. Place your corn tortilla over the fire for about 20 seconds, then flip. I do this with my hands by grabbing just the edge. If you can't do this, it's a good indication that the fire is on too high. If you're still worried about burning yourself, feel free to use tongs. The tortilla is ready when it is hot and slightly crispy but not burnt. Remove from heat. Scoop the egg mix onto the tortilla and fold it in half. Eat hot.

If you like your vegetables fresh, scramble the eggs alone and add them uncooked to the finished product.

Substitutes. Mushrooms, onions, and bell peppers are also great in this meal. Make sure you saute your onions for a minute before adding the eggs if you choose to use them.

Long Distance Relationships in a Nutshell

2010-08-29T12:26:00.000-07:00

If you are planning on having a long distance relationhship, here are some things you should think about and plan for before you start.

The main and most obvious thing is that you will be alone. Technology has changed what that means for the most part, but either way, there will be plenty of times that you will simply not be able to contact your significant other. Period. You will not be able to hold that person at all. You will not be able to do the simple things together that you would otherwise take for granted. I suspect that people struggle with that basically in one of two ways depending on personality type in regards to level of independence. Other factors are how important physical affection is to you, the length of time you will be apart, and how much and what type of contact you will have. Since all of these factors are important, I will examine them in combination.

1. Business trip. A few days to a month is what I call "business trip". Wether or not you have a lot of contact, this is not the end of the world. If you are co-dependent, this can still be very difficult because a month can feel like a long time when you're lonely. If you are used to doing everything together and being together all the time, I strongly suggest spending a lot of time with your friends and family while your significant other is away. If you are the one going away, I strongly suggest focusing on the reason you are leaving. If you have time, go see local attractions and take a lot of pictures to show to the person you left at home. This helps you deal with the inevitable thinking about your partner in a constructive way, and gives you something to share when you get home.

If you are a more independent person, you should not have all that difficult a time with this length of separation. Consider it a vacation for catching up on some "me time".

2. Short term. Up to about six months I would consider short term. This can be a trying time for co-dependent people because there is enough time to really feel lonely and continue feeling lonely. The best thing I can offer you is to come up with a project that will take the about amount of time your partner will be gone to complete. You can use that time specifically to be with that person in spirit and do something constructive or creative while they are gone. Having spent a little time "with your partner" in this way, it will be easier for you to go about your day and focus on other things. Counting down the days until they come back should be saved until you are no more than a month away or you will drive yourself crazy. Instead, think about all of the things you have to do until they return. That will help you stay busy and avoid depression. You should also use this time to watch certain movies, eat certain foods, attend certain functions or do certain hobbies by yourself or with friends that your significant other does not enjoy.

If you are independent, this can be a trying time because you probably deal with separation by moving on. It can by psychologically very difficult to get your mind around being alone but not being single. You may find it helpful to think about your next appointment with your significant other so that you have something to look forward to together. I suggest making plans for that time to keep your mind on being a couple. They will go away and come back. When they do, you can do all of those things you want to do. If you are the one going away, this is an exercise in consideration. Keep your partner on the backburner while you do your things. Pick them up a souvenir. Write a thoughtful email. Send a picture. These things keep you both in a "couple" mindset while you're apart.

3. Long term. Up to about a year to a year and a half is long term. I honestly do not recommend this length of separation, but it's doable if you're really committed. If you are co-dependent, my honest suggestion is that you become more independent if you wish for your relationship to survive the separation. If it does work out, hopefully both you and your relationship will be stronger because of it. You will have learned to be self-sufficient in the absense of your partner and that will help you in life either way.

For independent people, this can be difficult time because moving on starts to look more and more attractive. It is up to choice wether you go this route. Please remember that it will take some serious dedication on your part. If you do not plan to marry this person, I would really factor that in to my decision. If you are married, hang in there. You already made your promise. Keep them in your thoughts. When you do miss them, just do something you enjoyed doing together when you were in the same place.

4. Indefinite. After about two years, I start to call it indefinite. That's because anything can happen in those two years that turns it into to four years. If you do not plan to marry, I really suggest letting the whole thing go. It may sound unromantic of me, but you will find someone else. If you are that committed, then I suggest finding some way to either follow your partner or have them follow you within six months to a year. If not, move on. Being apart that long is just really impractical because you remain in limbo of being alone but not single for way beyond what is reasonable. It just doesn't make sense. If you choose to just be friends until you can be together again, that's up to you. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, but at least you aren't bound by commitment while you wait.

Other Factors

Faithfulness. This is actually really simple. First, accept that regardless of level of commitment in a relationship, there will always be other attractive people out there that you can be just as attracted to. Having a little crush on someone does not mean that you no longer love the person you're with. It is a common passing emotion provided you let it pass. You know pretty quickly when you have a crush on someone. The most important thing is that you do not feed it. If that means you have to stay away from that person until the emotion goes away, fine. Do not hang out with them. Do not fantasize about them. Do not flirt with them. It's a slippery slope as that is how things would naturally develop into something more if you were single. If you tend to view it as "resisting temptation", that just makes it more tempting. It's also important to remember that the other person may not be as attractive as they seem. It may be just misplaced loneliness or it may be that you're only seeing the attractive qualities. You may be missing the not attractive traits that you would surely find if you knew that person as well as you know your partner.

On the other side, do not try to get other people to be attracted to you, either. I understand that this is a difficult thing to address, because people who habitually do this are usually not that honest with themselves about it. It may backfire and I really suggest staying away from such a practice in life.

Communication. If it is available, I suggest regular visits on Skype by appointment. It's free for computer to computer video calls and easy to use. MSN Messenger also has a free videophone service. They both drop calls or freeze sometimes depending on traffic and internet service quality. Seeing and hearing your partner in real time makes separation much more bearable by providing some "couple time". It's best to have appointments so that you are neither smothering nor neglecting eachother. You also avoid trying to contact one another while you are busy. Being rushed off the phone or simply not answered can play tricks on your mind when you've been apart long enough, so a regular appointment is best. Make that phone call a priority. It's highly inconsiderate to leave the other person hanging, just wondering. At the same time, if for some reason the other person cannot make it, try to be understanding in that they also have a life to attend.

My parents have Skype dinner dates with a glass of wine when they have to be apart. I find this practice both adorable and wonderful. It helps maintain the routine of having a meal together while being somewhat romantic.

Jealousy. There is no room for jealousy in a long distance relationship. If you are a jealous person, I suggest either dealing with that issue now, or abandoning the whole thing. Jealousy is a sign of possesiveness and distrust. If it is simply possesiveness, then you will not be able to handle a relationship in which the person is not with you. I foresee a painful breakup. If it is distrust, then you need to be honest with yourself about why. If you can see that you are having an irrational emotional response to the fact that your partner is attractive and wandering around without you, there is hope for you. If you truly believe that your partner is not trustworthy, you should not be with that person at all, at home or long distance. Lack of trust is a serious thing. Wether or not that person is truly untrustworthy is irrelevant. Either way, you will not be happy. There is simply no reason to be with someone when you're not happy.

Something to Carry. For any personality type or distance apart, it is a good idea to have an object with you that belongs to or reminds you of the other person. This helps you in times of loneliness. Pictures of both of you doing a favorite activity or from right before the separation are nice. Letters are nice. A special keepsake is appropriate. A favorite something or other that you don't mind giving up for the other person to carry with them until they come back is perfect. Make sure it goes in the carry on in case the airline loses your luggage.

Light at the End of the Tunnel. Nobody likes uncertainty in a committed relationship. Try to establish a next time that you will actually be together in person. Even if it's really far away, it helps emotionally to at least know when that time will be. Wandering through life without a goal is not very motivating and wandering through a relationship in such a way can be similarly disappointing.

Arguments. It is more important than ever to play fair when you argue at a distance. If you have a problem with your temper, it will really backfire when you know that you cannot contact that person again unless they feel like answering. Choose your words carefully. Now is a good time to learn to apologize if it is difficult for you. Also, make sure you are actually getting through whatever issue it is or it's not worth arguing over. You can no longer cover up conflicts half way through with "make up sex". If you use conflict as a way to control the other person or to get make up sex, it will all backfire at a distance. Think about it thoroughly before you get mad and start saying anything that doesn't need to be said.

Physical Contact. If your relationship is largely based on physical presense and contact, you are unlikely to be successful in a long distance relationship. This sounds obvious but many people don't think about it.

Ability to Care for Oneself. This is necessary. Not only do you need to be able to care for yourself, but you need to trust your partner to care for themself as well. If you have a need to baby that person and take care of them and worry about them, etc., you are going to need to let that go. You may struggle with the idea of not being needed, but hopefully you will come to understand that your partner is with you because they love you, not because they need you. You will probably also gain a new respect for that person as you see them coping with life on their own.

It is important to mention that long distance relationships are simply not for everyone. You must be very honest with yourself and your partner about how you really feel. If you are already having problems in your relationship, being long distance is probably going to bring those things out. Aside from that, I say good luck.

My husband and I have been long distance three times now since we were engaged. The first time was really difficult because I wasn't quite sure how things would be when we saw eachother again. The first time we reunited, all of my uncertainties were calmed. What was most important to me was that he was faithful and that we still had our spark. I had been with multiple cheaters before, so I could easily feel the difference. I could feel in his presence when we met at the airport that everything had gone well and that everything would be okay. Armed with that knowledge, being apart has gotten much easier. I no longer worry like I did the first time because I know that everything will be fine when we're together again. It may not be too pleasant, but it's not too painful either. We also allow eachother to change independently and apreciate those little changes in lifestyle and maturity (within reasonable boundaries). That mutual respect and allowance for freedom helps us enjoy our time apart as well as our time together. Point being, if you are planning to be apart on a somewhat regular basis, be aware that the first time is the most difficult and that it will get easier.

Awsomesome Tip of the Day: Don't panic.

Arnica Montana for Joint Pain Relief in Dogs

2010-08-26T19:54:00.000-07:00

My dog has old joint injuries (thanks to squirrel holes) and arthritis due to age and size. A regular low dose of arnica montana in her food and regular, mild exercise has kept her walking and playing at the beach for the last three years. I originally was recommended these tiny pills to treat my mom's arthritis, but I was desperate one day to treat my dog when she had a bad sprain. She has never displayed any visible side effects and appears to be much happier and active when she is receiving her 30X treatment.

If your dog has arthritis, I suggest further researching the use of arnica in treating inflammation. A regular low dose could reduce pain and inflammation and improve the quality of your dog's life. They don't live very long, but the years they do have are best spent active and happy.

How to Get Beach Tar Off Your Feet

2010-08-26T17:49:00.000-07:00

If you are from or have visited coastal California, chances are you have experienced tar on the feet. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's a black, sticky goo that is the result of natural petroleum seepage. In fact, tar is so common here that the famous Pismo Beach is actually named after tar in the native Chumash language. Depending on the area and the tide, a walk on the beach can get you anything from a few spots of tar on your feet to essentially a new pair of sandals.

There are three things to remember when visiting a beach that is littered with tar. The first is that you should not wear shoes. This sounds counter intuitive, but it is much easier to get it off your feet than your shoes. Also, it will show that you are clearly a tourist, because no local of any beach town will every wear shoes at the beach unless they're going for a run (maybe). The second thing is that you are better off planning for getting tar on your feet before you leave the house, just in case. The third is that NO amount of soap and water will effectively remove tar.

So what does? Tar is most easily removed by scraping off the excess on a nearby rock or curb and then dissolving the rest with oil and a paper towel or cloth. Any cheap oil will do. Baby oil is great if you have it laying around. Canola oil works beautifully. I would avoid using anything else that is more expensive or actually good for cooking because you may need to use a lot of it. Simply drip a spot of oil on a paper towel (maybe a teaspoon if you only have a few spots) and polish the bottom of your feet until the tar is removed. It is best to fold up the paper towel first so you can refold it in another direction and use both sides. It will still be effective and it will reduce waste. Once the tar is removed, dry your feet off with a clean paper towel or wash your feet with soap and water so as not to slip or leave oil stains on your patio, which are difficult to remove.

There are products sold specifically for removing tar and they honestly work no better than simple cooking or baby oil. Plus, they are expensive. It is best to leave oil and paper towels or an old T-shirt in your car or outside your house so that you can remove the tar before tracking it everywhere. Oil will also work on hair and flooring. It may save clothing and carpet, but I wouldn't count on it.

Awesome Tip of the Day: So why not wear shoes? Because shoes are expensive and feet come standard. ;) The skin on your feet is constantly growing and shedding. Even if you did nothing to remove the tar from your feet, it would eventually come off. Your shoes, however, do not change. Once tar is in there, it's in there. The oil trick may work on your shoes but it may still stain an ugly brownish black color and the oil itself can be corrosive to the rubber soles, causing accelerated wear. Walking barefoot is good for you anyway. Just watch where you walk.

If a bottle of oil is not available, you can always use grass and sand. The juicy plants like grass and other plants commonly found near the beach are pretty good in a pinch. From standing, remove tar from one foot at a time by pressing your foot against the grass in a twisting motion. A round tuft of grass fits foot arches quite well. Once the majority of tar is removed, a quick sanding will get rid of the rest. Voila! Clean feet. The photo at the top of this post was taken after a quick rub in the grass. As you can see, there isn't much left.

While you are visiting our beaches, please remember to pick up after your dog and do not leave cigarette butts, bottle caps, or other trash behind. Such pollution can leave our local surfers and other wild life sick or injured. We take our beaches very seriously, but we are usually friendly and will kindly welcome back respectful visitors.

How to Heal New Piercings Quickly

2010-08-22T04:05:00.000-07:00

Here's a trick that I learned with the experience of piercing the cartilage in my ear. The first time I did this, I did it all wrong. I followed the advice of the inexperienced piercer. She gave me a barbel and a bottle of antiseptic. She said the bar would be good because the rings get caught on everything. Wrong, wrong, wrong. The second time, I came up with my own treatment plan and went to an intelligent piercer. She put in a captive bead ring, which never got caught on anything, ever. The barbell I had on the previous one got caught on everything, got infected, left a big keloid for several months, never quite healed right, and eventually got ripped out. It was better that way because that led me to get a new one that healed up beautifully and I've had it for years with no problems.

Awesome Tip of the Day: If you do pierce cartilage, make sure your piercer is using a hollow needle that is one gauge thicker than the jewelry you intend to use. This is so that there will be space for the skin to grow between the hole in the cartilage and the jewelry. Also, this will help take some of the friction and pressure off of a new piercing while it's still a little swollen.

To get to the point, new piercings need air, cleanliness, and lubrication. Most people only give them cleanliness and maybe air. It is important that any new piercing be closed with some kind of ring or if that's not possible because of the type of piercing, a longer bar so that there is space to move or turn it for cleaning purposes.

If you are simply getting your ears pierced with a piercing gun, ignore what the piercer said about not taking it out until it's healed. Buy a 20 gauge captive bead ring. Sanitize it with rubbing alcohol and then lubricate it. Remove the earring you were pierced with and replace it with the captive bead ring. This gauge does not require any tools to put in and it is right about the size of what is already in your ear.

The reason you do this is that the earring you were pierced with was really only meant to be easy to use for the piercer, but not actually good for the healing process. As mentioned above, the jewelry needs to provide space for cleaning and a flow of fresh air. The short bar length and wide backing prevent both of these things. The bar is also sharp on the end since it is used like a needle, which can be uncomfortable behind your ear, especially when you sleep. A captive bead ring is easy to insert and able to be turned, which is very convenient for cleaning.

For cleanliness, the good piercers that I have known recommend plain liquid Dial soap. Really, any plain liquid antibacterial soap is good. Look for one with minimal dyes and perfumes. Simply water and soap up the captive bead ring and rotate it through the piercing. Rinse thoroughly with clean water and continue rotating until all the soap is gone and the ring is clean. Do this step twice a day or as needed.

Lubrication is the thing that most people don't seem to think about but it's very important to speed up the healing process. Take a dab of any kind of thin, clean, edible oil and rub it on your freshly cleaned ring, being sure to rotate it through so that the whole ring and the inside of the piercing are all sufficiently lubricated. I used coconut oil, but my friend used olive oil for hers. The reason for this is that a new piercing needs constant lubrication because new piercings are sticky. Your body is trying to grow new skin cells in the area that was punctured with the added irritation of a metal device (which should only be surgical stainless steel). When your skin gets stuck to the ring, it is painful to turn because you are essentially tearing at the area that is trying to heal. This makes for a greater potential for scarring and just makes the healing process longer and painful. A little oil solves that problem.

Just to mention, if your piercing is anywhere on your head, it is a good idea to keep your hair out of the way for awhile to prevent contamination and pulling.

I used this method for myself and recommended it to all my friends when they got new piercings. They all reported positive results. This is also a good method to encourage an already infected piercing to actually heal. However, if it becomes very painful and inflamed, you will probably have to squeeze puss out of it. Do not let it get to this point. If it does, you may have to go to a doctor and you may have to take it out.

The Secret to Healthy, Beautiful Hair

2010-08-21T12:36:00.000-07:00

Well, there is more than one and they're not exactly secrets, but it seems like a lot of people really have no idea what to do, or not do, with their hair. First, genetics plays a certain role. Not everyone can have a five inch ponytail circumference. Everyone has a predetermined length that is their maximum hair length before it falls out, takes a break, and grows again. That aside, anyone who has hair can have beautiful, healthy hair by simply understanding what their hair does and does not need.

I'm writing this article under the assumption that people (male and female, young and old) want thicker (both in volume and individual strands), shinier, and overall healthier hair. Just like a dog's coat, the condition of our hair is a direct indication of our our health. Healthy is beautiful. I'm also assuming the understanding that everyone has a genetically predetermined maximum potential in every category of their lives, and that the goal is to reach that potential. It is a good strategy for life is to at least improve our weakest points so that they are at a personally acceptable level, and then play our strong points to our maximum potential. Whatever your goal is with your hair, this should help you get there.

Hair Needs

1. Nutrition. This is key to anything relating to your body. If your diet is lacking in the essential proteins, fatty acids, vitamins and minerals that it needs to optimally function, than you will be robbing yourself of your full potential across the board. Healthy hair starts with eating right. If you not receiving what you need from your diet alone, than it is a good idea to supplement with a good quality regular vitamin that contains whatever it is that you're lacking. Give your body the right building blocks to grow healthy hair. Also, give your body water or at least liquid. You need it.

2. Circulation. Without this, nutrition is useless. Your body brings nutrients to all areas of the body through your blood stream. Staying active can actually improve your hair growth and condition. For those of you who have a hard time staying active due to physical impairments or if you just want a little extra boost for your scalp, give yourself a scalp massage daily. This not only feels wonderful, but helps circulate the blood through the scalp, which can lead to healthier growth. I personally advocate gentle traction as well. Grab a handful of hair close to your scalp and pull gently. Hold for a few seconds and move on to a different area. I do a little massage and traction when I lay down in bed most nights. It helps me get to sleep and it helped thicken up that area on top of my head that was thinning for some reason.

3. Moisture. It's not a good plan to shampoo and not use conditioner or at least oil. However, I've met a few (mostly men) who just didn't really think about that. Hair likes to stay moist. Your hair, like driftwood, does not enjoy being soaked, then dried, then soaked, then dried... By dried, I mean over dried. We'll get more into that further down.

Hair Care Basics

1. Washing. Washing is a big subject. You really should only wash your hair as often as it needs it. It is important to note that shampoo strips your hair of it's natural oils. For me, this was the cause of relentless frizzy hair. Most shampoos contain sodium laurel/laureth sulphate, which is a fairly harsh detergent. Their are some milder shampoos that contain similar but slightly gentler detergents. If you are one who likes to shampoo daily, you are probably better off switching to a gentler shampoo. You should definitely change your shampooing to shampooing only the scalp area. The rest does not really need shampoo, believe it or not.

You also might want to reconsider whether shampoo is really that important at all. An interesting thing that many people don't know, is that conditioner alone gets your hair and scalp very clean without drying it out. The oils and creams in conditioners actually do a much better job of dissolving the oil (sebum) from your scalp without stripping it. I didn't believe this for a long time and then finally tried it. I will never go back.

To do a conditioner only wash, apply the conditioner to your scalp area and scrub it into your scalp just as you would a shampoo. You can work it down your length or add more depending on how long your hair is. Let it sit while you soap off the rest of your body and then rinse thoroughly. If you have a particularly oily scalp, you can do a second application. I do this if I skip a wash day or if I sweat excessively.

There are those who wash their hair with water only and are really happy about it. I don't know much about this honestly because I've never done it.

It is important to note that most conditioners contain silicones, especially the ones that came to be "moisturizing". What is really happening is that they silicones in the conditioner (and sometimes shampoo) coat your hair so that it smooths it out and gives it a slippery texture. This makes it appear moisturized and makes it much easier for many people to detangle their hair. Some types of silicone are water soluble and are of little danger to your hair. Others are not, and require being stripped from your hair by a heavy shampooing. These types of silicone tend to dry out your hair because they do not allow water to pass through and they also require repetitive shampooing. When these types of silicones buildup on your hair, they can cause your hair appear dull and have a rough texture. If you want to wash your hair with conditioner only, such a conditioner is not recommended. You can identify a silicone ingredient by checking the labels on your shampoo and conditioner bottles for any ingredient that ends in -cone. Dimenthicone is probably the most common. The best part about silicone free conditioner is that it's usually cheaper. Speaking of awesome...

Awesome Tip of the Day: Is your scalp too oily? Over use of shampoo may be the culprit. By constantly stripping your hair and scalp dry, your scalp reacts by overproducing sebum. You can reverse this process by switching to a milder shampoo and/or slowly stretching washes to every other day or longer. Conditioner only washes also work. It may take a month for your scalp to readjust, during which your hair and scalp will probably be oilier than you like. Just wear it up when it gets oily and wait it out.

2. Drying. It is always best to let your hair air dry naturally whenever possible. Heat damage is one of the worst things you can do to your hair, second only to chemical damage. Heat damage can cause breakage and frizziness. If you must blow dry, use a cool setting. You will see great improvement in your new growth if you simply give up the blow dryer. If you need your hair to be dried a little faster, you can actually use your hands to dry it. To do this, pick a section of your hair and smooth it out with your fingers. Continue to run your fingers through it until for 30 seconds to a minute and move on to another section. You are effectively squeegeeing your hair while heating it slightly with friction. I used to get my hair pretty much dry in about fifteen minutes on the bus this way. I would just run a brush through it once I reached the transit center and go about my life. No electricity required.

3. Combing. Your comb may be the culprit when it comes to breakage. Plastic combs are moulded such that their is a tiny (and sometimes surprisingly sharp) seam all along the edge, including in between the teeth of the comb you are using to detangle your hair. Every time you run the comb through your hair, your comb is creating friction that can accelerate the wear and tear of your hair. You can fix this by running a fine sand paper between the teeth of your combs. There will, however, be an inherent friction (and static) due to the plastic material. It is ideal to detangle with a wide tooth comb only that is seamless. Wood combs are relatively inexpensive and static free. I bought one of these for my mom and she loves it. If you're willing to spend a little more, a horn comb is the best option as the horn material is very similar in make up to your hair These people also carry a wood comb in the same style. I have the horn comb and I wouldn't trade it. If you're picky, like I am, you will probably still run some ultra fine sand paper between the teeth even though it's already smooth. Be sure to check both eBay and amazon for deals.

I comb wet hair, but many people with finer hair find this too damaging. It may be better to simply finger comb until your hair is actually dry, then you can comb it out fully.

4. Brushing. Depending on your hair type, brushing may or may not be a good idea. If you have straight hair, brushing is a wonderful thing to smooth your hair and distribute sebum. If your hair is medium wavy to really curly, brushing can leave you with really poofy hair. This is one reason that many people with wavy or curly hair are uncomfortable with their natural texture. Brushing could be the problem. If you do want to use a brush, fine-haired folks can use a boar bristle brush. They are available pretty much anywhere that sells brushes. Make sure it is 100% boar bristle. Many brushes have nylon strands mixed in to make the brush stiff enough for thicker hair. If your hair is thick by individual strands or by simply by amount, a boar bristle brush may not be stiff enough to do you any good. In that case, I would suggest a wooden paddle brush. These feel amazing on your scalp and do a fine job of distributing the sebum while smoothing out your hair. It costs about the same as a regular paddle brush only it is seamless, natural, and it doesn't have those stupid little balls on the ends that break off and then you scratch your head. Bonus.

5. Styling. There are three basic kinds of styling. Mechanical styling is done with a contraption that changes the texture or shape of your hair. Examples would be curlers, irons, etc. Any heat styling has the same basic effect and constant blow drying. It is very damaging to your hair. If you must use a flat or curling iron, you must use a slippery product to ease the process and use the lowest setting for your hair. Back combing works by lifting the cuticle layer of your hair, which is in place to protect the inner layers and is also the part that makes your hair shiny when it lays flat. Avoid. Chemical styling is basically perms (think battery acid) or this "Brazilian blowout" thing I keep hearing about (which is formaldehyde and ironing/blow drying). I had a little talk with common sense on this subject and it said, "Don't." Product styling refers to hair sprays, mousses, and serums. All I can say is to use them sparingly. Most "moisturizing" or "anti-frizz" hair serums and just heavily siliconed products and alcohols so that they dry fast and coat your hair. Hair sprays and mousses are pretty similar. If you want to learn to make your own, natural products at home, there are recipes available via Google search. Continually drying out your hair and then trying to replace it with moisturizers after the fact doesn't really work and eventually will stop working altogether.

6. Moisturizing. If you have particularly thirsty hair, you may find that a little moisture will help you. Oiling is the easiest and most natural way to moisture your hair. It works just like a leave in conditioner. Put a drop or two of oil between your palms and rub it until your hands are shiny. Now run your hands through your hair, focusing on your length from your ears down. You may want to brush or comb afterward to help distribute the oil. If your hair looks greasy afterward, you used too much. Some people instead put a tiny amount of oil into a spray bottle with water and spray it directly onto their hair. I used to do this with rose water, although I didn't know at the time that that's what I was doing. The scent comes back out when your hair gets wet, which is great if you intend to sweat. Check the label to make sure there are no perfumes. It should be rose oil/extract and water. You can also make your own. Olive oil, coconut oil, almond oil, avocado oil, jojoba oil, grape seed oil, and other cold pressed, edible cooking oils are all good choices. Experiment to see what your hair likes. If you have really coarse hair, you may like shea or cocoa butter.

A quick tour of YouTube with the keywords "hair wrapping", "rag curls", and "plopping" will show you that there are some great ways to set your hair in different ways without the use heat or chemicals. You can use these methods daily without causing damage to your hair.

7. Cutting. When you cut your hair, it should only ever be done with sharp hair scissors that are only used for hair and cut perpendicular to the hair shaft so you can get a clean cut. Razor cuts or anything else that cuts to that effect is only damaging your hair and causing split ends or breakage.

8. Hair Ties/Elastics/Bands. These should only ever be metal free. Even then, they are still a little abrasive. If you make a ponytail frequently, you will probably notice breakage or shorter hairs in that area. This is why. To solve this problem, I took the time to make some mini scrunchies out of some silk I had laying around and some very strong elastic from the craft store. These are wonderful because they are very smooth, they don't break, they are stronger than most hair ties, custom sized, and not bulky or brightly colored like most scrunchies. I hate that. Typically, I just use these to hold my braid, which is a sad one now that I have layers. I use metal U pins most of the time to hold buns. My hair laughs at bobby pins and spits them out. U pins stay most of the time and I can use four instea of a thousand.
As I'm sure you cleverly deduced, less is more. The less you actually do to your hair, the healthier it will be. Constant bombardment with advertisements makes many people feel that the right products will make their hair shiny and beautiful. The truth is that most products just cover up unhealthy hair. No product in the world can actually "repair" damaged hair. It doesn't matter how much you pay for a blow dryer or a straightener, it's still frying your hair. If you can get away from damaging things, your hair will grow out beautiful naturally you will be able to give up the expensive maintenance for life.

9. Coloring. Any chemical dye or bleach has the same effect as a regular perm. Fortunately, there are natural dyes that actually condition your hair. Google henna, indigo, and cassia for more information on these. Beware of henna dyes that come in a box as there are often very dangerous chemicals that can burn you and/or interact with conventional chemical dyes. Better yet, this is a great time to let grey hair go natural. It seems to be in fashion at the moment for women to actually age. Live it up.

If you can give up at least one or two main unhealthy hair habits, you will see dramatic differences in your overall hair texture and may even be able to grow your hair longer than you thought possible, if that's your goal. Many people think they have to have short hair because it "looks terrible when it's long" or "never grows past ____ anyway". That is just a false terminal length. If you mistreat your hair, it will simply break off before it can get longer. It's still growing at the roots.

For Fine Hair. You are probably most worried about breakage and greasiness. Your hair will show greasiness sooner because of the silky texture of your hair. I strongly suggest following the Awesome Tip of the Day to control scalp oiliness. You will benefit from sticking to lighter conditioners and avoiding oiling unless it's a very light oil. To avoid breakage, try to keep your hair in a protective style, like a braid or bun anytime you don't specifically want it down.

For Medium Hair. Probably any average conditioners will work for you, but your hair probably splits. As above, you may benefit from protective styling.

For Thick/Coarse Hair. You probably don't have to worry too much about breakage, but you should look into heavy or rich conditioners and maybe forego the oils althogether for butters instead.

For Straight Hair. Thick or thin, your biggest problem is probably flat hair, or flyaways. Two things will help you with flat hair. The first thing is stretch shampooing. When I shampoo, my hair lays very flat, probably because it's too slippery. This will also help with flyaways, but a light oiling will also go a long way.

For Wavy/Curly Hair. You should probably shampoo as little as possible because (I think due to the structure of curlier hair) your hair probably dries out faster. I have some wavier/curlier areas and they are more prone to splits and breakage due to driness. Use of a heavier conditioner or oil will be a good idea. To avoid poofiness, I suggest not brushing unless it's before a wash. Use a wide tooth comb only, preferably when your hair is wet. It will dry in it's own natural wave or curl pattern better if you mess with it less.

For Really Curly/Kinky Hair. I really suggest you stick with conditioner only washes and use a nice, rich conditioner. Otherwise, the above advice applies. I know that many ultra-curly ladies and gentleman have been made to think that their hair will never be soft, luscious, and beautiful in it's natural state. That is simply not true. I have seen it exactly like that (and long) with my own eyes. It's really a matter of maintaining a hair type specific hair care routine. For more information on how to embrace your curly hair, www.naturallycurly.com is a popular site.

My Personal Hair Story

My hair is naturally medium to thick (individual strands, ponytail circumference, and overall volume) with some straight areas, some wavy/slightly spiraled areas, and some stray kinky areas. Yes, my genetic background is very diverse. I've always had relatively nice, healthy hair structurally, I just never did much with it. It was also extremely greasy (like joking about running a car off the oil from my head) and I was shedding like crazy. All I ever did with it was shampoo and condition daily with whatever was available. Most of the time it was wet and braided. As it turns out, this was more or less the right thing to do. If I would have known about conditioner only washes, it would have pretty much been perfect.

Recently, I spent a few months out of the country in a place where there was a lot of chlorine in the water (I could smell it). It ate the entire length of my hair. When I came home, I started the regrowth process. This was April last year. Around that time is when I came across The Long Hair Community, which I suggest strongly if you want more information on hair care, product reviews, community answers to individual questions, or just a generally kind and courteous online community that requires its members to use good judgement and punctuation when posting. It was there that I learned about combs, product ingredients, conditioner only washes, how to oil, etc. Some of the members make great, hair friendly styling tutorials on their YouTube channels. Torrinpaige taught me how to French and Dutch braid my own hair.

The first thing I tried was stretching washes, which was a disaster. It was too big a step for me and it gave me horrible dandruff that would not go away, which I had never had before. I went back to my old routine and it didn't help. I eventually had to use Head and Shoulders Clinical Strength for a few days. It smells terrible but it got the job done. Once my head was back under control for awhile, I started experimenting with milder shampoos. This made life easy, since I could continue my daily washing routine, but it was much less damaging. I also noticed my hair become less greasy over a couple of weeks and my frizziness was improving. I figured out how to trim my own hair, and I started cutting off damage every month or two as my hair was breaking off all over the place anyway and tangling, which it doesn't really do unless it's damaged.

While I was at it, I decided to see about that shedding problem. I measured my ponytail circumference at 3.5 inches. Then I started looking for things that caused excessive shedding. For me, sls shampoos were the first thing. If I use heavy shampoos, my hair falls out. Silicone conditioners also seem to cause this for me. Hot water in the shower makes my hair fall out as does over handling. If I over brush or screw around with it, trying to figure out how to make some kind of hairstyle, there will be a carpet of my hair on the tile. I cut out these things and now my ponytail measures 4 inches in circumference. I think that is about my maximum circumference, but I'm happy with that.

Soon enough, I started noticing that my hair wasn't really that bad if I didn't wash it, so I jumped in and tried the conditioner only thing. It was amazing. Within a week, I was pretty much frizz free, and I understood what all the hype was about. I now use a mild shampoo just on my scalp area maybe once a week. The rest of the time I use only conditioner every to every other day. I have the best hair of my life. I also recently learned how to cut layers and how to cut bangs (coming soon).

Happy hair growing! Just remember, whatever you do to change your hair care routine right now may make noticeable changes, but won't work miracles. If your hair is extremely damaged, it will really be a matter of growing it out while trying not to further damage it. You don't have to chop all your hair off. Just salvage what you can and it will all get trimmed off eventually. I'm finally pretty happy with my hair, but it took a year and a half. Depending on your hair length and growth rate, that could be a much shorter or much longer time. Assuming that, on average, hair grows about a half inch per month, you can assume that you won't have noticeable healthy roots for about three months. After about six months, you will start to see a difinite change in your new hair. It will probably take about a year for all of your new hair to reach your ponytail. It will be a good year and a half to two years for your braid or ponytail starts to really look thicker. Have patience and enjoy putting less overall effort into your hair.

How to Meet Awesome People in Your Area with Similar Interests

2010-08-21T09:34:00.000-07:00

I stumbled upon a website called http://www.meetup.com/. It is not a dating site. It is a social activities site. I highly recommend it. I was having a hard time finding some dependable outdoor volleyball players in my area who want to play on a regular basis. Found 'em. So, search for meetup groups in your area that share your interests. I saw language/culture groups, athletic groups, religious groups, mom groups, activity groups, business connections, etc. There has to be something in your area that you might be interested in. If not, you can start your own group and wait for people to find you. I joined two outdoor groups. One started about a year and a half ago and it has about three hundred eighty-something members, so they can get at least twenty to thirty people together for a given activity. The other group just started two months ago and they already have about twenty-five members. I live in a pretty small city so that's a nice following.

Anyway, I definitely advocate taking a class to develop a new interest and meet people that way. On the other hand, meetup groups are free, and free is awesome.

Slightly Spicy Sauteed Shrimp and Pasta | Recipe

2010-08-17T23:18:00.000-07:00

(Click here for more cooking ideas.)

Today's post is a great recipe for shrimp and pasta with vegetables. If you do not like spicy food, just omit the cayenne pepper. I'm not a huge fan myself, so I use just a dash to the whole recipe.

Slightly Spicy Sauteed Shrimp and Pasta

30-45 minutes, serves two to three.

20 jumbo shrimp raw or cooked (peeled and cleaned)
2 Roma tomatoes, diced
1 small package of fresh crimini mushrooms, sliced
1 diced zucchini
1 heaping tsp of minced garlic
21 season spice mix
Cayenne pepper
1 tsp of chopped green onions (optional)
1/2 jar of Alfredo sauce (optional)
1/2 package of whole wheat linguine or fettuccine
Olive oil

If using raw shrimp, saute the shrimp in olive oil over medium heat until fully cooked and leave it on the side.

Start boiling water with a drop or two of olive oil for the pasta.

Awesome Tip of the Day: A drop or two of oil in the water keeps the pasta from sticking together and becoming a big starchy mess. Too much oil and you get a big oily mess.

Lightly saute the garlic in olive oil for a few minutes over medium heat. (Note that a teaspoon of olive oil is good for a medium pan. Do not fry anything.) Add the mushrooms, tomatoes and zucchini. Mix. Add the green onions, 21 season spice mix, and just one shake of cayenne pepper. Mix well and.

Once the pasta water starts to boil, add the pasta.

By now, the vegetables should be softening. Add the shrimp to the mix. If they were previously cooked, it may be beneficial to cover the mix for a few minutes so that they can properly heat up. Otherwise, let it saute together for a minute and then add the Alfredo sauce (optional) on a slightly lower heat. Mix well.

Remove pasta from heat slightly al dente and drain. Serve shrimp hot over fresh pasta.

Help! My Dog is Chewing my Furniture, Eating my Shoes, and Teething all over my Hands!

2010-08-17T22:30:00.000-07:00

So you've identified the problem. Here's the thing, dogs need to chew. It's good for their teeth and gums. As a dog owner, it is important to provide chew toys and and clear, consistent indication of which things are okay to chew and which are not.

Let's talk about what it must be like to be a dog. It is important to think about this if you plan to train your dog to do or not do anything. Imagine for a moment that you have been introduced to a new life in someone's home indefinately. The people in this home are of a completely different culture and speak a language that is completely unintelligeable. Their customs are strange and you are unable to mimic their ways or really figure out what they want from you. All you know is that sometimes they seem happy with you, sometimes they seem upset, sometimes they ignore you, sometimes they smother you, etc. This is what it's like for your dog. The more you help your dog understand the rules of his or her new world, the easier it will be for both of you. Try to show more than tell, and keep your telling short and consistent. One word commands are the best.

If you have a puppy, your puppy will need to chew to alleviate the discomfort of teething. Those little pirana teeth are sharp and destructive. It will take a puppy about ten seconds to damage anything it decides to chew on. Watch your puppy as much as possible and listen for chewing sounds while you're not watching. Puppy or no, the more you pay attention to what your new dog is doing, the better. They will need little supervision once they learn the house rules. Osa likes to sleep with shoes, which she is allowed to do now that she doesn't try to eat them.

To correct the misplaced chewing habit, follow these steps:

1. As soon as you catch your dog chewing on something he or she should not be chewing on, you must stop him or her imediately. This is best done with a firm "no". Please note that a whiny "no" does not work on dogs (or children). Bark it out if you have to. Think drill sergeant. It doesn't have to be loud, just firm. A little flick on the nose can help get your point across, too. Anything more than that is not necessary and potentially considered abusive.

2. Take away whatever your dog is chewing on. You can show it to him or her and repeat your "no" command if you wish. If it is something like furniture, just remove your dog from the area. It's good to have a strategically located dog bed or other safe area for your dog to go when it's time to relax.

3. Imediately, replace the incorrect chewing object with a correct one. It is good to have an authorized chew toy on hand in every room. I like the raw hide bones because they're good for their teeth and they don't have a strong smell or any dyes to stain my floor or my dog's teeth. She loves them. Some people say they're a choking hazard. Read this article and decide for yourself. Rope chew toys are nice. Look for toys that are good for their teeth. Offer it to your dog by holding it right in front of their mouth.

4. Repeat every time you catch your dog chewing on something they should not be chewing on.

Dogs are smart. If you are consistent, your dog will figure out very quickly what kind of chewing is allowed and what kind is not. Ideally, your dog will learn to retrieve his or her own toy when he or she wants to chew.

Awesome Tip of the Day: What if your puppy is teething all over your hands and feet? Often, puppies don't realize they're hurting you. If the above doesn't work, try yelping or howling like your dog would if something were to bite him or her. If that doesn't stop it, there is one more trick. When my dog was a puppy, she was stubborn about teething on my hands. I put her down on her side on the floor the way another dog would and held her there by the loose skin of the neck area. I then proceded to hold up her paw where she could see it and slowly compress it between my teeth...much to her surprise. Needless to say, that got the point across. I didn't bite her hard and I only had to do it twice before she never bit me again.

There is plenty of leather and wooden furniture and several people's shoes within reach at any given time. There was but one pair of slippers that did not survive unscathed, but to be fair they looked like her stuffed animals, which are fair game.

...forgot to mention that one table. For some reason, the iron table was the only thing she would not give up on. A little hot pepper juice rubbed on there cured that. Two tries and she mysteriously lost interest.

How to Efficiently Wash a Big Dog with Lots of Hair

2010-08-13T17:33:00.000-07:00

This guy does not have it down.

I have a 100 lb. German shepherd. They have thick coats (and thick undercoats) and they're very strong. Mine lives indoors and we live close to the beach. This dog has been washed a lot of times in her nine years. I've seen other people try to wash my dog who have had smaller, short-haired dogs and they just don't seem to have any technique. Here's how I do it.

You will need:

shampoo and conditioner

1 hose, preferably with a control nozzle

2 large towels

1 patio/backyard/lawn

1 large, stinky, hairy dog

Here's the technique:

1. Leash your dog. It is just way easier this way, so do it.

2. Rinse the dog with the hose. This may sound like an easy task, but it's a big job with a big dog. Start by stepping on the dog's leash. This way your dog can't easily go anywhere and you have two hands to work with. Stand in front of your dog. Adjust your hose to a flat, high pressure spray and start at the nape of the neck along the top of the back to the tail. Next, rinse one side of the dog from front to back and then the other. I move in the direction because I'm assisted by both gravity and the direction of hair growth. Next is the tail and haunches. Finally, rinse the chest, belly and legs. You do the face and neck last.

Awesome Tip of the Day: Why do you stand in front of the dog and wash the face last? So you don't get wet. First, when your dog shakes all of the water sprays outward toward the sides, top and bottom. Thanks to physics, you are pretty safe standing in front of the dog (I know, location, location, location...). You wash the face last because this is something most dogs hate. They will probably shake and possibly misbehave. If you are next to the dog because of the area you're washing and you see a shake coming on, quickly get behind or in front of your dog to stay dry.

3. Shampoo and condition. I typically mix the two on the dog. You can also mix them in your hands and apply it to the dog. I don't care for rinsing in between unless it's a really special occasion and I have a lot of time. The best way I've found to apply washing ingredients to my dog is to make little product dispensers out of my hands. Fill your hands, make a loose fist, and run your hands over your dog while slowly squeezing the product through your fingers. Once the product is applied, rub it all in by kneading and squeezing the hair and skin. This should be a pleasant little dog massage for your dog. It's the only way to really get the skin clean on dog with that much hair.

4. Repeat step one, only more thoroughly. Use the flat spray close to your dogs fur with one hand while using the other to squeegee it through their hair. This gives you maximum purchase for the amount of water you will use. If your dog likes to drink out of the hose like mine does, let them. It's good for dogs to have things they like about bathing. Use the shaking at the end when you spray your dog's head to your advantage. The more they shake, the less you towel.

5. Towel off your dog. This is my dog's favorite part. Make it a game. Take the leash off and let your dog run around and shake a bit, then come back and face plant into the towel. Do not let your dog bite or pull the towel. Once they start, they will never stop. Rub down your dog as much as possible with the first towel focusing on the head, back, and belly. By now your towel is useless. Grab towel number two and give everything a quick rub down. If that towel is not too wet, put it down somewhere in the sun so your dog can relax and dry off on something clean.

P.S. Squat to save your back. Bend over as little as possible.
You now have a clean dog. As soon as they're dry, they'll start to smell good.

A word on dog shampoos. Don't waste your money. First, they are horribly overpriced and not all too different from people shampoos. Second, they are usually heavily perfumed and your dog will hate that. My dog used to have an "itch" that is common in the area in which I live. I switched her to people shampoos and conditioners and she hasn't itched since. Find a people shampoo that is simple, preferably mild. The cheaper the better. I don't put anything on my dog's head that I don't use on my own. VO5 works great and costs about $1 on sale, $2 not on sale. Today I used Main N Tail Original, which is available in big bottles for $5 or less. Sometimes I use Garnier Fructise Triple Nutrition for $5/big bottle or the Trader Joe's Nourish Spa (no link available), which runs for less than $3 a bottle. I usually save these last two for myself and use the first two for my dog. The latter contains the mildest cleaning agent. These products do not contain silicones (ingredients ending in -cone) in their shampoos or conditioners, which can build up on your dog's fur or cause irritation to their skin.

Just like your scalp and hair, dogs need conditioner, too. The detergents in shampoos, even mild ones, can be harsh. They clean by stripping the skin and hair of everything including the natural oils. This can cause itchiness, excess dandruff, irritation, and just dull, dry hair. Also, a little conditioner will make your dog soft, pettable, and huggable.

Once your dog is dry.
Brush thoroughly to avoid matting and excess shedding. I use a giant cat brush (slicker brush) or those big shedding blades that somewhat resemble bear traps or torture devices really get the job done. Both types can pull equal to two rabbits out of my dog and fill a grocery bag full of hair. During nesting season, I throw that soft shed undercoat over the fence so the birds can use it for their babies.

Sugaring Your Own Armpits

2010-08-13T10:39:00.000-07:00

Just like the bikini area, the first time you do this it will not be fun. If you keep up with it, it stops hurting because there is comparatively much less hair. Sugaring your own armpits can be intimidating, but the right technique can make it pretty easy. You will need moderate shoulder flexibility.

There are three main reasons for sugaring your armpits. The first is that it grows back pretty fast, so shaving it daily is a must. As we all know, daily shaving can cause irritation, ingrowns, etc. The second is that if you have thick or dark hair, you can still see the hair follicle through the relatively thin skin in that area regardless or how closely you shave. The third is that the hair in your armpits is a huge culprit for body odor. Remember when you were ten years old? You didn't need deodorant then. Although some of that is related to hormones, some of that is related to the fact that those hormones caused hair growth in your armpits. Don't believe me? Don't shave your armpits for a few days and see how much even a little hair makes a difference. My theory is that moisture plus hair is a great place for bacteria to grow. Shaving helps a lot. Sugaring/waxing removes the hair by the roots, which is even better. I don't wear deodorant most of the time because I sugar my armpits and my hair starts to stink before I do. This is good to know if you are planning a camping, backpacking or plane trip during which you will have little to no access to a shower.

Here's the technique:

Find a wall mirror. The one in your bathroom is likely the best, since it is private and also close to water. Start with clean, dry armpits free of deodorant residue. I suggest dusting the skin to be sugared with talc or corn starch. Lift the arm to be sugared straight up (and maybe slightly out to the side to stretch out your skin) and lean against the mirror or wall right next to the mirror. Now you can use the mirror to see what you're doing instead of trying to strain your eyes and neck. Also, the skin under your arms should be taut in this position.

Find the direction of hair growth and apply sugar paste against this direction. Let it sit for a moment and then remove the paste with the direction of hair growth in one firm pull parallel to the skin. Do not pull outward. Repeat. Once all the hair is removed, rinse the area with warm water to remove the sticky residue. Follow with a cool water rinse. Dry your hands and repeat the process with the other arm.

Awesome Tip of the Day: Most likely, the hair under your arms grows in two main directions. Most people have one main horizontal crease. What is above that grows in one direction and what is below that grows in another. In the middle, there may be a swirly area. You may have to do two pulls over that area.

If this is your first time sugaring or waxing your armpits, you should not work in sections larger than your pinky finger. Just don't. If you have been sugaring or waxing this area, you should be able to do the whole thing in one to three pulls. I usually try to do mine in one regardless of the direction of hair growth because I like to get it done quickly. The hair grows back then and sparse since I do this often, so it doesn't really matter.

For more information on sugaring, the sugar paste recipe and cooking instructions, click here.
For instructions specific to sugaring/waxing your own bikini area, click here.
For the sugar paste recipe revision for hot weather climates, click here.

Sugaring Recipe Revision for Hot Weather

2010-08-13T09:40:00.000-07:00

Summer has taught me that sugaring in hot weather can be a painful mess. My sugar paste got too gummy/sticky/runny to use without bruising myself. I learned too things. First, if you can't get it off your skin, spread it thinner and apply a piece of an old T-shirt or other firm cloth, rub it in, and pull as usual. This way you can get it off your skin and have the hair go with it. I hate having to just rinse it off. (I don't admit defeat well without first having exhausted all resources.) Second, add more sugar to your mix, about 1 cup extra. When the weather gets hot enough that overcooking the sugar paste isn't enough, it's time to add that extra cup.

Hot weather recipe:

3 cups of sugar
1/4 cup of lemon juice
1/4 cup of water

This thickens up the mix so that it will be firm enough to work with again. Happy sugaring!

Click here to learn more about sugaring.
Click here to learn about sugaring your own bikini.
Click here to learn about sugaring your own armpits.

Toaster Oven Salmon | Recipe

2010-08-08T23:22:00.000-07:00

(Click here for more cooking ideas.)

Today's post is a great recipe for baked salmon that is both quick and healthy. See the bottom of this post for ways to change this recipe and a good idea for kabobs.

Toaster Oven Salmon:

Serves 2-3. About 35 minutes to prepare and cook.

Wild caught salmon (skin attached) for two to three people
1 tspn of minced garlic, powdered garlic, or garlic oil
1 tbsn of herbs de provence
2 tbsns of diced onions
olive oil
sea salt (optional)

Place the thawed fish in a glass pyrex or baking pan. If it's a baking pan, line it with aluminum foil for easy cleanup. Drizzle on some olive oil and spread it with a spoon. There should be enough oil to spread evenly over the fish, but not so much to leave it oily. Spread the garlic in the same manner. If it's garlic powder, just use a few shakes. Add a couple of shakes of sea salt if you want but do not over salt your fish. Repeat with the herbs de provence. Evenly place and spread the onions over everything. The onions will cook enough to not be too strong so don't be afraid if you're normally conservative with onions.

Awesome Tip of the Day: Gloves. Use them. I buy boxes of non-sterile medical exam gloves from Costco for a pretty good price. They last a long time and make onion, chicken, and fish jobs much more sanitary and avoid the long term smell on the hands. They also make cleaning the bathroom much more pleasant.

Preheat the oven or toaster oven to around ~450 F. It's tough to say since each oven and toaster oven is different. Cover with aluminum foil and bake for 15-20 minutes or until it's just about cooked. Remove the aluminum foil and bake for another five minutes or so. The fish is ready when you insert a fork in it, twist it slightly, and the fish separates along it's natural grain easily. The aluminum foil is there to keep it moist and prevent burning. Taking it off at the end toasts the top just slightly. If it doesn't feel like toasting, put it on toast or broil for a couple of minutes instead.

Once the fish is cooked, it should separate from the skin easily with any spatula. Most if not all of the little cartilage "bones" should have dissolved by now, but you never know.

Alternatives: You can omit the herbs de provence or substitute for rosemary and it still tastes great. Garlic is not necessary, it just works. A little or a lot of onions is just personal taste. You can mix and match as you see fit. A good spread of mustard instead of olive oil makes this amazing as well, although it may or may not go well with herbs. My husband likes to cook cubed potatoes with olive oil in with the fish. It's actually pretty good.

If you have enough space, some little kabobs with tomatoes, mushrooms, bell peppers, onions etc. can cook on the side in the oven or toasted in the toaster oven while the fish is cooling off. They should be first basted in some kind of olive or sesame oil to prevent them from drying out. A little 21 seasoning mixed in that oil makes for pretty good kabobs. They have to be watched carefully though, and flipped half way.

How to Look Good in Pictures

2010-08-07T21:01:00.000-07:00

Someone tipped me off on this a little while ago, so I thought I'd pass it on. There are a couple of things that inhibit picture taking ability. The first one has to do with the person taking the picture. You can have the light in front of you or behind you, but never to the side. Soft, natural light looks the best.

The second one has to do with you. Most people who have a terrible time with their facial expression in pictures are merely struggling with insecurity in front of the camera. Suddenly, you need to smile. Uh, deer in headlights... No deal.

So, here's what you do. Think about something else that makes you happy. Look past the camera (but not down) and think about something enjoyable or funny. The camera will capture this moment and you will look great. Looking down will likely give you that squinty-eyed or stoner look. You can look just above the camera if you want to show off your eyes.

Awesome Tip: You don't actually have to SMILE in pictures. Really. A subtle hint of happiness may look better than all of your teeth. Experiment.

Body. If you're worried about those extra cookies, turn a little sideways, lift up your chest and look proud. If you're too skinny, face the camera directly. If you're nervous because you don't know what to do in the picture, put your arm around your friend. If you're by yourself, put a hand on something like a wall or a rail or your hips or something. Try not to cross your arms.

Second Awesome Tip: Whatever part of you is sticking forward can be exaggerated by the camera lens. That said, if you lean back, your stomach will most likely look larger than it is. Lean your chest forward just a little bit.

How to Split a Monster Burrito, No Mess, No Knife

2010-08-03T19:57:00.000-07:00

I don't buy these very often, but yes, I will do it in front of the camera one day.

This may sound funny but I've never seen anyone else do it, so maybe it's not common knowledge. It's better than laying a burrito on its side and cutting though it because you don't lose any of its contents. Also, big knives are not always available. I did this for the first time a few years ago. I bought a monster burrito to split with a friend. We got to the beach and realized we had forgotten to ask to have it cut in half. She suggested alternating bites. I decided we weren't good enough friends for that. So...

You will need:
nothing, that's it.
two hands maybe

If your burrito is wrapped in aluminum foil or paper, you're in luck as this will help prevent the tortilla from unraveling while you're doing this. Usually they behave. If you happen to have a knife, plastic or otherwise, or sharp fingernails, you may get a cleaner cut.

1. If the burrito is wrapped, find the middle and tear out a section of whatever it's wrapped in so that you have a naked strip of burrito going around the middle.

2. Use your fingers to pinch a spot open along the middle of the burrito.

3. Holding each end of the burrito, use your thumbs to carefully pull apart the tortilla so that it follows the circumference at least 1/2 way around but no more that 3/4. Do no pull the burrito apart. Just separate the tortilla so it looks as if it were cut all the way through. If you have a knife, use it to just saw gently around the edge of the tortilla so that it is cut.

4. Here's the tricky part. Rotate the burrito so that the part of the tortilla that was not cut is facing the floor. You should have one end of the burrito in each hand. Slowly rotate your hands together in a downward motion so that the two burrito halves are still connected but they are now standing parallel to each other in the palms of your hands.

If you do this step slowly and carefully enough, you will not spill a single grain of rice. Also, you will be awesome. Impress your friends! I saw jaws drop the first time I did this.

5. Slowly rotate the two burrito halves in opposite directions (like gears) until the remaining connected piece of tortilla tears along the circumference. You now have two monster burrito halves.

If you pull this off on camera, post the YouTube link in the comments below.

Getting Rid of Upper Back Pain

2010-07-31T20:52:00.000-07:00

This is the first installment of what I'm going to call "The Posture Series". The Posture Series is all about teaching others the basic self-care that I've taught my clients in my practice, so that they can enjoy the awesomeness of reducing their own pain and/or preventing injury. I've been a massage therapist for about 8 years, trained by some very good, very experienced massage and physical therapists. That doesn't mean I'm any kind of genius and I'm certainly no kind of doctor. What I do have to offer are basic ideas that work wonders toward self-care that I've learned from experience and other people.

Most of what I believe in as far as the optimal function of the musculoskeletal system revolves around posture and alignment. I consider this reasonable given that the skeleton has evolved to a very specific shape, which when aligned properly supports itself in a miracle of biological architecture. The skeletal muscles create movement and add support to the joints. Connective tissue such as tendons, ligaments and broad fascia also play key roles in this whole idea of posture, alignment and movement. I'm not going to get too detailed with any of this. What I will do is give my personal, specific opinion on how to deal with specific problem areas that are fairly common. Again, I am not a doctor. I just have practical knowledge that has been passed down and withstood the test of time. So, here we go.

Common upper back pain (not from specific injury or other health condition) usually comes from poor posture. This poor posture is typically a loop or cycle of slouching, muscular imbalance, poor circulation, muscle spasm, and weakness. So, let's identify these things.

First, what does good posture look like? It is surprising to me how few people know what good posture should look like. What does "stand up straight" mean? Shoulders back? That's almost it. The way I was taught in the first week of massage school was that this posture is not focused in the shoulders, but in the drooping of the rib cage.

Good Posture Checklist

1. (Stand up in front of a mirror.) Place your feet shoulder or hip width apart. Point your feet forward. Distribute your weight evenly between from your heels to the balls or your feet and let your toes spread naturally.

2. Your legs should be straight but your knees should not be locked.

3. Your hips should be centered and your pelvis should neither be rotated forward nor backward. Although a woman's sacrum does tilt backward more than a man's, neither one should look like they're sticking out their bum. On the other hand, one's pelvis should not stick out further than the rest of the body, giving the effect of leaning backward.

4. Lift your ribcage. This is key. Imagine a string attached to the xyphoid process under the sternum that is pulling upward. This should have the effect of opening up your chest.

5. Engage your latissimus dorsi muscles to pull your shoulders down and slightly back. Once your ribcage is in the proper position, your shoulders won't need to be "pulled back" so much but should fall back into that position naturally. Ideally, the collar bones should be visibly parallel to the floor viewing from the front.

6. Lift your head to make you as tall as possible. This will most likely also retract your head backward a little. Most people are used to having their head to far forward (think Mr. Burns). Do not tilt your chin up or down.

Congratulations, you probably feel really awkward in this position. That is only because you are not used to it. You were actually built to stand like this.

Back to the point. For the upper back pain, we are going to focus on steps 4-6. You should practice this posture as many times daily as you can think of. If you must set an alarm, do it. You will probably be sore for a little while before your body starts to get used to it and then you will feel better.

Stretch out your pectoralis major and minor every time you notice your back starting to ache. Most of the things you do involve having your arms in front of you. Over time, your pec muscles tend to shorten, since their is little need to elongate, and they antagonist muscles on the back side of the body are put on a stretch. These muscles begin to lose circulation and go into spasm, which causes upper back pain and the dreaded "knots" that never seem to go away. By stretching out the pecs, the rhomboids get a chance to relax and the pain should start to go away on its own. The best way I've found to do this is using a wall, corner, or door frame, which are all conveniently located in places like houses, schools and office buildings.

Pec Stretch:
Keeping your shoulder down (not letting it get closer to your ear) place your forearm against the wall so that your upper arm is parallel to the floor. Keeping this relative position, using the wall to brace your arm in position, turn away from your arm until you feel the desired stretch. Hold for ten to twenty seconds or until you feel satisfied. Repeat this stretch on the same side with your arms placed slightly higher, and again slightly lower than the aforementioned position. Repeat all three stretches on the other side.

Exercise your back and shoulders now and then. You do much more pushing than pulling in your life. You can help balance this out in the gym if you'd like. A simple pull up bar in your door frame also does the trick, as do those pulling cords. Any kind of rowing sport is excellent. Look for creative ways to practice pulling from good posture, like vacuuming. Position yourself in the proper posture and vacuum your house. Next time you vacuum, use your other hand. This is also good for your coordination.

Seated back exercise:
Next time you're sitting at your desk, on the couch, or at a stoplight, take a moment to squeeze your shoulder blades together and down while pushing your chest forward. Hold for about five seconds. Increased strength in your back and shoulders should help these poor overworked and under appreciated muscles keep you in the correct posture. This is especially important for women, as we are naturally less muscular in the upper body and our breast weight exacerbates upper back pain.

No more Mr. Burns. Bring that head up whenever you can remember it. That exaggerated hump people get where their neck meets their back can become permanent. Don't let it be you.

Back/neck stretch:
This last thing is my favorite back /neck stretch. If you get that chronic, broad tightness in your back that makes you feel tired, this one should cover it. Sit on the floor against the wall. Let yourself slouch and let your head gently hang. If that feels comfortable, lace your fingers behind your head and let your elbows hang, but do not pull. Slowly turn your head from side to side. When you feel your back start to loosen, slouch forward a little more, finding a comfortable place and rotating your neck and upper back slowly from side to side, reaching one elbow at a time gently toward the floor. The goal is to get as close to your bellybutton as possible. The whole stretch can take one minute or twenty minutes, depending on how tight your back is. Make sure you do the whole thing slowly and when you are finished, come back up slowly. You may feel a little light headed due to the sudden change in blood flow immediately afterward. Take your time. At no point during any stretch should you ever feel any sudden, sharp pains. Back off the stretch if this happens. Discontinue the stretch if it keeps happening as it may be a sign of an unknown injury.

I've been using these methods for eight years now and I feel great most of the time. Whenever I start to get out of whack, I just remind myself to do these things and I'm back to normal. These same tips have also reportedly reduced tension headaches in my clients.

Egg Noodle Soup | Recipe

2010-07-28T00:04:00.000-07:00

(Click here for more cooking ideas.)

Today's post is an easy to make, relatively cheap and hearty recipe that I came up with one cold day.

Egg Noodle Soup

Serves 3. About 25 minutes to prepare and cook.

1 can of chicken broth
1 1/2 cups of water
3 eggs
2 tbsp of chopped onions
1 tsp of minced ginger
1 tsp of minced garlic
1 tbsp of chopped parsley or cilantro
2 tsp of chopped green onions
1/2 tsp of turmeric
Dry Asian noodles
Olive oil
Salt to taste

Pour a small amount of olive oil into a saucepan on low. Drop in onions, garlic, and ginger to saute. Pour in chicken broth and water. Once it starts to steam, add chopped green onions, parsley/cilantro and turmeric. Now is a good time for the salt if you want that. Let that heat up to a simmer while you beat the eggs with a fork in a separate container. Once it's hot enough, stir the pot in a circular motion and pour the egg in slowly over one spot so that it forms little strands or swirls in the pot. This will keep you from having egg clumps. Let it sit for a few seconds and then stir again. Add dry noodles. Cover. Stir. Taste. Add more salt if needed. Eat hot.

Powdered ginger, garlic, and onions work fine if that's all you have.

~Story Time~

2010-07-27T03:26:00.000-07:00

I would just like to share a little episode of Saturday night, because I thought it was mildly creative and definitely fun. This story should be called, "How to Get Awesome for Free."

I went out with my typical girls' night pal, who is long time single. When things started to warm up at our usual night club, I noticed there were two pretty attractive guys who were well built and fun dancers. It seems their goal was to give attention to and get attention from every girl in the place that night. You know the type. Anyway, they came up to us, at which point I deflected the one trying to dance with me with my wedding ring and they ran off. Usually, such self-interested guys would be more or less useless to me, but I'm a team player and my friend is single. It dawned on me, "Wait, what am I thinking?" So within about five minutes or so, I managed to casually re-encounter the same guy and explain...

Me: Sorry, I meant to tell you. I'm married and behaving, but it's my friend's birthday. She's 25.
Guy: (guy lights up) Oh really? So you want me to...
Me: Yeah, show her a good time!

...at which point he proceeded to walk right up to her and pick her up with a nice, "Happy birthday!" For a moment, she panicked, but I said, "(friend's name), go with it!" Never mind the protests like, "Wait, it's not my birthday..." (Yes it is. Don't believe her, she's just shy.) It was funny to hear the guy say, "It is your birthday..." Ha! So she had quite a fun experience with this guy really making it a point to show her a good time, and then moving right along. It was perfect. She had fun but he wasn't around long enough to intrude upon our girls' night. He came back later a couple of times just to put a smile on her face. She danced with his friend, too, but he was a bit more stuck up.

Awesome Tip of the Day: Never dance with a guy like that (that type of guy) for more than one song in a row. He will start looking for the next girl during the second song. He will also manage to inflate his ego to the point of near explosion, thus thinking he's doing you some kind of favor by dancing with you. Cut him off after the first dance and he will probably come back once he's made his rounds. Also, if you dance with him at the end of the night, he will think he's taking you home.

I didn't feel bad about that little white lie because I'm quite sure that the guy was looking for any excuse to do that kind of thing anyway. She had fun, I had fun, he got more attention, win win win. Honestly, I don't think I've ever seen that big of a happy kitty grin on her face before. She said she felt like she went to Chip N Dale. Both awesome and free.

The End.

Unstable Restaurant Table Solution

2010-07-27T02:54:00.000-07:00

This came up Sunday so I thought I'd throw it out there for those of you who run into this.

Awesome Tip of the Day: Next time you get stuck with a restaurant table that is threatening to spill your drink or food, fold up a paper napkin or two (better yet, dirty ones because it doesn't matter) into about one square inch. Place the folded napkin(s) under the inadequate table leg for added security. The table should more or less finally stand still.

Bonus, it's a good way to reuse that dirty napkin.